ZoeM

Kadidee - thanks SO much for sharing that. I'm day 5 this morning, so how about we do this together? x

ZoeM

Thanks Steve

ZoeM

Hi Sasha and sorry for not replying yesterday, was a little overwhelmed x
All those days are fantastic - well done you!! I'm determined this time, to the point where I'm going to read my original post, every single morning until at least the first year is over. I promise you all not to keep posting on it and bumping it up though, or you'll be bored with the sight of me xx

ZoeM

Thanks Tameura xx

pinkdog

Hi Zoe, welcome. You are blessed to have such a daughter. My son's unconditional love helped me to quit. You came to the right place.

ZoeM

WOW! So many replies. I need to go offline for a little while, but promise to answer all when I get home xx

Sasha4

Zoe there were 2 slogans (I think that is what they are called in AA) or statements that really summed up my drinking for me.

Maybe they might help you?

I used to have them written down, and would read them if I was tempted to drink or not think I had a problem.

Here they are

1. I have regretted drinking many, many times. I have never regretted not drinking once.

That could explain my whole drinking 'career' Zoe!! Honestly if I think back to events where drinking has been involved - wedding's, birthdays, BBQ's, christening's, 40th birthdays etc etc there are very few I can remember where I had a couple of drinks and felt happy.

Most were blackout events, covered in bruises, feeling mortified, not remembering who I offended, if I fell over etc etc.

2.If I do not take the first drink, I cannot get drunk.

For me and I expect for many more drinker too, it is not the 7th or 8th drink , or 2nd bottle of wine that makes me drunk, but the first drink. If I do not drink that first drink, I cannot get drunk.

I use this phrase almost like a shield Zoe. Like I am shielding myself, my face, my mind from that first drink, so I know there is no way in this world I can get drunk and blackout.

I made more changes with my lifestyle too.
I had a favourite glass, my usual spot on the sofa, hours of mindless television.
The glass has been smashed, I am up off the sofa and busy with the TV turned off.

I work full time, I have a three year old, so I mainly did my drinking in the evening.

At first it seemed strange not drinking as soon as the clock chimed seven and my baby was in bed.

It was not DIFFERENT just DIFFERENT.

I did anything and everything to stop me drinking. I spent a long time on SR learning about addiction, I had long baths, I went IKEA, I went for a drive with loud music, I cleared junk out for a carboot sale many times. I sorted my photographs out on the computer into dated albums, I exercised, I ate stacks of rainbow drops and drank really sweet hot chocolate.

And here I am over 530 days without a drink!

If someone told me that I would give up drinking for over a year, I would have laughed at them. But I did!!! And I am so proud of myself and you can be proud too, like me!

And the best bit - I do NOT miss it one tiny bit.

I can now not imagine sitting and drinking for hours and hours. How did I waste all that time?

It is so nice being able to drive whenever I want to at night because I am not over the limit.

It is so nice to know, as long as I do not pick that first drink up, that I will never have to wake up from a blackout again cringing, mortified, not knowing what I did and having to have someone tell me, feeling like I have just been dug up, ever ever again!!!

The help, the knowledge, the support, the company, the friendships, the honesty I have got from this website has been truly life changing for me.

It can be for you two Zoe if you want it.

I wish you the best xxxx

ReadyAtLast

Welcome to SR Zoe-another Brit here

This site is a great source of support and strength for me. Just knowing there are people who understand helps so much. People who have been there and know how I feel

stacia lives

Welcome ZoeUK!!

You ARE at home here. I've never felt less alone & more supported.
I'm thankful that you are safe, and your daughter has a strong mum that has 4 days sober! Congrats!!

Check out Class of August '13.


Stacia

ACOAHappyNow

No judgment here either. As an ACOA I saw worse from my parents. Much worse. I realize it was the booze, not them. After she got away from my dad, my mom stopped drinking and her life got better.

My fathers life got worse and worse. Now he is dying due to alcoholism. I forgive him everything because I know it was the booze. But my heart aches that I was never able to help him.

Your daughter almost certainly understands and forgives you. You will have to forgive yourself, as well.

I bet your daughter just wants you to be well. As I wished for my father, for decades.

Please don't leave your daughter regretting she was never able to save you from yourself. Do everything and anything to get well, even if it isn't really comfortable at first.

ZoeM

Thanks ACOA. I appreciate your support

PLEASE can I ask that we let this thread disappear back off the front page? Two weeks further on, I really don't want it staring me in the face every time I sign in

Many thanks xxxxxxxx