I drink everyday.
 

Hello.

I am 30 years old, married to a great women with 2 beautiful young children.

However, I am an alcoholic. I need help to fight this disease.

I drink 3 bottles of red wine per night. During the day I try and sneak in 4 or 5 cans of cider to get me through the day. I am always craving that next drink. I always have to have alcohol in my house. I put my kids to bed early so I can get that next drink. I can not just have 1 drink, I need at least 10-12, plus a bottle of wine just to unwind.

I've told myself I am going to quite. I keep on failing. I say I'm going to quite at 8 am......by 6 pm I am into the red wine.

I don't know how to stop. I can count on one hand how many sober days I have had in the last 10 years. I don't drink just on weekends, I drink everyday, and I drink until the bottle is finished. I need to finish the bottle. Time for the next bottle. I just want more and more.

All my friends drink, my mother is an alcoholic my brother is an alcoholic, my father was an alcoholic until he passed last year in his 50s. However my wife does not drink.

I relate everything to alcohol.

Its a nice sunny day outside.....lets grab a beer (16 beers later)
Its time for a bbq...... cant bbq without a beer. (12 beers later)
Friends are comming over.....lets crack that wine. (turns into 2 bottles)
We are having steak for dinner.......must have wine. (turns into 3 bottles)
I am on vacation.....I can have a beer. (end up finishing a 5th of vodka sipping all day)
Baseball is on TV......I feel like a beer. (you know how this goes.)

Almost everything in life triggers that alchohol craving for me.


Am I a lost cause?

I want to stop.

Please Help.

I dont want to Die.

thewill
I'm pretty new here myself, just signing up was a great step, so glad I found this site, glad you found it too
the people are great and we are all here for the same reason
look around there are many great ideas and ways to get out of the hole you feel you are in

Thank you just reading some stories, are inspiring.

I'm new here too and slowly getting to grips with part of the site and it is nice to know, we are not alone!

I can understand the associations with everything. day to day life with a drink in hand.. And about 10 waiting..

I always justify to myself it is a reason to drink. Whatever I am doing.

You are definitely not a lost cause! I'm on day 3 of being sober and have never felt more like a loner. I have two beautiful children myself and currently hiding out at my ex partners where he rarely if ever drinks with our two children. Avoiding my family who without fail have a drink every night (though know how to stop) and avoiding my social circle who drink too until I'm strong enough to come out of hiding!

2-3 weeks ago I was in what felt like a really dark place, to try and get out I first had to realize that I was not a lost cause, proof of that to myself was actively seeking a site like this, so I hope you can answer your own question on that score and good on you

You're not alone and you're not a lost cause. I too drank every day, usually a liter of vodka a a day, at least and I'm a bit younger than you. It's only been a week, and actually I slipped last night, but overall my outlook is a lot brighter and the fear of dying from this has been greatly lessened. Most people on the form can claim the same! How many of us do you think thought we were lost causes? :)

In my personal, non-medical opinion, I think it would be great if you got into a detox program to help you stop, as withdrawal can be dangerous. Places like this usually offer counseling and "classes" during the day to help you understand and combat your addiction. They often also help with outpatient treatment so that you're not just thrown out back into the world without the support one needs early on in recovery.

Does your wife know exactly how much you're drinking or no? I think having her support in this, especially since she doesn't drink to begin with, would be extremely beneficial.

Best of luck to you. Stopping is incredibly hard, but with time it seems that staying stopped jut gets easier.

First off you are not a lost cause,none of us are but we tend to guilt ourselves into thinking we are not worth anything. I'm like twenty years older than you and I know enough to know that if you are on here you have a will to straighten things out and you can,one day at a time . Something you might think about is going to a hospital detox,alcohol is hard to come off of and sometimes requires medical assistance. The thing is you are being honest,that's a huge deal,does your wife know that you have a problem? Your going to need to fill her in and let her help you get sober. You have already taken the first step. It sounds like you love your family and you are aware there is a problem. Make the next step,look at the situation and decide that either detox or rehab may have to be the next step,if you think you can't stop on your own. There's always AA ,meetings are everywhere and all day long all you have to do is not take the first drink,you will get through one day and then another,one day at a time is the best way to go,sometimes when I'm having a hard time I just do an hour at a time.theres lots of help out there and on here you just have to figure out what is going to work for you. Really if you think you can't stop then detox would be my first choice. Make some calls to your local hospital and check out what's available and then you can both decide what course of action to take. Remember your so not alone,we are all here for you ,helps just a click away....best of luck to you..

Thewill - You are NOT a lost cause. You have taken the first step by reaching out for help and that takes great courage. You are not alone! I drank for over 30 years and if I can do it - so can you. You are far stronger than you realize. Sobriety must be worked on daily. Having a support network is essential. You have one here and may consider availing yourself to any and all help that you can get (AA, etc.) You are fortunate that you have a wife that doesn't drink that can lend support. Believe in yourself and it is possible.

