I'm new here and looking for a new beginning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 19
I'm new here and looking for a new beginning
Hi everyone. I just want to introduce myself. I'm happy to have found this website and feel that it will offer me a lot of guidance and support.
I'll try to give you the short version of my story. I'm turning 25 next week. I started drinking when I was a freshman in high school. I had fairly regular (according to our society) drinking habits throughout high school and college. I rarely blacked out and didn't get into any trouble. Alcohol became an issue for me after I graduated college. I should also say, my dad is an alcoholic and addict and I've grown up watching him struggle with addiction and depression. I watched his well-respected career, and him, fall apart. I have been warned since I started drinking to be careful, as genetics can play a big part in addiction. After college, I moved home and started dating a guy who liked to drink a lot. Our relationship was fueled by getting drunk together. I started blacking out more and more. I got a DUI in 2011. And then had my license taken away in 2013 because of a probation violation. My social life is centered around alcohol. I'll go out to bars with friends, and each time I'll tell myself that I won't get too drunk. I'll stop once I get tipsy. But it never works. It's reached a point now where I brown or black out every time I drink. I do stuff that is completely out of character when I'm in this state. I've embarrassed myself, acted crazy, been disrespectful to friends, family, and roommates, and put myself in dangerous situations. I injure myself drunk all the time...broken toes, sprained ankles, bruises, scratches. I spend way to much money that I don't have. Every morning after I go out is the same. I wake up and search for all of my belongings in a panic. I try to piece together the end of the night by looking at my texts and calls. I apologize to people that I think I disturbed or disrespected, never really knowing what I'm apologizing for because I don't remember. Then the guilt sets in and I cry and think hateful thoughts about myself.
I went out last night and browned out. I do not remember leaving the bar. Next thing I remember is that I was walking around my neighborhood, unable to find my house. How I got to my neighborhood and why I was several blocks away from my house is beyond me. I broke the nail off my big toe, and it might be broken. How? Again, I don't know. I went down and sat and the beach this morning and cried. I talked to my dad and he told me to make a change or else I'll end up like him. I need to get sober or I will end up in jail or dead. Enough is enough. I want to be clear. I want to find myself without using alcohol as a crutch for social situations or dealing with emotions. I want to be the best person I can be. I know I'm a good person and have a lot to offer the world and myself, but I'm not going achieve my best being drunk and hungover all the time.
It's hard to imagine not having a glass of wine after a long day at work, having a margarita at the pool while on vacation, or not ordering a drink at the bar. I'm in my "prime" so to speak and drinking is a big part of the social scene. No drink on a first date? Eek. But it's reached the point where the the laughs, "good times", and bonding with people that I achieve when drinking is not worth the danger I'm putting myself and others in, the forgotten memories, the embarrassment, the guilt, and the ungodly hangovers.
Nice to meet you all and hope to chat with many of you in the future.
I'll try to give you the short version of my story. I'm turning 25 next week. I started drinking when I was a freshman in high school. I had fairly regular (according to our society) drinking habits throughout high school and college. I rarely blacked out and didn't get into any trouble. Alcohol became an issue for me after I graduated college. I should also say, my dad is an alcoholic and addict and I've grown up watching him struggle with addiction and depression. I watched his well-respected career, and him, fall apart. I have been warned since I started drinking to be careful, as genetics can play a big part in addiction. After college, I moved home and started dating a guy who liked to drink a lot. Our relationship was fueled by getting drunk together. I started blacking out more and more. I got a DUI in 2011. And then had my license taken away in 2013 because of a probation violation. My social life is centered around alcohol. I'll go out to bars with friends, and each time I'll tell myself that I won't get too drunk. I'll stop once I get tipsy. But it never works. It's reached a point now where I brown or black out every time I drink. I do stuff that is completely out of character when I'm in this state. I've embarrassed myself, acted crazy, been disrespectful to friends, family, and roommates, and put myself in dangerous situations. I injure myself drunk all the time...broken toes, sprained ankles, bruises, scratches. I spend way to much money that I don't have. Every morning after I go out is the same. I wake up and search for all of my belongings in a panic. I try to piece together the end of the night by looking at my texts and calls. I apologize to people that I think I disturbed or disrespected, never really knowing what I'm apologizing for because I don't remember. Then the guilt sets in and I cry and think hateful thoughts about myself.
I went out last night and browned out. I do not remember leaving the bar. Next thing I remember is that I was walking around my neighborhood, unable to find my house. How I got to my neighborhood and why I was several blocks away from my house is beyond me. I broke the nail off my big toe, and it might be broken. How? Again, I don't know. I went down and sat and the beach this morning and cried. I talked to my dad and he told me to make a change or else I'll end up like him. I need to get sober or I will end up in jail or dead. Enough is enough. I want to be clear. I want to find myself without using alcohol as a crutch for social situations or dealing with emotions. I want to be the best person I can be. I know I'm a good person and have a lot to offer the world and myself, but I'm not going achieve my best being drunk and hungover all the time.
