Total misery
 

Yesterday, my AV took me down that long, dark road again and I couldn't beat it, I tried so hard but I couldn't. It was pushing and pushing and I just couldn't fight it, I felt beat. I feel beat.

Why, can't I overcome this ****ing thing?

I actually feel like topping myself today.

Awww, so sorry DS! Don't beat yourself up. You are only human! Just climb back on that horse and ride down the path toward sobriety!

Remember, if you have one foot in yesterday and the other foot in tomorrow, you p*ss all over today!

DS..I'm guessing your recent relapse played into the mix here. I know you were bummed about the loss of your "pink cloud sobriety" after 35 days. Alcohol is a poisonous, gutting SOB. I know you are in the dark..but you are also suffering alcohol's depressant affects after drinking..not to mention whatever you are doing to yourself for losing another battle. STOP IT. We cannot underestimate the power of its evil clutches once we give it some oxygen in relapse.

You are among friends here...friends fighting the same war. Alcohol is an enemy. You need to recharge, regroup and perhaps arm yourself with some bigger artillery. Don't let it win.

Do you have a plan, a specific plan for when it happens again - because it will?

Make a plan, keep it in your head and be ready for it.

I'm glad you're back and working on your sobriety.

DS - i don't know what "topping" yourself means, but it sounds bad. Please don't. Please, please don't. go into chat or something, call a hotline. Know that you're worth sobriety.

where is the chat room, I'm feeling pretty desperate right now

At the top of the SR page..hit the "chat" icon

Don't feel down DS. You can overcome this thing you just need to make some adjustments. Please don't do anything rash. We're all fighting on your side here :)

First of, don't fight! Identify your AV and whatever you do, don't engage. Dismiss it as your annoying AV trying to get it's own way again. I don't know the reasons why but whenever any of us engage with our AV and try to have a rational conversation with it or a reasonable debate, it always wins. The key here is acceptance, not winning. Accept that your AV will try to trick you and do your best to ignore it. Distraction is a totally valid tool. Go to an alcohol free place like the cinema or a walk in the park and just don't engage with that voice.

If you haven't already I would advise getting some face to face support too. You don't have to do this alone x

go to A&E. go now. don't spend any more time thinking about lapsing, relapsing, whatever the hell else. it's not important right now.

get some help. present yourself and ask for the Crisis Team or the duty Psychiatrist. they WILL help you.

go now.

I can't get in, I need to download something and I can't seem to do it!!!!

Did you say yes to allowing the download on your computer?
Failing that...do what Ippo says....stat. Do something...keep doing something.

I think I can get in now, thank God!!!

Thinking about you DS! I hope you've gotten some help