I'm done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
im an fing piece of **** who doesn;t even deserve to get sober. boght two bottles today, drank them and ordered another one. i cnat come back here to try and be sober, i don't deserve it. i wanet to grt clean but a loser like me won't makre it . and hwo would acceprt me anyway afyter this post? i cant show my face aroind here antmore.. and if i do i'd be the moron. the one to ebe laughed at.
here's a thing i woilnd't ever tell anyone when sober. but 1o years agp i got in a situation which nearlty killed me. booze helps me numb reality to make it so iyt doesn't huryt.
ive done more humiliarting myself inn one post than i have done in my entire life. i hav issues and alcogol is my medicin. not a good one, but ar least it numbs the pain.
sorruy lall, i know im a person not wanted here antymore, so ig yiu wamt me to leave. say so. i will hgo.
sorry for wasting utr time. im just wasting energu here and my existnce is wasting space.
sorry asgain.
here's a thing i woilnd't ever tell anyone when sober. but 1o years agp i got in a situation which nearlty killed me. booze helps me numb reality to make it so iyt doesn't huryt.
ive done more humiliarting myself inn one post than i have done in my entire life. i hav issues and alcogol is my medicin. not a good one, but ar least it numbs the pain.
sorruy lall, i know im a person not wanted here antymore, so ig yiu wamt me to leave. say so. i will hgo.
sorry for wasting utr time. im just wasting energu here and my existnce is wasting space.
sorry asgain.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
There's a lot of people here struggling Pete - you're not the only one.
Noone expects you to get this right off the bat either - it took me 15 years....of course I didn't have SR
Maybe tomorrow it's best to have a plan - make definite plans to avoid the liquor store, come and post in the Class of August thread for support (you'll find others there at the same point or thereabouts as you)
and do a little reading
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
In my experience, inaction just leads to more drinking....
you can turn things around tho Pete - with a little effort
D
Noone expects you to get this right off the bat either - it took me 15 years....of course I didn't have SR
Maybe tomorrow it's best to have a plan - make definite plans to avoid the liquor store, come and post in the Class of August thread for support (you'll find others there at the same point or thereabouts as you)
and do a little reading
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
In my experience, inaction just leads to more drinking....
you can turn things around tho Pete - with a little effort
D
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Pete, please don't leave the site. We've ALL been in the position you are now Not a single one of us, woke up bored one morning and thought ' What shall I do today... I know, I'll go find an addiction help site '.
You haven't embarrassed yourself, you're reaching out, even now. Don't stop reaching out tomorrow? The fact that you're here posting, says that you really DO want to beat this and you CAN!
Hopefully, see you around soon
Not a single one of us, woke up bored one morning and thought ' What shall I do today... I know, I'll go find an addiction help site '. You haven't embarrassed yourself, you're reaching out, even now. Don't stop reaching out tomorrow? The fact that you're here posting, says that you really DO want to beat this and you CAN!
Hopefully, see you around soon
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by Pete001 
i wanet to grt clean but a loser like me won't makre it . and hwo would acceprt me anyway afyter this post? i cant show my face aroind here antmore.. and if i do i'd be the moron. the one to ebe laughed at.
sorry for wasting utr time. im just wasting energu here and my existnce is wasting space.
sorry for wasting utr time. im just wasting energu here and my existnce is wasting space.
You are accepted. Period. No question about that. Try to trust in this.
No one is laughing at you, Pete. No one.
I care and I want you to come back.
Edit - I sent you a message so check yer inbox, man.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Don't do this to yourself please. Think about this, if you were ready to give up on quitting you would have just not come back. You just need some consistent encouragement and that's what your family here is for
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Tomorrow will never come at this rate, Pete. You gotta stop this. I was in the same situation as you, and I finally experienced such terrible health issues that I cried "uncle" and went to treatment. I was a morning-day-night drinker as well, and quite frankly treatment was embarrassing and difficult at first, but looking back it was the only way I'd have gotten sober.
Consider getting help, you need some structure with this, and I'm afraid going at it alone won't be enough for you. Good luck.
Consider getting help, you need some structure with this, and I'm afraid going at it alone won't be enough for you. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Pete, you are welcome here and there are MANY people here in your same circumstance.
There are also MANY that have quit and are doing really well that can offer help and suggestions.
BUT you gotta want it buddy! You gotta really want it. If you DO, and you are ready for help and willing to move through the tough parts to a better life, then PLEASE keep coming back and posting, reading and learning.
