I'm sorry - A Poem for my Wife
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Hi Janet....
It's all getting worse....I don't know what the heck is going on. I left a voicemail at my docs office but he is in seminar.
My son is due homw at 2:45 and I don't know if I can face him.
I can't stop the tears.
It's all getting worse....I don't know what the heck is going on. I left a voicemail at my docs office but he is in seminar.
My son is due homw at 2:45 and I don't know if I can face him.
I can't stop the tears.
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Joe,
There are not many comments these days that disturb me that I have not already made myself. I would consider going to see your Dr today and tell him what you are going through.
If you care about your family,you have to care about yourself. And do what ever is possible to hang on. Ive been on so many cliff hangers lately just when you think you are going to fall,if you let yourself,a life line comes down to haul you up. And sometimes we have to create our own life lines.
You do yard work,I pick off stray cats with a stun gun(kidding).
Hang in there Joe.If it makes you feel any better I just about lost it an hour and decided to throw in the towel. Yep, was going to go get a hotel room a bottle and say adios. Had to realize where Ive been and create my own life line. Thats the loneliest. You have what it takes. Your here arent you!!!!!
Can you get in to see your doc.
Still praying for you.
---J
There are not many comments these days that disturb me that I have not already made myself. I would consider going to see your Dr today and tell him what you are going through.
If you care about your family,you have to care about yourself. And do what ever is possible to hang on. Ive been on so many cliff hangers lately just when you think you are going to fall,if you let yourself,a life line comes down to haul you up. And sometimes we have to create our own life lines.
You do yard work,I pick off stray cats with a stun gun(kidding).
Hang in there Joe.If it makes you feel any better I just about lost it an hour and decided to throw in the towel. Yep, was going to go get a hotel room a bottle and say adios. Had to realize where Ive been and create my own life line. Thats the loneliest. You have what it takes. Your here arent you!!!!!
Can you get in to see your doc.
Still praying for you.
---J
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Joe,
Doc in seminar? Any other Dr you can see? ER? If not, find the life line. it's there.
If it's not.Make it be there. I gotta go work. Im thinking and praying for you
constantly right now
--J
Doc in seminar? Any other Dr you can see? ER? If not, find the life line. it's there.
If it's not.Make it be there. I gotta go work. Im thinking and praying for you
constantly right now
--J
Paused
Join Date: May 2004
Location: elkton,tn
Posts: 2
hi joe
I know how you feel. I am feeling the same way right now. Two days clean just doesn't make me feel that good. I don't want to use but I don't want this pain and sadness. I am in a place where I can have anything I want if I stay clean and it's just so hard. I go to meetings every night trying to get what the happy people have but I don't know if I have the patience to wait on it.
I know how you feel. I am feeling the same way right now. Two days clean just doesn't make me feel that good. I don't want to use but I don't want this pain and sadness. I am in a place where I can have anything I want if I stay clean and it's just so hard. I go to meetings every night trying to get what the happy people have but I don't know if I have the patience to wait on it.
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
(((Joe))) God will help you if you let Him. Have you meditated, said the serenity prayer, the our father ( if you believe in that). I was told that every problem we have in life, there is an answer to in the BB. I know alcohol is not the main problem in your life. Keep doing what the Doctors say and keep calling them.
I feel like you have to do your own part in recovery. Not just waiting on the magical med to work. (You know that I am on meds too) Not just in not drinking, but becoming the person you want to be.
Here's something from the BB pg. 64
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we staighten out mentally and physically.
Here's another one that makes me feel better. BB pg. 63
"God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always."
These quotes are for step 3 and step 4, however I feel that there is a message in there that you can benefit from.
Love you Joe,
Chelle
I feel like you have to do your own part in recovery. Not just waiting on the magical med to work. (You know that I am on meds too) Not just in not drinking, but becoming the person you want to be.
Here's something from the BB pg. 64
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we staighten out mentally and physically.
Here's another one that makes me feel better. BB pg. 63
"God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always."
These quotes are for step 3 and step 4, however I feel that there is a message in there that you can benefit from.
Love you Joe,
Chelle
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
hi chelle,
thanks for posting....
i can't comprehend anything right now. my body feels lifeless. my son is worried.
i am going to try the oncall doc...
this is something out of my control...nothing the big book can with, not now anyway.
thanks for posting....
i can't comprehend anything right now. my body feels lifeless. my son is worried.
i am going to try the oncall doc...
this is something out of my control...nothing the big book can with, not now anyway.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
B-man is this something you can handle? Can you try and do normal things with your son until your wife gets home? Like fix him a snack,help with homework,play catch... As J pointed out,you might want to call a hotline if it's too much. I know for me that there is always someone on call at my shrink a dink's office and during my worst freak outs, they have talked me through my ordeal. Your doing great,but this is kind of way too much for a recovery board to handle unless a mod would like to step in now that would be great 
lay people are not trained to handle situations in a drastic out pour such as you have been doing. Your not doing anything wrong,it's just that we feel your pain and it's kind of scarry. Keep posting if you need to,but please call a hot line if it's a minute by minute thing. Do it for yourself and do it for your son...
lay people are not trained to handle situations in a drastic out pour such as you have been doing. Your not doing anything wrong,it's just that we feel your pain and it's kind of scarry. Keep posting if you need to,but please call a hot line if it's a minute by minute thing. Do it for yourself and do it for your son...