Hey, you're one of us and many of us have found our paths to sobriety. I was a round the clock drinker for several years. When i finally quit, i had to shift my whole life over a few steps. You know, you can't live your alcoholic life sober. For me, i took up AA and working on this site. When i get restless, irritable or discontent, ii call people or come here instead of grabbing that drink. I'm working on becoming an Agent of my Higher Power because when i think like that, my thoughts are less on myself and more on being of service to others and the world. If i get self focused too much, i get selfish and can be prone to any number of negative character traits. Not that i'm perfect but i'm better than i was. I get better with the help of other sober alcoholics.

It is possible to quit. It's simple to quit but not easy. Are you prepared to shake your life apart so you can build it up better and stronger and sober? Sobriety is about so much more than not drinking. It's about a psychic change. It is possible to live free of the intense cravings for alcohol if you're willing to change and to be completely honest. Welcome to SR! It's good to have you here.

I can completely relate and I am/was almost exactly the same type of drinker. I'm struggling now but back on the proverbial horse.

You can do it - there are so many inspiring stories on this site etc.

Stay strong. Make a plan.

as many people will say, if I can do it so can you.
I felt i was a hopeless case. bottle of scotch or vodka everynight.
wife and two kids also, i missed five years of them growing up.

Now two years sober I am making it all up to them and still fixing myself to why i got that way in the first place.

Have you tried an AA meeting

Reach out, someone will catch you

Wow that sounds exactly like someone I know... ME!!

You and I (and many others here) sound like carbon copies except I've got 10 years on you.

Good thing you are seeing this now instead of another decade.

I just passed the two week mark on Saturday and although extremely difficult it's been worth it so far.

This is a great place for support. Good thing you're here. There is no better time to quit then NOW.

Best of luck to you!!!

Yep, this is me too!...I'm planning to change certain things in my life, I.e. routines and certain people...but its so hard to think of doing anything long term without that bottle, its been a sickening crutch for too long...so I just think of right now...and right now I won't drink...welcome to SR, you can do it!

[QUOTE=thewill;4120958

I relate everything to alcohol.

Its a nice sunny day outside.....lets grab a beer (16 beers later)
Its time for a bbq...... cant bbq without a beer. (12 beers later)
Friends are comming over.....lets crack that wine. (turns into 2 bottles)
We are having steak for dinner.......must have wine. (turns into 3 bottles)
I am on vacation.....I can have a beer. (end up finishing a 5th of vodka sipping all day)
Baseball is on TV......I feel like a beer. (you know how this goes.)

Almost everything in life triggers that alchohol craving for me.


.[/QUOTE]

Hi TheWill

welcome to SR - you'll find a lot of support here :)
Noone is a lost cause - your story is familiar to me and many others here :)

SR helped me turn my life around - I know you can do the same.

Seeing a Dr might be a good first step? detoxing from everyday drinking can be rough.

D

Welcome thewill! I commend you for coming here and seeking support. I wish I'd done that at your age - my life would've turned out completely different.

I drank just like you are - but instead of seeing the danger & stopping - I just kept trying to control the amounts. As you have already discovered, for some of us moderating is not possible. One drink always leads to 10. I wasted many years looking for that old euphoria I once had, but in the end I was just numb, never high or happy. You can stop the destruction by quitting now - I think you should be proud of yourself. You can do it.

If I go to sleep knowing there is any alcohol left in the house, such as last night when I went to bed with 1/3 of a bottle of wine left, I keep waking up, knowing it is there, and wanting it. I keep waking up until I finally go down and drink it and it's not calling to me any more. Then I can sleep. Whatever alcohol I have in the house is gone by bedtime or this happens. I'm still working on quitting, but at least I have it down to one bottle of wine a night. A big step down from what I was drinking.

Well its official day 1 sober. Nothing to be proud of, but a start. This time yesterday id be waiting for my wife to go to the washroom so I could secretly pour another glass. I might already be done my 1st bottle trying to hide it in my recycling bin, cover it up with a newspaper. So sad. Its not easy but 24hour sober is a start. All I can think of right now is rednwine.

Your story is just like mine. 2 kids, wife, and the drink. The drink always came first of course. I also would put my kids to sleep early to have that drink. I also would drink am to pm until I passed out. But I don't have to live like that anymore. A year ago I got a DWI and my road to sober living started. I remember that day saying to myself and out loud " How can I never drink again." Well I have learned I don't have to never drink again just don't drink today. I can handle that and so can you. When I started it was don't drink for the next hr. or even 5 min. Get help (AA, doctor)!! Yeah I slipped a few times, But that is part of my story now. Be well, and no you are not a lost cause.

Hi there, welcome. You are not alone. I found myself in your position around your age as well. Now I'm 38 and over a year sober. Trust me, it can be done. You did the right thing in posting your questions - in my experience I just tried to isolate myself and ignore the problem, and I ended up having some serious health problems. You are right - I was going at your same pace for a few years and eventually it caught up to me. And I'm not talking about a headache or a case of the sniffles, I am talking about serious stuff.

AA freaked me out, but I was introduced to it in treatment so I didn't have a choice. Glad I did it at first though, but it's not really for me anymore. There are many other ways to stay clean - but first you have to GET clean. That requires some planning and dicipline, and quite honestly you have to change your philosophy on how you want to live your life. It's a big, big change. Like starting a new job, or buying a new home - it's major. Good luck in finding that focus, you'll get a lot of good advice here.