Most of us didn't get it right the first time. Many of us (me included) have screwed it up several times...but we kept coming back and Everyone here keeps welcoming us back.
You gotta want it my friend!! If so, there is plenty of help and hope!!!
There are also MANY that have quit and are doing really well that can offer help and suggestions.
BUT you gotta want it buddy! You gotta really want it. If you DO, and you are ready for help and willing to move through the tough parts to a better life, then PLEASE keep coming back and posting, reading and learning.
Most of us didn't get it right the first time. Many of us (me included) have screwed it up several times...but we kept coming back and Everyone here keeps welcoming us back.
You gotta want it my friend!! If so, there is plenty of help and hope!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Im lamost through myy 3rd bottle. it;;s early morning over here. rightr noww i can type because my inhibitions are diminished;. ones ive sobered upo i domt know if i can handle the humiliation of all this. there r drunks and hthen theres me, the moron, the loser who is just a reject in any situatuion. Id just be a bad infliuence to all of you. sorry.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Pete001
Im sone wasting my life ayway. I'm 2 and a half bottles of wine down and this has been goiing on for years. Tomorrowe I will quit. And I am hopinfg for support from here.
Srry for my typinh, i can barely see the screen. Sorruy for being such a loser.
I will quit tomorrow. After these three bottls, after all these years, it's enough.
Im hopinhg this forum will be of help...
Sorry for the mess I canr't evem decipher.
Pete
Srry for my typinh, i can barely see the screen. Sorruy for being such a loser.
I will quit tomorrow. After these three bottls, after all these years, it's enough.
Im hopinhg this forum will be of help...
Sorry for the mess I canr't evem decipher.
Pete
I hope you come back and arent scared off my being embarrassed by your post. There is NO shame is being an alcoholic trying to get better and change their life. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: US
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Pete001
I went to the store, bought wine and am drinking my first glass already... 
Tomorrow I must break this pattern. I know now that I've started drinking, I just cannot stop. To be honest, I feel disgusting and pathetic. I don't even like the taste of the wine. And it's actually a sad thing that I actually know to drink the first 2 glasses very fast because after that the taste isn't a problem anymore.
Tomorrow. A new day. A fresh start.
I feel uncomfortable posting while under the influence. My first post was actually very difficult for me to write for that reason, but I'm glad I did it. I knew I had to.
So I'll come back tomorrow.
Tomorrow I must break this pattern. I know now that I've started drinking, I just cannot stop. To be honest, I feel disgusting and pathetic. I don't even like the taste of the wine. And it's actually a sad thing that I actually know to drink the first 2 glasses very fast because after that the taste isn't a problem anymore.
Tomorrow. A new day. A fresh start.
I feel uncomfortable posting while under the influence. My first post was actually very difficult for me to write for that reason, but I'm glad I did it. I knew I had to.
So I'll come back tomorrow.
I spent most of my adult life drinking. 38 years actually. In the last few years I had no problem downing a couple of bottles of wine only to wake up next morning planning the next evening's drinking. It's awful to spend most of your life either intoxicated or recovering or planning the next evening. So it's tough, but here I am at Day 1 with two BIG bottles of water and a determination to make this work.
I've only been a member for one day, but can already see how great this community truly is.
Hope to see you online tomorrow.
Hiker
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Pete - every one of us was sure we were the worst drunk ever.
You aren't
and even if you were?
there's nothing you could do to be a bad influence on anyone else here, trust me.
Whenever someone wants our help, we're here...that's how this place works
There's a lot of hope here
I drank for 20 years. at the end, I drank all day every day for 5 years.
I ended up the neighbourhood bum that mothers shooed their kids away from.
I've been sober now since 2007.
If I can turn that around, anyone can
You can keep going on the way you're going, or give something else a go.
It's up to you Pete.
D
You aren't
and even if you were?
there's nothing you could do to be a bad influence on anyone else here, trust me.
Whenever someone wants our help, we're here...that's how this place works
There's a lot of hope here
I drank for 20 years. at the end, I drank all day every day for 5 years.
I ended up the neighbourhood bum that mothers shooed their kids away from.
I've been sober now since 2007.
If I can turn that around, anyone can
You can keep going on the way you're going, or give something else a go.
It's up to you Pete.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 08-13-2013 at 10:02 PM.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Pete, there is probably not one person on this site that hasn't experienced EXACTLY what you are going through. Morning after morning, I promised myself no more. Night after night I brought home my bottles of wine and drank them all. Every night for THIRTY YEARS!
