OriginalGurl

I ve been in and out of aa for a little over a year. I just came back from relapsing and I have put together five days. I was hesitant on coming back this time bc I don't feel content in aa but I knew I needed help. I called a friend from the rooms this morning. We have been friends since I came in may 2012. I wanted to go over some things bc since I came back my sponsor has been giving me tough love and since I don't know how to live life on life's terms I wanted to know if my motives were valid. Bc I was in a meetin Thursday night when the meeting started at 730 & ended at 805. I said to my sponsor I wish the meeting would have went the full hour & she shhuushed me and said who cares we can go smoke a cigarette. I was really annoyed bc I just want to listen and get sober.

So I called my friend from the rooms bc I wanted to make sure I wasn't making something out of nothing. I want to get sober and I wanted to know how to approach my sponsor bc I was turned off by her reaction. I didn't want to pick up a drink but I don't handle life on life's terms I drink my problems way and I needed guidance. She told me just to tell her how I was feeling and to follow my gut. I felt great I had a plan and I was proud I was taking a suggestion instead of just running away or pushing away my sponsor.

So I'm watching law and order and I get a text from my friend from the room which she sent me in error. It reads: ____________ (my name) called and she's a mess. She's trying too hard. ________ (my name) these messages weren't for you. So I wrote back: thanks for associating me with being a mess as for trying to hard this is why I don't reach out. You don't care about me so by all means I will never ask you for your advice again. Then she wrote: I'm sorry you feel that way and I wrote: you were wrong so don't be sorry for me that I reached out to you mistaking that you were my friend.

I feel stupid for coming back. I believed that I needed this program and now I'm even more hurt. I just came back. I thought this was a we program. We were all messes at one point in time. I'm so discouraged and I'm not sure what I want.

ReadyAtLast

Hello,welcome to SR

If youwant to continue with AA can you maybe find another sponsor or even a different meeting?

Alternatively,AA is not the only recovery option.There's AVRT, SMART,WFS -there's a secular thread on here which someone will link for you

Please don't give up

lilgolden73

Welcome! Don't give up! Find a meeting/sponsor who works for you!

finaltime

I would be super devastated by this as well. However something I have realized with me attempting to get sober, is a lot of times I make the deal bigger then it really is. You don't need them if they are going to treat you like that. You can find something else. This honestly comes down to you, nobody else. Hang in there!

fifth

Hello OriginalGurl, I'm struggling with my 7th day of sobriety, i don't intend to go to AA meeting, like you I didn't feel comfortable all the time and I relapsed. I downloaded an app. on my android named RecoveryApp and each day it is full of great reading and inspiration, it updates daily, hope you have an android operating mobile or tablet.

I am no doctor or have any experience but this time I'm trying it this way.

shellbellz

Hi OriginalGirl

Welcome to SR (hug)

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.

You are making the right decision to be sober - well done on 5 days

In my opinion, don't stick with people that aren't supportive or make you feel inferior or worse than you already feel. Go out there and try different support methods, different meetings, different sponsors... etc.... but what ever you do, don't isolate yourself. I know I cannot do this on my own and I wouldn't recommend that anyone else does either.

Our lives will find new meaning and clarity one day at a time.

Im in early recovery too and I feel like I am a mess most days - and I am actually okay with that...I have been told that it is to be expected. I'm learning to ride out the bad days - the days when nothing makes sense... and it has been 100% worth it.
I'm getting closer to where I want to be.

Don't give up and don't allow others to get you down.

I have found a lot of support on the SR forums and a lot of immediate support in the SR chat room. Maybe you should give the SR chat a try.

Hugs
Shell

neferkamichael

OriginalGurl, 5 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Please find you another sponsor. Rootin or ya.

Fandy

i avoid people who belittle me and gossip.
i'm sorry you got so little for putting forth the effort.
but, you can use this and strengthen yourself.
You are NOT a "mess"...and there is no such nonsense as "trying too hard" when it comes to sobriety.....i remember feeling anxious too, it's part of the whole process especially at 5 days.
you don't need people who add to your struggle and make you uncomfortable.
congrats on your upcoming week for sobriety.

GracieLou

Congrats on five days and having the courage to come back.


