Helpless yet Hopeful
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 5
Helpless yet Hopeful
Hi everyone
It's my first time addressing that my relationship with alcohol has gotten out of hand. Truth is I don't know why I keep harming my body, mind and soul with what today feels like poison.
I went out last night as I always do on a Friday night and drank until I couldn't string a sentence together. I also smoked; something I haven't done for 10 months. I was out with my husband and his work colleagues, can't believe I embarrassed myself in front of them all.
My husband and I both drink a dangerously high amount of alcohol every weekend and the drinking is now creeping into weekday nights.
I am so sick of feeling rotten, my hangovers last for days now and I will often use hair of the dog tactics to rid my body of those awful feelings.
I wish I knew why I drink like this. I have tried cutting down and also drinking alcohol with lower abv, but nothing works. My husband and I are a bad influence on each other I know that and it's time for one of us to be strong and I want it to me.
If anyone has any tips on how I can stop and how we can help each other through sobriety I would be so grateful. We have no idea how to have fun without alcohol, how sad.
I can't go through life feeling like this anymore. I am not sure if I am an alcoholic or not. I keep making excuses for my drinking and even while typing this I can hear myself explaining in my head why I couldn't stop drinking completely, I have two parties to go to this week, and next month we will be seeing old friends in Chicago who we always used to drink heavily with. I need some strength but not sure how to create it........
With heart
Alex
It's my first time addressing that my relationship with alcohol has gotten out of hand. Truth is I don't know why I keep harming my body, mind and soul with what today feels like poison.
I went out last night as I always do on a Friday night and drank until I couldn't string a sentence together. I also smoked; something I haven't done for 10 months. I was out with my husband and his work colleagues, can't believe I embarrassed myself in front of them all.
My husband and I both drink a dangerously high amount of alcohol every weekend and the drinking is now creeping into weekday nights.
I am so sick of feeling rotten, my hangovers last for days now and I will often use hair of the dog tactics to rid my body of those awful feelings.
I wish I knew why I drink like this. I have tried cutting down and also drinking alcohol with lower abv, but nothing works. My husband and I are a bad influence on each other I know that and it's time for one of us to be strong and I want it to me.
If anyone has any tips on how I can stop and how we can help each other through sobriety I would be so grateful. We have no idea how to have fun without alcohol, how sad.
I can't go through life feeling like this anymore. I am not sure if I am an alcoholic or not. I keep making excuses for my drinking and even while typing this I can hear myself explaining in my head why I couldn't stop drinking completely, I have two parties to go to this week, and next month we will be seeing old friends in Chicago who we always used to drink heavily with. I need some strength but not sure how to create it........
With heart
Alex
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 257
Hi again. Only u can say if u are or not. But I can say u sound like a lot of us here. I'm here cause I WANT sobriety and I have found a lot of support here. Let's see; excuses, dangerous levels, hair of the dog, and you sound some what concerned. Well, you sound s lot like me and some of my new found friends here on SR. Oh , embarrassed. Stick around for a while. I joined the class of August 2013 and it took me 5 months to do it. Check it out and you'll get an idea how this wonderful place works. Hold on to your shoes!!! Glad u came...come back I think you'll like it here!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Hi Alex,
Glad you found your way to this site. There's a lot of good people here working at getting their lives clean of alcohol and drugs.
You'll find a lot of support. It can be really hard to quit when being tempted by attending parties. Especially during the first month of sobriety.
Not saying it can't be done, but, it will be hard. Does your husband think he is drinking too much as well?
And yes Alex, you can have lots of fun without alcohol.
Glad you found your way to this site. There's a lot of good people here working at getting their lives clean of alcohol and drugs.
You'll find a lot of support. It can be really hard to quit when being tempted by attending parties. Especially during the first month of sobriety.
Not saying it can't be done, but, it will be hard. Does your husband think he is drinking too much as well?
And yes Alex, you can have lots of fun without alcohol.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
to SR! Quitting drinking is not easy, but it's simple: you just have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. 
There are many different ways to get sober. Some go to AA or another program like SMART or Women for Sobriety. Some like myself go to counseling. Some just come here every day to post and encourage others, which in turn, encourages them too.
I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Welcome Alex. I think you'll find it really helpful to be here with us. We've all been where you are and know just how you feel.
I remember reaching the stage you're at now. Drinking had once been so much fun, so relaxing. It seemed innocent & harmless enough in the beginning. I never dreamed that over the years it would take over my life & in the end I'd be completely dependent on it. I did the hair of the dog thing too - and that led to drinking every night. Then all day. I couldn't have it out of my system or I'd shake. You never have to reach that point. It's good you realize you could be headed for danger. I hope it helps to share your feelings here. We care about you.
