ChefUK

Hi,

So I'm curious how bad things got for people when they decided they were probably an alcoholic, or when you thought you drank too much and should give up the booze or try to moderate.

Was it just an advert on TV?
Was it your friend warning you?
Was it chucking up every morning as per of your routine?
Was it ending up in hospital?

Pete55

Sorry did not cut it anymore, in fact I would not dare say, "sorry" because I knew the reply would be, "sorry is not good enough".

When I spoiled a wedding at my ex's family side, she gave me "that look" the next day, ( Sunday 4.30pm when I woke up, but only cos I needed to go to the bathroom, I "knew" something happened), she said I had better ring up and say, "sorry" to her brother.
This I did and his reply was, "AND WHAT'S THAT GOING TO CHANGE!!".
It was his daughter's wedding.

Other comments were along the lines of, " we rang your father and all he could say was, "leave him alone"....and everyone took the advice literally.
I became alone.

Then finally my last blackout after 35 years of trying to drink like the well mannered and happy people drink, it finally dawned on me, "something is not adding up, where IS everybody?"
By that time it was as if the rest of the world was going places but I was not part of it, yet I knew deep down I was wrong about something.
It was alcohol. I was wrong about alcohol, yet I knew nothing about it.
I was lost.

Then I found out through AA, I'm an alcoholic. Meaning, I had a body that reacts to alcohol differently to others and powerless to stop that adverse reaction. It made sense then to abstain.
Problem was though, the damage was immense and still to this day family, ex, kids, sibling and old friends are skeptical about my 5 + years sobriety.

That's the damage my drinking has caused.

losteverything

For me, it became very bad indeed. Losing my family wasn't enough, losing my house wasn't enough, or my cars...or even living alone in a tent eventually. Nope, my bad enough was almost death. Your bad enough doesn't have to get so bad. If you find yourself here, there is obviously a problem, and the sooner you address that problem, the better things will get sooner. Dont ride that elevator all the way to the bottom, because for some their worst is a 6 foot deep hole and dirt nap.... Welcome to SR!

MicFiend

Good question!

For me it was way less dramatic than for a lot of people: A steadily but surely increasing feeling, like a pot that's been left on the stove for too long and starts to boil over. Basically alcohol started affecting my life (all aspects of it, as it does really) so much that it really started to bother me. I noticed, that to do the things I want to do, and be the person I want to be, a lot of things need to change. And we all know what is at the top of that list.

Maybe I should be thankful that for me, it didn't take a trip to this so called "rock bottom". I guess we're all different in this regard (but still on the same boat!).

ReadyAtLast

For me I did some very bad things,DUI, crashed my car,ended up in hospital with terrible injuries, problems at work,making a fool of myself at work,lost relationships and friednships,debt problems. You know what-that still wasn't enough, I carried on. I actually quit when I'd just had enough of feeling crap all the time-sick and tired of being sick and tired, as people say. No specific eventwhich I'm glad about really asmemories of bad things fade. I' m glad I quit just because I wanted to-that memory never fades.

Are you concerned about your drinking? Are you looking to quit? I'm in the UK too and SR has been,and still is, a wonderful source of support and strength for me

Siesta

How bad did it get?

Husband left me so I threw myself a big month long pity party. This is what the "party" consisted of:
Every drink I consumed all day long had alcohol in it. Throwing up everyday. Drinking every morning to get out of bed. Couldn't remember conversations or work shifts or meeting people. Couldn't find my car half the time.

Finally when I went to see my brother for Christmas, I had to have my son drive me because of my hangover, then proceeded to drink along the way and don't remember the drive. Got to my brothers and had to make a quick excuse about a long drive to go pass out in the guest room. My dad was there, just eyeballing me. Not sure if he was on to me or not, but it was a terrible way to show up to see family. Haven't seen them since. Too ashamed. It's been 7 months now and I think a lot of what happened to me was situational, but I also admit that I'm an alcoholic and handle bad situations by drinking myself silly so that I don't have to feel any pain. Now I'm learning to deal with bad things clear headed.

kadidee

I've been feeling for awhile now that my quality of life was almost nil. At one time, many years ago, drinking a glass of wine at the end of the day was a way to relax. And then at some point I started drinking a bottle of it every night, whether I wanted to or not, sometimes two.

