I'm sorry - A Poem for my Wife
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Originally Posted by manda
my god, when I first read your story, i cried. I'm in such a mess myself. I've been fighting for so long, it's not even funny. I drank tonight, but I came here,a nd now I'm waiting on the phone for someone to talk to on the aa line. wow, they just told me that no on eis available to talk. wow. but I'm here right?
anyhow, your message in that letter, it was supposed to be me to my ex husband, you are so lucky to have your wife with you still. I don't, but that letter could have been to hima nd our oldest. Man that hurts. I sometimes wish I could crawl into a corner and die. I truly do. More often than I care to share. But my youngest child keeps me from doing that. Yet she gets to be at the brunt of my alcoholic self, and I hate this. I'm not the greatest mother, I'm often sick, so we don't always get to go outside. The only thing I might be good at is having what she needs around, like milk or fruit or vegetables or meat, but that's it. I can clothe her and feed her and the basics, but the love I shared with the others? The reading at bedtime, the walks in the park and the swinging and stuff? I don't know...I sometimes read to her, I sometimes take her to the park... I'm so sick of this sickness, and I was doing so good
Your poem opened up my drunken eyes, tonight of all nights, I am expecting my mom in the morning. This morning... I am going to ask her for help, no matter how I believe she responds to me. I imagine that My ex husband will find out, but I don't care at this point, I just need help. I'll leave you with this, Thank You!!!
Manda
anyhow, your message in that letter, it was supposed to be me to my ex husband, you are so lucky to have your wife with you still. I don't, but that letter could have been to hima nd our oldest. Man that hurts. I sometimes wish I could crawl into a corner and die. I truly do. More often than I care to share. But my youngest child keeps me from doing that. Yet she gets to be at the brunt of my alcoholic self, and I hate this. I'm not the greatest mother, I'm often sick, so we don't always get to go outside. The only thing I might be good at is having what she needs around, like milk or fruit or vegetables or meat, but that's it. I can clothe her and feed her and the basics, but the love I shared with the others? The reading at bedtime, the walks in the park and the swinging and stuff? I don't know...I sometimes read to her, I sometimes take her to the park... I'm so sick of this sickness, and I was doing so good
Your poem opened up my drunken eyes, tonight of all nights, I am expecting my mom in the morning. This morning... I am going to ask her for help, no matter how I believe she responds to me. I imagine that My ex husband will find out, but I don't care at this point, I just need help. I'll leave you with this, Thank You!!!
Manda
You are in the right place my Love.
That poem was when I wish I could die. I am seeing a psychiatrist and going to AA. They gave me lithium and now I feel better. Not perfect, but better.
You CAN and will beat this IF you want to. You CAN and will be a good Mother. Yesterday I took my 10 yr old fishing. We didn't catch anything but he was so very happy. Don't Quit giving up the booze.
It doesn't take a whole lot of anything to be a good mother. Just Love. I am sure you have that, now you have to learn to love yourself.
Booze is poison to us. Don't look back, and don't look into the future.
Live today...One Day at a time, OK?
Tell your Mom...Get the help you need. You are worth it.
You can write to me anytime. Send a private message or post here.
Here is another part of the web site with a bunch of great people.
People just like you and me.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...6&goto=newpost. The thread is called "Don't Quit"
PLEASE keep coming back. OK? I am glad my poem opened your eyes.
Keep them open and learn.
Love
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
((((Joe)))) so so good to see you're feeling a bit better. I think that's great you and your son went fishing, even if you didn't catch any it's the outting that counts, bonding, hug him extra hard Joe. Love you my friend, extra hugs and prayers.
(((Manda))) welcome to sober recovery....pretty awesome bunch here...wishing you the best on your recovery, and happy you're looking for help, lots here will reach out to you.
Hugs.....Denise
(((Manda))) welcome to sober recovery....pretty awesome bunch here...wishing you the best on your recovery, and happy you're looking for help, lots here will reach out to you.
Hugs.....Denise
Sweet Sounds of Heaven
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Point Blue, Louisiana
Posts: 1,144
(((Joe))) Your post put a big old smile on my face. You sound so much better Joe. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. Take care and stay busy. Love you Joe.
(((Manda))) Welcome to SR. Keep posting miracles happen here everyday. I wish you the best of luck Manda.
