believerinhim

This is my first post. My emotions are all over the place so please forgive me if I ramble.

My husband is an addict. He is addicted to alcohol and pornography. He told me months ago that he had started drinking again after several years of sobriety. He also told me that he was watching porn on the internet. We went to counseling. He said he was finished with it but he wasn't. He would go and run an errand and be gone or up to 9 hours at a time. Not answering his phone or texts. I found him at a strip club, having an hour long private dance. I waited for him in the parking lot and told him to move out. That was in June. I told him I wanted him in a rehab program and he is now 2 weeks into it. He also goes to AA. We have be married almost 8 years.

I know that his recovery comes 1st. He is going on an outpatient bases, 3 nights a week for 3 hours each night. I feel like I am completely alone. I feel like my husband is gone now and living his own life without me while I take care of his 15 year old daughter and the house. I have told him that our marriage is broken and we need to start from a new point. Am I asking too much that he start courting me now and trying to win back my affection while he is going through rehab? I just feel so alone and hurt and then I get angry which pushes him further away. I am seeing a counselor but still get severely depressed and have thought of suicide a lot. I need someone that knows what I'm going through to talk to me.

IOAA2

Welcome. You seem to have a mental grasp on the situation and certainly need relief from all your going through. 1st I’d suggest attending flesh Al Anon meetingS where people understand you because they have been there. There are forums on this site called friends and families which offer support also. It’s heartbreaking work that is worth it in the long run no matter how it turns out because you learn how to handle these difficult times for your recovery.

Marcher13

believerinhim welcome to SR. As you've learned addicted people don't behave rationally or particularly reasonably, their addiction is usually fed before anything else in life is taken care of. What a good person you are to assume full care of your step daughter.

In the sticky links above you'll find professionals available around the clock who can offer help. Here on the forum there are some of us who were addicts and others who live/d with addicts so many points of view are shared.

There is hope for good things in your own life, one step at a time.

honeypig

feelingalone, welcome to SR. This is a great community, but I would like to second the advice to seek in-person help NOW if you are having suicidal thoughts. That intensity of problem can't be dealt with via an internet forum. Please don't waste any time, contact someone who has experience in this area and take care of yourself.

When you are able, here is the link for the Family and Friends section of this forum Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and here is a link to Alanon, which I also highly recommend. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

You are NOT alone, however you may feel. There are many here who have been where you are now and have gone on to live happy and fulfilling lives. Again, when you are able, do some reading and learn from the experience, strength and hope they share here. First, though, get some help in stabilizing your emotions and leaving those suicidal thoughts behind, OK?

Dee74

how are you doing believerinhim?

D

believerinhim

I had a pretty good day today. I take care of my grand daughter, who is 18 months old, nearly 4 days a week. That can sometimes lift my spirits or set me up for a when she leaves. Tonight was good though.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just so used to feeling depressed that I'm afraid to let it all go and let joy in. I don't know what that is like. I know my husband is working hard at his rehab sessions and doing things that I have asked him to do. I am lonely for him though. I have to find my own source of happiness and I am the type of person that has always done for others. My counselor has me started on the book "Boundaries" and I think it will really help me. I have also down loaded the book "Living Sober" written by the wife of the man that started AA. I don't think I'm ready for a real life group yet. My emotions are so raw and I'm so tired of crying. I believe this site will help be also. I don't feel as alone as I was although I know it will visit me again. Sooner than I would like. I'm glad to be here and thank you all for such a warm welcome.