I continued to drink but started to look at my life from a bird's eye view. Wake up at the last minute and hurry, hurry to get ready, feeling groggy, dehydrated, and anxious. Not putting best self in at work because I don't feel good, and worse, feel like a fraud. Hurry home so I can start drinking again. Repeat. I have also been mortified at some of my behaviour while drinking--that feeling you get when you wake up and think, 'oh no, not again.' But even if I had never acted out, it was sucking the life out of me.

Day 13 tomorrow (or technically, today), and my goal is to start this next academic year (I'm an educator) sober. I want to know what it feels like to be at work not groggy, bloated, and feeling yuck. And to stop being in a hurry all the time because I 'need' to get home by 5.

ChefUK

Wow, great range of stories.

My latest reason to stop drinking came on Fri/sat when I though I was having a heart attack, I want but I called an ambulance and my heart was fine apart from racing. Chest all tight. Took me to hospital, had blood test, urine test and xrays on chest, kidney etc. The blood test showed a blood infection, so I've not drank since then. I'm on day 4 now. When I though I was going to die I decided right this is the time to get medical help and stop putting it off.

Before this though i kept putting it off till the next week to drink only at weekends, then there was a party if give up after. There was always a reason to postpone it.

BrokenBeloved

While I never got that dramatic "wake up call" that might come after injuring someone (or myself), being arrested, or getting fired from a job, I certainly could have a 1000 times over. I don't know why I never got a DUI, because I drove drunk all the time. I would even prefer to drink while driving around. Also, I chose a profession where I have complete flexibility and control over my schedule, so it would be difficult to be fired for not showing up...even though I "didn't show up" a 1000+ times, which has cost me dearly in opportunity and foregone success. I suppose it has been just dumb luck or chance that had allowed me to drink so much and so often without drama. But maybe if I had that major life-altering fall earlier in life, I would have enjoyed the last two decades sober and well. Instead, I lost a big chuck of life...which is painful enough.

stacia lives

One my 21rst birthday, I went to the liquor store and proudly bought my first bottle of port wine. Wow, how sophisticated and adult I felt pouring it into my elegant wine glass.
Sips turned into gulps, gulps turned into bottles, bottles turned into magnums.... For years & years I couldn't understand "my luck". Why was I broke? Why was I so unfocused? I watched my inner soul separate from my physical person. After 15 years of functioning alcoholism, I started listening to the stupidity of my thoughts. In the ER, thinking I'm having a heart attack at 38, "but I'm so young??", I'm drinking everyday, "but why am I depressed??", I'm too busy and cant keep my commitments, but I "deserve" a relaxing weekend on the couch (hungover). "Im eating so well, why isn't the weight coming off?" as I drink a weeks worth of calories in one sitting.

I knew I was one drink away from jail or death. I hit an emotional rock bottom of being out of control, dependent, unsafe, untrustworthy, lost, disingenuous & genuinely flatlined... I marinated in my despair as if I deserved it.
Nightly, only my Chardonnay understood. So I kept crawling in her bottle to silently die, afraid to fail the amazing life I couldn't see in the darkness!!!

Then CRASH!! I hit & ran (me & myself), alcohol related. I could no longer escape the truth. More intensive therapy started the next day, the following week I found SR & Friday I will attend my first AA meeting (something I NEVER thought I would do).

I want to LIVE again! I want to be healthy! I want to remember!!
Day 9 and everyday is better.

You are all brave & strong!! Congratulations & Thank you for all of your stories & support here!
Stacia

alphaomega

Beautiful Stacia !!!!

wpainterw

It was being all alone in the house experiencing a deep toxic feeling and a sense that unless I did not do something quickly I might not live more than a day or two. That evening I ended up in the hospital and was told that I might have irreversible liver damage. Fortunately I recovered and have not had a drink for 25 years. I have absolutely no craving for alcohol any more. The "Beast" is in lockdown. I know it's there and it knows I know.

W.

ChefUK

Blimey 25 years, well done. What made you join this forum?

Serenity1972

Well let see, I lost my career (a very good one at that), I received a DWI and was financially destroyed due to alcohol.

But, I still kept drinking for an additional 3 years.

