So this is what it came to...
 

An ashtray full of butts, a 1/2 empty bottle of crappy wine and anxiety. It's a beautiful summer day, but I can't go out because I'm too messed up from a relapse.:a108: I had a week of amazing, productive sobriety and ruined it with THAT FIRST DRINK. So, so tired of this. I want out of the addiction, but don't know if it is possible. Anyone else ever felt this way??

It IS possible! Don't beat yourself up because you slipped! Just climb back on the horse and start riding on the trail of sobriety. Easier said than done, I know! Hopefully, you have a live network of support and aren't just relying on posting on here to help you stay sober. Have you tried or considered AA or some other support group?

Hello and welcome breakfasttv ,

All bets were off once i had my first drink .. sometimes it was ok and that was it , othertimes 3 days dissapeared in a drunken blackout ..

For me i tried to control it for years and never could .. i gave up trying to control it on the 3rd sept 2011 .

Certainly you can get sober and be happy , lot's of proof on this site :) pull up a chair , have a read and join in , ask and post ,

Bestwishes, m

Welcome to SR. You had a week of sobriety which you say was amazing and productive. You can have the same again and build on it this time. I think you know went wrong as you pointed out “that first drink” led you to now feel anxious and miserable. As the saying goes...if you don't pick up the first drink you cant get drunk.

Whatever you were doing that was working to keep you sober during that week i would continue to do it again and add in extra support and maybe a plan to keep you on track this time. If i were you i would also look at the circumstances surrounding this slip. Did something trigger you and make you want to drink?.

If you know what triggered you and why you picked up a drink you will hopefully be able to avoid this happening again. It is possible to be free of this addiction if you work at your recovery. There are plenty of great examples of people who have beaten it on here. You will find lots of great support and advice here. I hope you feel better, wishing you the best.

I go to AA fairly regularly (emphasis on 'fairly'), but not enough. I get a lot out of the meetings. There are plenty of women just like me! However, left to my own devices I generally hit the crappy wine store. It is complicated. I have a commitment to a meeting tonight, but will likely cancel b/c I will smell like booze. The lies, the hiding, all that stuff. It is NOT worth it but I am addicted and scared of the consequences of withdrawing...again

Welcome BF. I can identify like others here and at meetings. Remember we understand. I fortunately heard what I needed to hear at a meeting I didn't want to go to and it was "If we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN!" Fortunately I heard that because they said KEEP COMING. I did and years later still enjoy being comfortable in my own skin most of the time. BE WELL

If you are concerned about the consequences of withdrawls again maybe you should consider talking to your doctor. A doctor will be able to provide you with the neccessary advice and care to ensure that you are safe. If you have a commitment to go to a meeting tonight you may want to consider still going. The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. People still attend if they are / have been drinking. Today could be the starting point of a great new sober life.

Welcome to SR! It is possible, and just about all of us have felt that way. They lying, the hiding, the hangovers, the shame, etc..it's all just part of the addiction.

You can get out of it, and you will get out of it if you truly decide that's what you want. If AA works for you when you go, then go more often. If it doesn't work find another method completely or perhaps supplement with something else like SR or AVRT, etc.

This can be your last time feeling this way if you truly want it to, and we can help. Or you can continue the drink/rinse/repeat cycle. It's important to remember that you, and ONLY you can choose one or the other, and each choice is 100% obtainable - you simply have to decide what you want and commit to that choice.

I can relate to what you are going through. I have been there. One day at a time. Are you reaching out to others? AA? This Forum has helped me to remain sober for 5 months now. You can do this. DO not give up.

It's like groundhog day... drink, sleep, wake up with anxiety and shakes, drink to get rid of them. And then the madness begins again!!

RT hayley86
My good friend from high school is also in AA, and we go to meetings together. She is 5 yrs sober, and very supportive. But she thinks I'm sober again. I don't want to let her down :( I said to everyone I know the other week 'this is it, I'm done' but i FAILED

The difference is you hold the key to make today a sober day. Withdrawals are tough, yes. Detox suck, yes.

But unlike groundhog day, you can make a choice today to end it all forever, whenever you want.

Do you think your friend would be more let down if you continue to cover it up and lie to avoid meetings, or just be honest and tell her you need help? Part of getting sober is being honest, and be assured that just about everyone here has slippped up many, many times in our quest for eventual sobriety.

My friend got sober in rehab and never picked up again. Yes, there are many ppl I talk to at meetings that have slipped up. But I have slipped up quite a few times. My AA sponsor dropped me because of this. Although she told me she relapsed many times. I am in a huge quandary here. Does AA accept EVERYONE or are they choosy. Or am I going to the wrong meetings? I am from a very respectable family in a wealthy town. I guess I should go somewhere that makes me invisible.

to add to the previous post: I will lose my license in 10 days for a DUI. So going to out of town meetings isn't really plausible. What a mess.

QUOTE=breakfasttv;4114146]RT hayley86
My good friend from high school is also in AA, and we go to meetings together. She is 5 yrs sober, and very supportive. But she thinks I'm sober again. I don't want to let her down :( I said to everyone I know the other week 'this is it, I'm done' but i FAILED[/QUOTE]

You have not failed at all. You have slipped up, it happens. Sometimes it takes people many attempts before they get it right and it sticks. The only way you would have failed is by not getting back up and trying again to get sober. You are here posting, reaching out and asking for help which is a great step forward.

I don't believe it is healthy or beneficial to compare ourselves to others. With regards to letting your friend down the only person you have anything to prove to is yourself, so i would not worry about letting others down. Concentrate on moving forward, getting sober and being well. You say your friend is very supportive which is great maybe if you are honest with her it will help your recovery even more. Honesty is so important in recovery. Best of luck.

I guess what it boils down to is whether you want to get sober or not. If you do, then you should try and find an AA meeting that works for you and not worry about comparing yourself to others. Or try a different recovery method that works better for you than AA. Just about everyone relapses, most do multiple times. What's important if you want to get sober is not to worry about how many times you've relapsed, but how you can avoid relapsing again.

welcome breakfasttv :)

this recovery thing is not really a one time pass fail thing.

Sometimes we have to do this a few times until we discern for ourselves all the things we need to make this a lasting change.

for some of us it's making more changes in opur lives, for others it's finding more support...

for me, it was both.

Think about what you can add to what you've been doing so far :)

D

Thank you all for your supportive messages. I truly felt a failure when I picked up again this time. I am still 'functioning' with work and all that but the rest of my life has fallen apart. Thanks for the kind words and support and shared experience. It means alot.