I remember reaching the stage you're at now. Drinking had once been so much fun, so relaxing. It seemed innocent & harmless enough in the beginning. I never dreamed that over the years it would take over my life & in the end I'd be completely dependent on it. I did the hair of the dog thing too - and that led to drinking every night. Then all day. I couldn't have it out of my system or I'd shake. You never have to reach that point. It's good you realize you could be headed for danger. I hope it helps to share your feelings here. We care about you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 5
Thanks guys for your words of welcome and encouragement, means a lot to know I'm not the only one going through this. My husband does feel that he is drinking too much too, but I don't feel he is ready to quit. I am seeking out some counselling and hope to get an appointment next week. I will definitely be sticking around and checking this site out properly. It's time for me to make a serious change to my lifestyle, hopefully I get the tools to make this happen soon, thank you so much for your support, never thought I would be doing this on a Saturday night, it's a good start already, just need to keep it going when I am hangover free.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 257
Alex... I found this place by accident and boy am I glad. Never thought I could find this level of support. Incredible amount!!!! All from complete strangers but with the same goal in mind...sobriety. You're headed in the right direction, I think, and before any serious damage has been done. But the consumption will most likely get worse if you go by the common theme we seem to all share. Hope to see u here again!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: north carolina
Posts: 42
Alex,
I'm new here too. Just made my first post a few minutes ago. One concern you mentioned is one I have as well...I'm not sure I can figure out how to have fun without alcohol. Most of my long-term friends started as my drinking buddies. How can I keep these special people when it feels like we don't have anything in common (drinking)? I wish you the best, and I'm with you...hopefully our feelings about quitting will continue once this awful hangover ends.
I'm new here too. Just made my first post a few minutes ago. One concern you mentioned is one I have as well...I'm not sure I can figure out how to have fun without alcohol. Most of my long-term friends started as my drinking buddies. How can I keep these special people when it feels like we don't have anything in common (drinking)? I wish you the best, and I'm with you...hopefully our feelings about quitting will continue once this awful hangover ends.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 5
Hey JoJo
Great to know I have a kindred spirit tonight. I know, I've tried getting into hobbies but the devil on my shoulder needs no encouragement come Friday night, or Tuesday night these days. I guess it's like people say we have to want to be sober in order to succeed. I honestly think I need some professional help to undo years of drinking irresponsibly. I am here for you if you want to talk, might help us to know we are not doing this alone as beginners to sobriety - I'm going to give it a shot, wish me luck I'm gonna need it!
Alex
Great to know I have a kindred spirit tonight. I know, I've tried getting into hobbies but the devil on my shoulder needs no encouragement come Friday night, or Tuesday night these days. I guess it's like people say we have to want to be sober in order to succeed. I honestly think I need some professional help to undo years of drinking irresponsibly. I am here for you if you want to talk, might help us to know we are not doing this alone as beginners to sobriety - I'm going to give it a shot, wish me luck I'm gonna need it!
Alex
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 5
Oh and I hear you on the drinking buddy thing, all of my friends are heavy drinkers, I suppose that's cos we all share that hobbie. Hopefully we can make some new friends or try doing sober activities with our existing friends, it may just work out. I know it's tough considering ditching your friends over this but I think a healthy body and mind are more important than drinking buddies, if they are our true friends they will understand that
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: north carolina
Posts: 42
Good point about the drinking buddies. It is so silly when I actually type it, but I have walked away from potentially awesome friendships because I knew they didn't drink much and I wouldn't be able to do it around them...uugghh...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 41
Greetings fellow Minnesotan. I had some of the same fears of missing out on events that revolved around drinking. I did the excuse making for years. I'm almost 2 weeks sober. You're welcome to look at my profile and view my story which you might be able to relate to. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 5
Omg I have done exactly the same thing JoJo - it's awful but I thought people who didnt drink were boring it seems we have been missing out, plus when you think about it what is more boring than a drunk person!!
Greetings fellow Minnesotan (i am actually British but like to think of myself as an honorary Minnesotan!) thx for the encouragement, I will def check your profile out :-) and happy two weeks well done
Greetings fellow Minnesotan (i am actually British but like to think of myself as an honorary Minnesotan!) thx for the encouragement, I will def check your profile out :-) and happy two weeks well done
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 257
Carolina girl on my mind. Hi jojo I read your 1st post. I quit for 2 years w no help. None but me. I know, why right. Well loved the buzz for sure, thought that maybe since I had NO alcohol during that time, I might be able to moderate drinking. Well I knew better but had to learn the hard way! Again!! U can try coming here and chatting an or reading like a lot us here do. You can Google AVRT and it's the one on the Rational Recovery website. I find avrt helpful. Helps me to deal w that evil fair weather friend from hades that tries to get me help it get the fix. There are people from all around the world here with the same goal as u. And just think....we could be neighbors . It not easy that's for sure but it sure is worth it. Bty I'm on day 6. U gotta start somewhere. Hope u come back!!!
. It not easy that's for sure but it sure is worth it. Bty I'm on day 6. U gotta start somewhere. Hope u come back!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Alex,
Welcome! Just me but I don't think too much about whether I'm an alcoholic or not. It's just a word. I focus mostly on creating the life I want to live. Pretty much found out that since I could never predict when I would drink myself silly I needed to decide one way or another which life I wanted.
I was a little bored at first but that's just because I was a boring person. How interesting could I be when really all my extra curricular activity was just sitting on my butt drinking. I found out pretty quick that if I wanted an interesting and exciting life I was actually going to have to do something. Literally. Get up off my butt and do something.