I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was broken, lost, out of control and realized that I was powerless over alcohol. It was keeping me a prisoner in my own body. I wanted my dignity and serenity back. I wanted to be able to remember my weekends and be a more productive person. I just wanted so much more for myself and my SO.

Sunday, August 4th is when I decided enough was enough. I could no longer carry on this way. I didn't even want to drink, but I drank anyway because it was so much a part of my life that I didn't know what to do with myself without it. But, after finishing all the alcohol in my house that Sunday. I got on my knees and prayed. I found this forum and so far I have not picked up a drink though I have my guard up as I know how easy it is just to pick right back up where I left off (I don't plan on finishing this race).

Here I am 9 days sober and plan to remain that way for the rest of my life. Alcohol has already taken away too many years of my life with blackouts, hangovers and what not. I am determined to not let this disease get the best of me anymore. I want so much to have my peace, happiness and my life back, but I know I have to take this one day at a time.

wpainterw

uksupport inquired: "Blimey 25 years, well done. What made you join this forum?"

Two things caused me to join SR. The first is the loneliness which comes with increasing age. So many of my former friends have died. Everyone in my family is dead except for my kids who live far away. I seldom see them. The second thing is, I think, quite familiar to many or most on this website. I look back over the years and think of all the things I might have done, and the things I did, when I was drinking off and on for 40 years. In a sense I betrayed my family, myself. I cannot undo what is passed. All I can do is reach out a helping hand and give some hope to others who are going through what I did, tell them that there is a way out. By doing so I run the risk of "preaching", something I must not do. And I sense that many younger people, like in their teens or early twenties, have difficulty identifying with what an old geezer says. They're much more impressed with what is said by their peers. I respect that and I can cope with my loneliness. Maybe it's just that I wanted to leave something behind, something which said that I've learned so much and most of that I've learned from other recovering alcoholics. This could be the most frightful illness known. Cancer often results in pain, but does it end in shame,humiliation, regret, loss of respect, and, if there is a soul, loss of that too? The death of the self? There are no painkillers for alcoholism or any other substance dependency. There is only sobriety, a gift that does not come to all.

W.

ChefUK

Wpainterw, than you so much for replying. Your doing a fantastic thing here so many years after your last drink. In sorry to hear about your loneliness, I hope you don't feel lonely here, I feel like I've found so many with so much in common here. Oh and you don't come across as preaching at all.

Again thank you for replying.

tomsteve

there was a time I recall sittin in my craphole trailer tellin myself," I know im an alcoholic, but why cant I stop drinkin?' I didn't know what it meant to be an alcoholic.
I crashed my truck, got fired, and got evicted in one week.
that didn't stop me.
I watched up close a friend die from alcoholism.
that didn't stop me.

people didn't warn me. they told me I had a problem and I agreed and was happy to prove them right.
I suffered hangovers every morning. it didn't stop me.
hadn't ended up in the hospital for dinking.

it was my then fiancé tellin me the morning after my last drunk what I had done and said while I was in a blackout, then throwin me out, that I had finally gotten to the point of desperation. the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality and it was get help or kill myself.
I chose to get help.

things didn't get as bad as it had for others. but it was bad enough....for me.

nfijules

I got diagnosed with Psychosis...I thought I lived on camera....After 2 years of that, it got old and scary. I didnt lose my house, I lost my soul. I was tired. I actually found the Alcoholics Anonymous book, read it and thought the book was designed for me and broke. I entered treatment 2 days later and now am almost 3 years sober. That book saved my life.

alphaomega

At its worst ? Worse than you could ever imagine.

Couldn't leave the house for two years. Agorophobic to the Nth degree. Surrounded by enablers who while thinking they were helping should have given me a swift one right where the good Lord split me.

Forty pounds of weight gain but that wasn't the worst of it. Panic attacks that rendered me to my knees, hopeless and helpless. Blood pressure at 150/96.

Alphabet

It got pretty damn bad.

5 detoxes in one year
Lost friends
Lost an amazing boyfriend
Lost job
Lost my place to live
Liver damage
Gained a LOT of weight (for my frame, at least)

All these things were happening and I still couldn't stop even though I knew it was a serious problem after the first detox. Last week I just got fed up with the cycle and decided to put an end to it. Now, the long, slow process of rebuilding my life. At least I've regained some optimism