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Joe,
I know this will not really help but.... The thing I hate most is the roller coaster emotional ups and downs we go through. I would(still do) go from hopless to hopefull from despair to joy(not that much joy) FRom thinking I could make a difference to thinking I was useless to myself and those around me. All within a few minute period all these emotions would come out.
But the first week(hell even now) the lonely,emtpy hopless feeling was(is) the worst. During those times we have to muster all the stregnth we have just to keep it together. Your son loves you unconditionally. And he needs you. He doesnt necessarily need you to be strong all the time. But he NEEDS you. If there is any reason worth going through this hell for,thats it. There are many more reasons but thats one of the ones I held onto the most.
Im learning it's different for everybody. Some need meds some dont. Some need this,some need that. But we all need. We just have to be willing to receive. When all seems lost,when I feel no one loves me or supports me
I say to myself " I am a beloved child of God" He loves you even if you dont feel it. Call it God Call it higher power,call it whatever you want. But the laws of the heart tell us we matter.
I care. I love you. And so do others.
You can get through this. We can get through this. Im in the same boat sometimes. I'll need ya there to repeat this to me Im sure some time in the future.
Did you get a hold of the on call?
----J
I know this will not really help but.... The thing I hate most is the roller coaster emotional ups and downs we go through. I would(still do) go from hopless to hopefull from despair to joy(not that much joy) FRom thinking I could make a difference to thinking I was useless to myself and those around me. All within a few minute period all these emotions would come out.
But the first week(hell even now) the lonely,emtpy hopless feeling was(is) the worst. During those times we have to muster all the stregnth we have just to keep it together. Your son loves you unconditionally. And he needs you. He doesnt necessarily need you to be strong all the time. But he NEEDS you. If there is any reason worth going through this hell for,thats it. There are many more reasons but thats one of the ones I held onto the most.
Im learning it's different for everybody. Some need meds some dont. Some need this,some need that. But we all need. We just have to be willing to receive. When all seems lost,when I feel no one loves me or supports me
I say to myself " I am a beloved child of God" He loves you even if you dont feel it. Call it God Call it higher power,call it whatever you want. But the laws of the heart tell us we matter.
I care. I love you. And so do others.
You can get through this. We can get through this. Im in the same boat sometimes. I'll need ya there to repeat this to me Im sure some time in the future.
Did you get a hold of the on call?
----J
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
To all,
I did get a hold of the oncall shrinko, and he wants me to double the lithium from 150 to 300 mg's. Without even a blood test???? He said 150 is like taking nothing...
I don't know....i am not a doc.
I am more confused than ever.
I did get a hold of the oncall shrinko, and he wants me to double the lithium from 150 to 300 mg's. Without even a blood test???? He said 150 is like taking nothing...
I don't know....i am not a doc.
I am more confused than ever.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
B-man, You contacted a professional and they told you what to do (for now). Please take suggestions of you own doctors who have had probibly years of exsperiance and know your case. If you are not happy with the out come,then seek a new doctor,but in the mean time do as your told by your own doctors. Again, none of us here can give you any advice on medication,just our own stories,nor can we give you medical advice. We are just all on the same ocean floating on different things. I know for me to stop my own confusion, I had to listion to at least one person and trust them just for the time I needed to. I pay my doctors,so I dam well better work with them and them me. You got a call back and you got a suggestion, use it just for today.
King of the Blues
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on Top of the World
Posts: 1,125
Hey Zoomer - and Dan!
I am serious. They have been playing mind games with me for a year and a half.
Try this, try that! NEVER do they tell me what to expect. All they keep pushing for is shock therapy and that they can stick you know where.
Well, I just took the 2nd lithium.
We'll see!
I am serious. They have been playing mind games with me for a year and a half.
Try this, try that! NEVER do they tell me what to expect. All they keep pushing for is shock therapy and that they can stick you know where.
Well, I just took the 2nd lithium.
We'll see!
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Good deal B-man! wow when i was in the hospital I saw a few people go for "the shock treatment" Scard me!!! They were looking forward to it though because they tried everything. I guess some people it works for. I kept this one lady company all night long before her shock treatment, she was scard out of her wits. We walked the halls singing "follow the yellow brick road and off to see the wizard" Too funny... The nursing staff was getting pissed because we were waking other people. I did't mind though keeping her company... It kept me from going in my room. My room mate kept standing over me while I was sleeping and it would freak me out LOL. I had to go into the hospital because I had post partum real bad. Anyway, now that I'm off my memory lane trip, I guess what I'm trying to say is that shock treatment did help that woman,so you never know?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