(((Manda))) Welcome to SR. Keep posting miracles happen here everyday. I wish you the best of luck Manda.
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Hi Janet!
Originally Posted by True Blue
(((Joe))) Your post put a big old smile on my face. You sound so much better Joe. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. Take care and stay busy. Love you Joe.
(((Manda))) Welcome to SR. Keep posting miracles happen here everyday. I wish you the best of luck Manda.
(((Manda))) Welcome to SR. Keep posting miracles happen here everyday. I wish you the best of luck Manda.
I renewed my interests in the things I used to do, especially being with my son more.
Today we are going to cook out despite the "cool" damp weather.
Thanks for all you have done...all your prayers and Love.
Right back at ya!
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
I have an idea for ya
Blues,
This is just a kinda wild and crazy thought but you must have amassed talent and skills throughout your career that are valuable. You obviously have computer skills so there is a thought in itself. I found myself as a single father of my two children a few years ago and being computer, engineering and graphically talented, I started a home business. It only takes about 50 bucks and some legwork and phone calls. Many companies "outsource" these days so the work is there if you look for it. Just a thought to help you out.
Hang in There,
Roy
This is just a kinda wild and crazy thought but you must have amassed talent and skills throughout your career that are valuable. You obviously have computer skills so there is a thought in itself. I found myself as a single father of my two children a few years ago and being computer, engineering and graphically talented, I started a home business. It only takes about 50 bucks and some legwork and phone calls. Many companies "outsource" these days so the work is there if you look for it. Just a thought to help you out.
Hang in There,
Roy
PACKER FAN
Join Date: May 2004
Location: DAGGETT MI
Posts: 14
WOW JOE,
THAT WAS/IS TERRIFIC, Im a newcomer. Having a hard time.IVE put my family through alot too. hang in there. we have to try harder.
DIANA
:rose
THAT WAS/IS TERRIFIC, Im a newcomer. Having a hard time.IVE put my family through alot too. hang in there. we have to try harder.
DIANA
:rose
Last edited by DIANA3; 06-01-2004 at 07:15 PM. Reason: I FORGOT SOMETHING
King of the Blues
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Thanks Roy
Originally Posted by tryinagain
Blues,
This is just a kinda wild and crazy thought but you must have amassed talent and skills throughout your career that are valuable. You obviously have computer skills so there is a thought in itself. I found myself as a single father of my two children a few years ago and being computer, engineering and graphically talented, I started a home business. It only takes about 50 bucks and some legwork and phone calls. Many companies "outsource" these days so the work is there if you look for it. Just a thought to help you out.
Hang in There,
Roy
This is just a kinda wild and crazy thought but you must have amassed talent and skills throughout your career that are valuable. You obviously have computer skills so there is a thought in itself. I found myself as a single father of my two children a few years ago and being computer, engineering and graphically talented, I started a home business. It only takes about 50 bucks and some legwork and phone calls. Many companies "outsource" these days so the work is there if you look for it. Just a thought to help you out.
Hang in There,
Roy
Roy,
What sort of work do you do from home?
My talents are limited because in all my previous employment, the employers only trained me for their specific needs.
I wouldn't even know where to begin to start working from home.
If I work for someone else, they would have to be willing to train this 52 year old guy, and that is something companies are not willing to do...at least I think. I keep trying.
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
Yo BluesMan
Is that hope I hear in your voice there??? That is a beautiful thing. I have owned three home businesses and based them on my own talents. One programmed and fixed computers. Second Mechanical Design Engineering and lastly 3D graphics. You would have to do a self assessment for your skills and match them against the available market but tell me what they are and I will do what I can to help you out. You can do most of the startup paperwork yourself and I can tell you where to find it and who to contact and about how much it will cost. I did each one of them for less than $200 startup. The first one I got done for $50. All it takes is a desire. With a customer service background that you spoke of, I would suggest maybe outsource medical billing. Most medical companies and doctors outsource transcription and billing and I know quite a few people doing very well with that. Heck, during a slow year I made my living by buying things at garage sales and flea markets and selling them on Ebay. It can be done man, just dont give up. I will pm my email addy to you so that I will respond quicker and we can talk about this. Keep your head up, its going to be ok and things really do get better!!