Just listening does not get me or keep me sober. I have been in lead meetings that have only lasted a half hour or forty five minutes. For me it is quality not quantity. I have never been to a meeting and thought that was a waste of time. Sometimes I think I get nothing from the meeting but I am there to support others. There are many times later that I get a Ah ha moment and what I thought did not apply to me I find does later down the road.

It sounds like you do have a plan and you are willing. Hang on to that. It makes a huge difference if we are willing to learn rather than run the show. For me that was one of my biggest issues the last time I went to AA. I wanted to run things my way and all that managed to do was get in the way.

First, I love Law and Order too. That is one of my favorite shows

Second, Are you a mess? Are you trying to hard?

I am not trying to condone the gossip or talk behind your back. I hate that very thing and it would upset me a great deal but today I have to be honest with myself. I am not saying to run to these people but If I can honestly look at myself and say, "I am a mess, I need help" then so be it and get that help. There are other meetings, people and sponsors that are helpful. Do not give up on the program just because of a couple of difficult situations.

It sounds to me like you want to be sober. That is what I am hearing. You had a rough reaction, understandably so, but it was your reaction. I find today I can't control others but I can control how I react to them. I can be angry and throw a mental block up or I can take the time to slow my reactions down. Think about why I am really upset and then decide how I am going to proceed from there.

If after thought you decide that your friend and your sponsor are wrong then so be it. Find a new meeting and a new sponsor. If you find that you are a mess and maybe you are pushing a little to fast and hard then maybe give one of them a call and be open and honest about it.

Saying I needed help was the first part, accepting that help was a whole different ball of wax. I found I had to let got of my thoughts of how the program should work and opened myself for others to teach me how it does work. When I did that my life became a whole lot simpler.

Fandy

if you don't feel *content* in working AA for the last year, not getting what you need and keep struggling, maybe you want to look into other methods or programs, or if possible professional one to one counseling.....or use a combination of different methods.

for me, since i got sober, i'm happier with myself and no longer struggle with anxiety over booze, but it was not instantaneous, ( i hit 2 years in May), i mostly connect here daily and exercise, but i'm still learning to be calmer and patient....

visch1

Thanks GL. When I got to AA I was a MESS and didn't know it like so many who drink too excess. Let's remember that alcohol is NOT a health drink but it breaks down out mental and emotional behaviors, damaging our brains. Quite often we have a huge amount of fears that takes sober time to reduce, we're full of denial, want the softest easiest way to get better, defiant, controlling and on and on. The old timers were used to the newcomers BS and heaven forbid said with love to take the cotton out of the ears, put it in our mouths, listen and sit up front as the shortest way to get and STAY sober. It worked for many, others left for different make up reasons and may be out there in La La land doing it their way. No one shoe fits all however being honest with ourselves is needed with what ever shoe we decide to wear. BE WELL

OriginalGurl

Im not into the sit down and shut up. I dont need to feel.stupid. Ive been taring myself down for years i dont any help with that. Yes im a mess. Im.a single mother im going through a divorce i left my husabd for being emotional abusive and a mean drunk. I want to get sober. Yes im a mess but thats nothing new. I dont need anyone else calling me that or that i try to hard. Ive never finished anything that ive started i would love the chance to try too hard. I was hurt and disappointed because i came for help not to be ridiculed. I have six days sober im not emotionally there yet.

Lorax1981

Hi og gurl-
Keep up the good work. Your "friend" really should learn how to use her telephone. Amazing how rude some people can be. The good thing about AA is you can always try a different meeting (I would if that was how the people acted). I think it's important to stick to what it says in the big book and unfortunately some people get a little time and think they know everything (everything except for how to use a telephone:-) my humble opinion is that newcomers should have the opportunity to share the same as anyone else, and that there's no such thing as trying to hard. Allow yourself as much of whatever you need to get sober. Take care of yourself and ignore the lames.
-Ted

Eleni58

I don't think you're a mess at all! Hey, you are 6 days sober, you made the wise and brave decision to leave an abusive, drunk husband and you're reaching out and trying to do anything and everything to stay sober. KUDOS to you and HUGE HUGS!!