It's hard to imagine not having a glass of wine after a long day at work, having a margarita at the pool while on vacation, or not ordering a drink at the bar. I'm in my "prime" so to speak and drinking is a big part of the social scene. No drink on a first date? Eek. But it's reached the point where the the laughs, "good times", and bonding with people that I achieve when drinking is not worth the danger I'm putting myself and others in, the forgotten memories, the embarrassment, the guilt, and the ungodly hangovers.
Nice to meet you all and hope to chat with many of you in the future.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome, and I'm glad you found us.
It sounds like you're ready to make the changes in your life that you need to make to get sober. What you described in your post is a black out. I had those towards the end of my drinking days and they are so very scary. They are also extremely dangerous, especially for a woman.
I know you will find lots of support here.
It sounds like you're ready to make the changes in your life that you need to make to get sober. What you described in your post is a black out. I had those towards the end of my drinking days and they are so very scary. They are also extremely dangerous, especially for a woman.
I know you will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
hay Hakuna
i was like you too. i drank in college to reduce test anxiety. actually a professor suggested it to the class to have a small drink right before a final and it will reduce anxiety, well it did and i did great on them. but over the years it lead to drinking daily, and even blacking out. but i had a wake up call like you did and saw all i had to loose, my past education, career, future just to name a few. so i stopped drinking one day.
i miss so much having a beer after work, laying by the pool, or watching sports. but for now i know i cannot do it. and you are so correct, it is not worth it, so much to risk and so much to loose. i am glad you saw all you had to loose and to gain. keep up the good work, and stay sober. i been sober over 8 months now, and it is no easy road, but it is enjoyable road at the end of the day.
keep in touch
i was like you too. i drank in college to reduce test anxiety. actually a professor suggested it to the class to have a small drink right before a final and it will reduce anxiety, well it did and i did great on them. but over the years it lead to drinking daily, and even blacking out. but i had a wake up call like you did and saw all i had to loose, my past education, career, future just to name a few. so i stopped drinking one day.
i miss so much having a beer after work, laying by the pool, or watching sports. but for now i know i cannot do it. and you are so correct, it is not worth it, so much to risk and so much to loose. i am glad you saw all you had to loose and to gain. keep up the good work, and stay sober. i been sober over 8 months now, and it is no easy road, but it is enjoyable road at the end of the day.
keep in touch
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 257
Hello Hakun!! You've come to s great place if u are looking for support!!! You are still young w a lot of years to go. I joined the class of August 2013 last week. Took me a few months to make up my mind and for me it was the right choice. Hope to see u around!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: north carolina
Posts: 42
One of the most awful feelings in the world is to be having a conversation with my husband the morning after a drinking binge and have him look at me and say, "seriously, we just talked in length about this last night." I usually say, "oh yeah that's right" and quickly change the subject because I'm so ashamed. How is a person able to hold conversations and not remember them is beyond me, but it is scary and I don't want it to happen again.
I can only imagine how scary it is to be OUTSIDE your own home and have it happen. Please stay safe. Love yourself. You deserve a long, healthy life!!!!
I can only imagine how scary it is to be OUTSIDE your own home and have it happen. Please stay safe. Love yourself. You deserve a long, healthy life!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome Hakuna! I know you'll benefit from being here at this turning point in your life. We want to help.
Such a well written post - and you described me in my 20's perfectly. I was exactly like you. Yet I chose to ignore the truth about my drinking. I was determined to make it fun again - to use willpower to have just one or two. Anything but give it up all together. I never was honest with myself about where I might be headed. I'm so glad you're looking at what alcohol is doing to your life. The little bit of enjoyment you may get out of it is never worth the risk you're taking. In the end, I was in danger every time I picked up. When I found SR I was drinking all day & couldn't imagine a way out. This never has to happen to you. It sounds like it's exhausting for you to continue on this way. Be proud of yourself for taking action now.
Such a well written post - and you described me in my 20's perfectly. I was exactly like you. Yet I chose to ignore the truth about my drinking. I was determined to make it fun again - to use willpower to have just one or two. Anything but give it up all together. I never was honest with myself about where I might be headed. I'm so glad you're looking at what alcohol is doing to your life. The little bit of enjoyment you may get out of it is never worth the risk you're taking. In the end, I was in danger every time I picked up. When I found SR I was drinking all day & couldn't imagine a way out. This never has to happen to you. It sounds like it's exhausting for you to continue on this way. Be proud of yourself for taking action now.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Welcome aboard and KUDOS to you for recognizing your problem and the wisdom and courage to try to do something about it! Best wishes on your road to recovery! You CAN be sober AND have a happy social life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California
Posts: 30
Welcome! I'm 27 and have been sober for 10 months...I wanted to get sober at 25 but didn't make my mind up to do it until 26. I can definitely relate to some of your story.
I know what you mean about it being hard to imagine doing certain things in life without drinking...but in my experience, the longer you stay sober...the less scary and bizarre it will start to become.
I know what you mean about it being hard to imagine doing certain things in life without drinking...but in my experience, the longer you stay sober...the less scary and bizarre it will start to become.
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