Love Ya Man,
Roy
Love Ya Man,
Roy
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
joe, i have been so busy and all wrapped up in the drama of my own life. i have not really taken the time to read your post util just now. it is 12:09 am miami time. cant sleep so i am spending some quality time reading threads i hadnt really paid much attention to. plus todays DQgang thread got me concerened about you.
as far as the psych meds and all that go i am at a loss. medicine is still in the stone ages in my opinion. we think we are so advanced but you are living proof that it is hit or miss. i am really at a loss as far medical advice goes. i am in the get another M.D's opinion. from what i have gathered your doc is not listening to you clearly. can you ask your doc how much time does it take for these meds to work. if they arnt working within that time frame then they need to take another guess. it seems to me that you have tried alot of different meds and none of them have been helping. i am feeling frustrated now for you. i wish i could be of more help. the only help i can be is that you are in my thoughts. hang in there and dont quit it is bound to get better.
as far as the psych meds and all that go i am at a loss. medicine is still in the stone ages in my opinion. we think we are so advanced but you are living proof that it is hit or miss. i am really at a loss as far medical advice goes. i am in the get another M.D's opinion. from what i have gathered your doc is not listening to you clearly. can you ask your doc how much time does it take for these meds to work. if they arnt working within that time frame then they need to take another guess. it seems to me that you have tried alot of different meds and none of them have been helping. i am feeling frustrated now for you. i wish i could be of more help. the only help i can be is that you are in my thoughts. hang in there and dont quit it is bound to get better.
King of the Blues
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Thanks Roy and kck.
Roy,
I truly don't know what I can do from home as sick as I feel. First I need to get off these meds, then I much rather work for somebody with a retirement plan and vacation and stuff. Working from home is OK, but I need something to get out of the house.
kck, Thanks for your input...It is great to know ya'll care so much. Things will be OK, I am sure. In time.
P.S. I do the ebay thing, but I have run out of items to sell
Roy,
I truly don't know what I can do from home as sick as I feel. First I need to get off these meds, then I much rather work for somebody with a retirement plan and vacation and stuff. Working from home is OK, but I need something to get out of the house.
kck, Thanks for your input...It is great to know ya'll care so much. Things will be OK, I am sure. In time.
P.S. I do the ebay thing, but I have run out of items to sell
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
joe, can you talk to your doc about getting of the meds. from what i have been getting from you is that thay are making you worse and not better. i am not sure about this but i would definatly get your docs OK first. you have a major crises going now with not working and selling your stuff on e-bay.
what a lot of stess but you will get through this. when you get into the panik mode if you cant do any thing else just still yourself and breathe. it may not help much but you will be taking a positive life supporting neutrient. your body is going to need all of that 02.
you have alot of friends here at SR and you have been reaching out and they have been great. we are all battleing are various addictions together. joe i believe you will get to the other side of this in spite of whatever material posesesions that you have to let go of. good luck joe and dont quit.
what a lot of stess but you will get through this. when you get into the panik mode if you cant do any thing else just still yourself and breathe. it may not help much but you will be taking a positive life supporting neutrient. your body is going to need all of that 02.
you have alot of friends here at SR and you have been reaching out and they have been great. we are all battleing are various addictions together. joe i believe you will get to the other side of this in spite of whatever material posesesions that you have to let go of. good luck joe and dont quit.
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Originally Posted by kckman
joe, can you talk to your doc about getting of the meds. from what i have been getting from you is that thay are making you worse and not better. i am not sure about this but i would definatly get your docs OK first. you have a major crises going now with not working and selling your stuff on e-bay.
what a lot of stess but you will get through this. when you get into the panik mode if you cant do any thing else just still yourself and breathe. it may not help much but you will be taking a positive life supporting neutrient. your body is going to need all of that 02.
you have alot of friends here at SR and you have been reaching out and they have been great. we are all battleing are various addictions together. joe i believe you will get to the other side of this in spite of whatever material posesesions that you have to let go of. good luck joe and dont quit.
what a lot of stess but you will get through this. when you get into the panik mode if you cant do any thing else just still yourself and breathe. it may not help much but you will be taking a positive life supporting neutrient. your body is going to need all of that 02.
you have alot of friends here at SR and you have been reaching out and they have been great. we are all battleing are various addictions together. joe i believe you will get to the other side of this in spite of whatever material posesesions that you have to let go of. good luck joe and dont quit.
