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my body says rest but i feel guilty for taking me time

Old 08-10-2013, 11:12 AM
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my body says rest but i feel guilty for taking me time

I stopped drinking Friday. Spent time with my kids yesterday. Today I'm being lazy. Even though my body is saying REST woman....I keep feeling like I should get up and do something with them. Is it ok to take this time to read and work on me? Should I feel bad? Thinking I will take them to a movie later. I have terrible mom guilt. I hold myself to unrealistic standards thinking I have to be the perfect parent all the time. Probably another reason I drank! Who can be perfect all the time! Dont want to drink just don't want to feel guilty.
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Old 08-10-2013, 11:36 AM
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Absolutely DO NOT feel guilty for taking "me" time. You owe it to yourself AND your children to do whatever it takes to heal--even if it means doing nothing. I am certain your children will not resent you for taking just one day to rest (or even two or three or four). Just being there in their presence sober is actually doing something good for them. A movie sounds good but only if you feel up to it!
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Old 08-10-2013, 11:38 AM
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Your children will see you treating yourself gently and with compassion they will do the same with themselves .

You don't have to be the perfect mum, you can inspire and show them how to live a loving, joyous and compassionate life despite the obsticles life puts in your path

Bestwishes , m
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Old 08-10-2013, 11:40 AM
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I agree with Eleni, the most important think for you right now is to stay sober, if you do that you will be worth much more to them.

You have full support to take a me day
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Old 08-10-2013, 11:43 AM
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I agree with the other posters. Your children will model your behavior. Taking care of yourself and being well-rested is part of that too. Being rested will make your attitude fresher too. Rest is good. Good job on sobriety. You are doing good.
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Old 08-10-2013, 12:01 PM
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Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician, talks about "good enough mothering." If mother tends to all the infant's needs, then the child will not learn how to successfully engage and manage the challenges of life on its own. Same goes for young children. The mythological "perfect mommy" actually does more harm than good in terms of the child's development.

Compensating in every way for being an absentee parent is a harmful remedy for both mother and child.

You need rest? Get rest. You're not a whole lot of good to anyone when you're exhausted. Your children will benefit from choosing what to do and how to do it without your being 100% present at all times. And they'll later love you for it.

Originally Posted by Bravegirl View Post
I stopped drinking Friday. Spent time with my kids yesterday. Today I'm being lazy. Even though my body is saying REST woman....I keep feeling like I should get up and do something with them. Is it ok to take this time to read and work on me? Should I feel bad? Thinking I will take them to a movie later. I have terrible mom guilt. I hold myself to unrealistic standards thinking I have to be the perfect parent all the time. Probably another reason I drank! Who can be perfect all the time! Dont want to drink just don't want to feel guilty.
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Old 08-10-2013, 12:39 PM
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I am doing that today as well. It absolutely is exactly what you need to do for yourself.
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Old 08-10-2013, 02:03 PM
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This so much. So glad I found this place.
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Old 08-10-2013, 02:29 PM
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As a mother of 4, I can say that getting sober, resting and healing were the best things I ever did for my kids. And, as young adults, they will now tell you that as well. "Perfectionism" is definitely overrated
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Old 08-10-2013, 02:38 PM
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I am bad at trying to be busy all the time.

I constantly think of jobs I could be doing and catching up on things.

I cannot sit long enough to watch a film, or read a book.

It's hard. Drinking was the the only wind down time I had.

Now I search for different things to do that is not house work or cleaning. Things like having a bath, getting into bed and reading on here. Or taking my child to the park and just sit and watch her play.

I wish you the best XXXX
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Old 08-10-2013, 03:06 PM
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I stopped on Friday as well and am also quite tired today. I slept well, remarkably, but my body is basically healing so it's sapping my energy. I finally got dressed and took a shower at about 1 pm, went out a little bit and now my husband is going to make dinner and I'm going to my 3rd AA meeting in 3 days. It's at 8:30 and as I am also tired, I'm definitely wishing it were earlier, but I'm going to still go and I am quite sure that I will feel better for going.

I love your name, by the way! Yes we are brave....just keep going. I'm realizing how worth it it really is and will become even more so! Though I'm hardly 2 days out, I do not feel justified to give advice but I am with you on the 2 days.....
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Old 08-10-2013, 05:45 PM
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DO take time to take care of yourself! I also agree that you are role-modeling for your children that it is ok to take care of yourself by napping, reading, resting, etc. Too many young people today are go go go go go all the time especially with the advances in technology. I use meditation techniques when I teach to help my students get centered. Don't feel guilty. I'm sure you have done enough of that. Do what you need to for your sobriety. Your sobriety and YOU are worth it!!
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Old 08-10-2013, 05:48 PM
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I went through the same guilt. Then I thought, if I was in rehab (where I absolutely belonged) it would be bye bye mommy for a month.

Put your oxygen mask on first.
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