new and confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: St. Somewhere
Posts: 11
new and confused
I recently discovered my boyfriend of 3 years is an alcoholic and is using drugs. He is (was) in the military and we have always lived apart. Until recently I had not noticed him drinking excessively, however, I would see him pushing away from things in his life that he should have been upset about. Two months ago I noticed a change in his behavior. Long story short, he has been living about 3 different lives. One with a wife across the country, one with me, and one with the military. Our relationship was the best I have ever had, he was wonderful to me. Now I have found out he was using marijuana and cocaine along with the drinking. I found out who the girl friend is because he would talk about her, and tell me all of the "bad" things she was doing with another guy from work. When it all came to light the "other guy" was HIM. I planned to meet him and try and force him to get treatment, but he refused, so i called his command. Now he hates me and I am questioning my own intentions. I realize that someone had to help him. I feel so guilty and confused. I find myself trying to figure out what was really going on for 3 years. I just don't know how to move forward. any suggestions?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, Mermaid, and welcome to Sober Recovery. Glad you found this forum, altho it's too bad that you need to come here....
We have a section here especially for those who are involved w/addicts. Here is a link to the one for those involved with alcoholics Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and here is a link to those involved with substance abusers, since it sounds like your bf did both Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I can't imagine how confused and hurt you must be right now, but if you can take some time to read on this forum and educate yourself about alcoholism and other addictions, it will help you understand what's been going on.
I also highly recommend that you find some Alanon meetings and attend those. Here's a link to help you find meetings http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Some face-to-face support is a good idea in addition to this forum.
Again, welcome to SR. Take care of yourself, educate yourself, and you'll start to gradually see your way forward.
We have a section here especially for those who are involved w/addicts. Here is a link to the one for those involved with alcoholics Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and here is a link to those involved with substance abusers, since it sounds like your bf did both Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I can't imagine how confused and hurt you must be right now, but if you can take some time to read on this forum and educate yourself about alcoholism and other addictions, it will help you understand what's been going on.
I also highly recommend that you find some Alanon meetings and attend those. Here's a link to help you find meetings http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Some face-to-face support is a good idea in addition to this forum.
Again, welcome to SR. Take care of yourself, educate yourself, and you'll start to gradually see your way forward.
to SR! I'm glad you joined us but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. 
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