I think it is more the klonopin than lithium. I wake up with damn hangovers from klonopin. It's a benzo....I shouldn't be on anything addictive like that!
I really don't think I need meds at all. Remember, I drank for 37 years of my life. Withdrawal is gonna take a LONG time....
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
Omg
When I said ebay I meant it as a side thing for a little extra cash and something to keep you busy, not selling YOUR stuff. I would buy rare items at garage sales and flea markets, clean them up and then make a really nice post. It helped us to make ends meet for awhile and kept me busy when I was out of a job. Next thing you know, I felt better and found the work I was looking for. Dont sell your stuff on there man...I was just giving you an example of what I did when I was in your shoes.
(((joe)))
Roy
(((joe)))
Roy
King of the Blues
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Originally Posted by tryinagain
When I said ebay I meant it as a side thing for a little extra cash and something to keep you busy, not selling YOUR stuff. I would buy rare items at garage sales and flea markets, clean them up and then make a really nice post. It helped us to make ends meet for awhile and kept me busy when I was out of a job. Next thing you know, I felt better and found the work I was looking for. Dont sell your stuff on there man...I was just giving you an example of what I did when I was in your shoes.
(((joe)))
Roy
(((joe)))
Roy
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Good God Men,
Im starting to loose it here. I saw Ebay and thought you all were going to start selling your meds on EBAY LOL, I cant stop laughing, Sorry. I know we are all hurting here it's just the mental picture of Lithium,prozac,Xanax,Klonapin and other mind altering drugs here at a discount on EBAY. Oh my God,why is that so funny to me!!??
Oh wait, How much we talkin about!
CRS
Im starting to loose it here. I saw Ebay and thought you all were going to start selling your meds on EBAY LOL, I cant stop laughing, Sorry. I know we are all hurting here it's just the mental picture of Lithium,prozac,Xanax,Klonapin and other mind altering drugs here at a discount on EBAY. Oh my God,why is that so funny to me!!??
Oh wait, How much we talkin about!
CRS
Last edited by CRS3; 06-03-2004 at 02:55 PM. Reason: oops
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Originally Posted by CRS3
Good God Men,
Im starting to loose it here. I saw Ebay and thought you all were going to start selling your meds on EBAY LOL, I cant stop laughing, Sorry. I know we are all hurting here it's just the mental picture of Lithium,prozac,Xanax,Klonapin and other mind altering drugs here at a discount on EBAY. Oh my God,why is that so funny to me!!??
Oh wait, How much we talkin about!
CRS
Im starting to loose it here. I saw Ebay and thought you all were going to start selling your meds on EBAY LOL, I cant stop laughing, Sorry. I know we are all hurting here it's just the mental picture of Lithium,prozac,Xanax,Klonapin and other mind altering drugs here at a discount on EBAY. Oh my God,why is that so funny to me!!??
Oh wait, How much we talkin about!
CRS
Hey man...You gave me a great idea
Think it'll work?
NOT!!!!!!
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
Rofl!!
Originally Posted by CRS3
Good God Men, :squintfin Im starting to loose it here. I saw Ebay and thought you all were going to start selling your meds on EBAY LOL, I cant stop laughing, Sorry. I know we are all hurting here it's just the mental picture of Lithium,prozac,Xanax,Klonapin and other mind altering drugs here at a discount on EBAY. Oh my God,why is that so funny to me!!??
Oh wait, How much we talkin about!
CRS
Oh wait, How much we talkin about!
CRS
OMFG....Thanks, I needed that. Type more when I stop laughing long enough...I really needed that...oh crap, here we go again......
BBWWWAAAAhahahahahahaha
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
You are bidding on
Originally Posted by tryinagain
OMFG....Thanks, I needed that. Type more when I stop laughing long enough...I really needed that...oh crap, here we go again......
BBWWWAAAAhahahahahahaha
Man, I can't stop cracking up!
You are bidding on a MINT condition automatic pill counter. What makes this unique is it's antique brass finish, and that fact that it is filled with a years supply of Valium!
Good luck, start your bidding.
Paypal only PLEASE!~
I am so happy about this that I'll even pay the shipping!
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