Nuudawn

Horsesh*t. I'm sorry but I'm choosing to stand in Mangoes' boat. You have kids..why are you choosing to babysit and identify as the great saviour for another? The fact that you are willingly enduring the experience you are detailing points to a desperate need for your own recovery. Are you the child of an alcoholic yourself? Are there any children of alcoholic's here in the SR house who can chime in about what it was like growing up in a home where daddy was a drinker and mommy was consumed with caring for him? I grew up with a compulsive gambler for a father..and a mother who cleaned up all his messes. It was no picnic.

I am an alcoholic. Nobody could fix me..but me.

shayda951

I had a great childhood. No alcoholism in my family. I wanted to "save" him because I loved him. I thought I could because I am a strong person. I couldn't because I didn't know enough about the disease. This is my first experience with this. I thought because I am strong and rational that he could be, too. He has never been drunk in front of the kids. He drinks late at night at his house (mainly) or after the kids are in bed. If he would ever have been drunk in front of the kids, things would have ended immediately. He was a nightly binge drinker, not an all-day drinker. He is actually "normal" and loving and happy before the binge. So I guess, at the time, I didn't see imminent danger to the kids. But I realize now that eventually his drinking will affect them one way or another. Whether it be from his death, his leaving, or my stress and emotions taking over when I'm interacting with them.

honeypig

Shayda, I'd like to encourage you to follow thru on your plan to go to Alanon. It's important to have "real world" support in addition to this forum, at least in my opinion.

I will just briefly add that you mention that you have come up against some lying from your A recently. I would be very, very surprised if that was the only lying going on. It is more likely only the very tip of the iceberg, and once you really start taking a hard look at your life/relationship w/him, you will find so much more that you've been lied to about, or at the very least, that you just never saw b/c you would never have any reason to even imagine such things. Just remember it's not about you, it's about him protecting his addiction; try not to take it personally.

As others have said, he seems to show no interest in getting sober, and until he wants that, it will not happen. I believe that your best bet is to educate yourself about alcoholism, get support for yourself, and get ready to move on to a new life w/o him.

I'd also encourage you to go to the Families and Friends section both to read and post. You'll learn a LOT there, and it'll help you see the truth of what's happening behind the noise he's making....

Wishing you peace and clarity.

Edited to add: I just read your last post. If it was possible for us to "love" our A's into sobriety, there would be no need for this forum. Again, as I said, go to the F&F section and see just how "not unique" this situation is. You are walking a path that many, many have walked, and there's a lot of experience, strength and hope being shared here by those who have been there before or who are walking right along with you.

Eleni58

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It's only a matter of time before starts drinking during the daytime and in front of the kids. Don't wait to let it get to that point!

Nuudawn

I wasn't standing at the craps table watching my dad gamble either...it's what the the addiction does in the big picture that is so damaging; the secrets, the lies, the tension, the anger..the whole culture under the roof of home..that does the damage.

Bright blessings to you Shayda...find support for what YOU are going through. Which is I guess what you are doing by joining this site : )

Threshold

I was suicidal most of my life. And actually attempted suicide during the divorce process BUT...my ex could not have stopped me, it was NOT his fault or even the fact that he was ending our marriage that brought me to that point. It was that I wasn't coping with life and no one could cope with my life for me.

That is the bottom line, no one can live our life for us, and having a 24/7 babysitter so we won't hurt ourselves is not a viable option outside of the random day or two. And that is what psych wards are for, NOT what significant others are for.

I wanted it to be true that someone else could save me.

My drinking was never for fun, it was always to escape life...either temporarily or for good.

No way did I always want to get better. But after my suicide attempt I did have a clearer picture of what continuing to drink and use would do to me.