The hardest part of quitting is walking away from that first drink. Leaving it alone for one night. Your ability to stop, and stay stopped, is like a muscle, and yours is currently in pretty rough shape. That's the bad news. The good news is that that particular muscle can start getting stronger very quickly. One night, then two, then a week, month, year, and next thing you know you're Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime!
I've been sober for four years. It is better, by FAR, than I ever thought it could be. For me, going to a 12 Step (AA) meeting was the beginning. But oh, man was it hard to walk in that door the first time! I was actively drinking when I started going to meetings, but found, as you will (I swear to you, the people there will understand like no one else) a comfort, a peace. It's like finding a cold pool of fresh water, when you've been crawling through a desert. You won't be judged, or looked down on. Virtually every person in that meeting has been in your shoes. I don't know why it works, but there is something deeply moving in those rooms. Enromous. Life changing. You will feel, maybe not at first, but soon, like you have come home.
There is hope for you Pete, I swear it. There are people, waiting to help you, waiting to show you how. You are not alone. I pulled myself out of the deepest, darkest, loneliest place in the world. I hated myself with passion, saw nothing of value in my existence. But I was wrong...just like, my friend, you are wrong. Reach out. Ask for help. One tiny, shaky step at a time.
When I finally made stopping the priority (after a thousand starts) I moved into a Sober Living house for two months. I couldn't afford rehab, and Sober Living was cheap (i paid $500 a month). If you look, you can find live in programs that are free. I found it enormously helpful, because sobriety became the only focus in my life for those two months. That was my path, but you will find your own way. I later began attending a program called Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12 step program (free) that I love to attend still, and love deeply.
You don't realize it Pete, but there is a tiny light burning inside you that wants this to stop. You sat down and found this website because in some deep place in your soul, you know that you can do it.
I believe in you.
The hardest part of quitting is walking away from that first drink. Leaving it alone for one night. Your ability to stop, and stay stopped, is like a muscle, and yours is currently in pretty rough shape. That's the bad news. The good news is that that particular muscle can start getting stronger very quickly. One night, then two, then a week, month, year, and next thing you know you're Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime!
I've been sober for four years. It is better, by FAR, than I ever thought it could be. For me, going to a 12 Step (AA) meeting was the beginning. But oh, man was it hard to walk in that door the first time! I was actively drinking when I started going to meetings, but found, as you will (I swear to you, the people there will understand like no one else) a comfort, a peace. It's like finding a cold pool of fresh water, when you've been crawling through a desert. You won't be judged, or looked down on. Virtually every person in that meeting has been in your shoes. I don't know why it works, but there is something deeply moving in those rooms. Enromous. Life changing. You will feel, maybe not at first, but soon, like you have come home.
There is hope for you Pete, I swear it. There are people, waiting to help you, waiting to show you how. You are not alone. I pulled myself out of the deepest, darkest, loneliest place in the world. I hated myself with passion, saw nothing of value in my existence. But I was wrong...just like, my friend, you are wrong. Reach out. Ask for help. One tiny, shaky step at a time.
When I finally made stopping the priority (after a thousand starts) I moved into a Sober Living house for two months. I couldn't afford rehab, and Sober Living was cheap (i paid $500 a month). If you look, you can find live in programs that are free. I found it enormously helpful, because sobriety became the only focus in my life for those two months. That was my path, but you will find your own way. I later began attending a program called Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12 step program (free) that I love to attend still, and love deeply.
You don't realize it Pete, but there is a tiny light burning inside you that wants this to stop. You sat down and found this website because in some deep place in your soul, you know that you can do it.
I believe in you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 97
Pete, no one on this site hasn't been where you are. I'm sure of it. Zoe and Dee are absolutely right, we are all here because we need help and I'm sure we've all humiliated ourselves more profoundly than a simple relapse post. I know I have. Waaaay more profoundly. We absolutely won't judge anything you do or post. We're all trying together and we absolutely want you to join us and try too. Please don't give up on yourself. We won't give up on you... no matter how many tries it takes. You deserve sobriety. You are not a "moron" or a "loser," you're just a little soul out there who needs some support and help, just like we all are. No shame in that!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In my head...tis dark in here!
Posts: 213
Pete, you will not be judged here...if all alcoholics got it booted for good the first, second, hundredth time even, then there would be a lot less of us around still struggling ...but as others have said, you sat down and found this site...you want help, change...start by making a change when you wake up, don't buy the wine...stay in bed if you have to and glued to this site, reading and posting (pretty much what i did yesterday) anything to get you though that first day...drink lots of water .. .dont give up on giving up!
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