"If you want to know why you drink, stop drinking."
Faith and reason
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
"If you want to know why you drink, stop drinking."
"If you want to know why you drink, stop drinking." I've heard that quite a few times in recovery circles and now, at 33 days sober, I'm really starting to realise what that means. Since I've stopped drinking this time round I've been reminded that I started drinking because:
*I think I'm ugly - sometimes I can't bring myself to look in the mirror and hate catching my reflection in a window when I'm out.
*I hate my body - even when I'm not overweight, there are things I hate about my body linked to when I was sexually abused as a kid.
*I'm really socially awkward and chronically shy around people. When I was a child, people used to ask my mum if I was autistic.
*Because of my social awkwardness, I'm constantly worrying if people think I'm weird.
*I act even weirder around guys I like or am intimidated by. As in I can't even look them in the eye. I think I might have PTSD from when I was sexually abused or something.
*Because of the above, I'm constantly worrying that guys think I'm rude.
*I've suffered on and off from suicidal depression since I was 13 (I'm not suicidal at the moment, don't worry!).
*Because of all of the above, I seem to spend most of my life stressed out. I wish my head would just give itself a day off or something.
It's like, ok brain, I get the picture already. I now know why I drank so can you stop going into overdrive now?
But you know what the good news is? I'm sober! I wouldn't trade that for anything. I don't want to drink today and I'm not going to. The good thing about being sober is that no matter what a mess you are as a human being, just the fact that you're not drinking means that you're able to work on yourself. I can work on these issues in a way I never could when I was drinking.
I'm just beginning to work on them by restarting the 12 steps of AA (I was only on step 2 when I started drinking again this last time) but there are also many other ways for people to work through stuff like this. The most important thing for working through this stuff, if you're an alcoholic or addict, is to be sober and clean. I know I sound like a whiny little witch but I really am so grateful that I'm at least sober.
*I think I'm ugly - sometimes I can't bring myself to look in the mirror and hate catching my reflection in a window when I'm out.
*I hate my body - even when I'm not overweight, there are things I hate about my body linked to when I was sexually abused as a kid.
*I'm really socially awkward and chronically shy around people. When I was a child, people used to ask my mum if I was autistic.
*Because of my social awkwardness, I'm constantly worrying if people think I'm weird.
*I act even weirder around guys I like or am intimidated by. As in I can't even look them in the eye. I think I might have PTSD from when I was sexually abused or something.
*Because of the above, I'm constantly worrying that guys think I'm rude.
*I've suffered on and off from suicidal depression since I was 13 (I'm not suicidal at the moment, don't worry!).
*Because of all of the above, I seem to spend most of my life stressed out. I wish my head would just give itself a day off or something.
It's like, ok brain, I get the picture already. I now know why I drank so can you stop going into overdrive now?
But you know what the good news is? I'm sober! I wouldn't trade that for anything. I don't want to drink today and I'm not going to. The good thing about being sober is that no matter what a mess you are as a human being, just the fact that you're not drinking means that you're able to work on yourself. I can work on these issues in a way I never could when I was drinking.
I'm just beginning to work on them by restarting the 12 steps of AA (I was only on step 2 when I started drinking again this last time) but there are also many other ways for people to work through stuff like this. The most important thing for working through this stuff, if you're an alcoholic or addict, is to be sober and clean. I know I sound like a whiny little witch but I really am so grateful that I'm at least sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
I'm glad you are staying sober and getting to the root causes of your drinking. Remember that you can overcome these things - it takes time but I am in the same group as far as having some past sexual trauma to deal with and it has gotten much better the longer I've been sober. I hope you feel beautiful again! You are NOT ugly! You are a survivor. Look at your body and see how strong you are. You've been through a lot and you made it out alive. This is the only body you have, so I remind myself of that fact when I get down on my physical self and I try to practice caring for me by exercising and eating well. It helps too! Hang in there! Good job on staying sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Great post.
Sobriety sure is a catalyst to self discovery and change.
I love that about sobriety. Don't drink and you will eventually have to make healthy changes is what I tell myself. And sooner or later, I do.
Cool stuff. Thanks.
Sobriety sure is a catalyst to self discovery and change.
I love that about sobriety. Don't drink and you will eventually have to make healthy changes is what I tell myself. And sooner or later, I do.
Cool stuff. Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Great post Louise
I've been chided more than once recently for saying the solution is stop drinking' - but it really is.
I never suggest it's easy - but it is the first and most fundamental part of the journey.
To start to untie the huge 40 year Gordian knot of issues problems fears and whatever else that kept me drinking, took a lot of focus and concentration and dexterity.
It took a certain positive perspective and a hopeful outlook too.
It's not a job I could have successfully managed while drinking.
D
I've been chided more than once recently for saying the solution is stop drinking' - but it really is.
I never suggest it's easy - but it is the first and most fundamental part of the journey.
To start to untie the huge 40 year Gordian knot of issues problems fears and whatever else that kept me drinking, took a lot of focus and concentration and dexterity.
It took a certain positive perspective and a hopeful outlook too.
It's not a job I could have successfully managed while drinking.
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