It gets so much better. It really does. It takes focus and action but its worth it. I have yet to have a day where I feel like I let myself down. I'm actually pretty proud of myself.
I keep it in perspective. It's just a stupid liquid that goofs everyone up if they drink too much of it. Some people don't drink too much of it and some do. I was the latter.
Just me but I will be just fine living without it.
I hope you find what you need too. You can do it.
Welcome! Just me but I don't think too much about whether I'm an alcoholic or not. It's just a word. I focus mostly on creating the life I want to live. Pretty much found out that since I could never predict when I would drink myself silly I needed to decide one way or another which life I wanted.
I was a little bored at first but that's just because I was a boring person. How interesting could I be when really all my extra curricular activity was just sitting on my butt drinking. I found out pretty quick that if I wanted an interesting and exciting life I was actually going to have to do something. Literally. Get up off my butt and do something.
It gets so much better. It really does. It takes focus and action but its worth it. I have yet to have a day where I feel like I let myself down. I'm actually pretty proud of myself.
I keep it in perspective. It's just a stupid liquid that goofs everyone up if they drink too much of it. Some people don't drink too much of it and some do. I was the latter.
Just me but I will be just fine living without it.
I hope you find what you need too. You can do it.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Welcome aboard and best wishes on your road to recovery! I hate to sound negative, but realistically, until your husband is on board with you and wants to quit too, it will be extremely difficult for you to quit and stay sober. I'm not saying it's NOT possible, just fair warning that it will be very difficult.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hi ALex
Welcome to SR
I'm 8 months sober and my husband still drinks so it is quite possible to get sober if your husband drinks. It just depends on how muchyou want it. It leads to changes in your relationship ,some better some worse but it can be done.
only getting sober because your husband gets sober and vice versa can be pretty dangerous in itself as your sobriety is dependant on another and if he slips you may feel 'allowed' to slip too. Only you can get sober for yourself and he for himself.
It may be sensible to make some changes like avoiding parties/drinking situations, at least in the first month or 2.There is no way I could have gone to a party ealry on without drinking. Now I could and do though tend to leave early as find it pretty boring being round a load of other people drinking. Not that it tempts me,just that I have other things I prefer to do. If your husband is your drinkingbuddy and you do eveyrthing together then it may throw up problems if hekeeps drinking but there is nothing you can do to control him.
It's also easy to convince ourselves that because our partners are not on board and don't want to quit then it will be impossible for us to quit.It isn't. You only quit for you and if you want it then you can do it.
If your relationship is strong it can survive, even grow stronger.
Welcome to SR
I'm 8 months sober and my husband still drinks so it is quite possible to get sober if your husband drinks. It just depends on how muchyou want it. It leads to changes in your relationship ,some better some worse but it can be done.
only getting sober because your husband gets sober and vice versa can be pretty dangerous in itself as your sobriety is dependant on another and if he slips you may feel 'allowed' to slip too. Only you can get sober for yourself and he for himself.
It may be sensible to make some changes like avoiding parties/drinking situations, at least in the first month or 2.There is no way I could have gone to a party ealry on without drinking. Now I could and do though tend to leave early as find it pretty boring being round a load of other people drinking. Not that it tempts me,just that I have other things I prefer to do. If your husband is your drinkingbuddy and you do eveyrthing together then it may throw up problems if hekeeps drinking but there is nothing you can do to control him.
It's also easy to convince ourselves that because our partners are not on board and don't want to quit then it will be impossible for us to quit.It isn't. You only quit for you and if you want it then you can do it.
If your relationship is strong it can survive, even grow stronger.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine did last year. Uncannily so. My husband and I had drunk throughout our marriage, had a couple of kids and lived a mostly happy life, but gradually things began to descend into alcoholism for us both. I reached out and gave up first. He knew he also had a problem but tried to moderate for a bit. Eventually he gave up with me and we have both been sober for over 14 months.
Not easy. Lots of adjustments to be made to our lifestyle as you can imagine as we had surrounded ourselves with like-minded people. Big changes in the way we approached problems, potential disagreements and differences in opinion. We had hidden behind alcohol for a long time and we both had some growing up to do.
Everything is so much better these days. Our weekends are no longer lost in a drunken haze. Our kids get proper parents and we get to be proper partners to each other. It really is worth it.
Best wishes to you x
Your situation sounds a lot like mine did last year. Uncannily so. My husband and I had drunk throughout our marriage, had a couple of kids and lived a mostly happy life, but gradually things began to descend into alcoholism for us both. I reached out and gave up first. He knew he also had a problem but tried to moderate for a bit. Eventually he gave up with me and we have both been sober for over 14 months.
Not easy. Lots of adjustments to be made to our lifestyle as you can imagine as we had surrounded ourselves with like-minded people. Big changes in the way we approached problems, potential disagreements and differences in opinion. We had hidden behind alcohol for a long time and we both had some growing up to do.
Everything is so much better these days. Our weekends are no longer lost in a drunken haze. Our kids get proper parents and we get to be proper partners to each other. It really is worth it.
Best wishes to you x
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