Failed so many times..
Been there, done that!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
Failed so many times..
I have promised myself over and over that I will give up drink but have failed every time. This time I mean buisness I have to make a stand it just this little voice in the bak of my head telling me I can't do it that this time will be the same as all the other times...
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Welcome. I too tried many, many times. What are you going to do different this time?
There is much experience here and many resources to put together a good plan and gather useful tools.
There is much experience here and many resources to put together a good plan and gather useful tools.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Your illness doesn't define you as a person, in no way a failure.
There is the irrational train of thought that since I've failed so many times then I am a failure. What is the use? I might as well keep using.
Your repeated attempts show you are very persistent.
Commit yourself to sobriety and abstinence...
you are not a failure.
Meet with someone face to face and just talk for a couple hours about your feelings and thinking about active using and active sobriety.
I don't know...hope the very best for you and may good health be swift.
There is the irrational train of thought that since I've failed so many times then I am a failure. What is the use? I might as well keep using.
Your repeated attempts show you are very persistent.
Commit yourself to sobriety and abstinence...
you are not a failure.
Meet with someone face to face and just talk for a couple hours about your feelings and thinking about active using and active sobriety.
I don't know...hope the very best for you and may good health be swift.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Great to see you back, Lionhearted. Yeah, tell that little voice saying you can't do it to shut up, because I'm telling you that you can do it. I've also tried again and again.
I'm on day 33 of my latest attempt and it feels different this time - like this is the one that will stick. I've been greatly inspired by hearing about others who've tried again and again and finally it stuck and they have been sober ever since. The important thing is that we keep trying.
I like what jazzfish asked because I've found that doing things differently this time round has really helped me.
I'm on day 33 of my latest attempt and it feels different this time - like this is the one that will stick. I've been greatly inspired by hearing about others who've tried again and again and finally it stuck and they have been sober ever since. The important thing is that we keep trying.
I like what jazzfish asked because I've found that doing things differently this time round has really helped me.
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
What has happened to me is after a few sober weeks or months I feel so good I know I'm cured and can drink a beer or two without going overboard.
This works OK for a while, but after another few weeks, or maybe a couple of months, I end up drinking more than when I quit the first time.
Do not try tapering, or moderation. Neither work for very long.
142 sober days now, and after a thousand attempts, I'll never try moderation again.
Good Luck!
This works OK for a while, but after another few weeks, or maybe a couple of months, I end up drinking more than when I quit the first time.
Do not try tapering, or moderation. Neither work for very long.
142 sober days now, and after a thousand attempts, I'll never try moderation again.
Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
That little voice isn't you.
That little voice is your addiction talking.
From now on any thought about addiction is not you.
It is your addiction's thought and you are not letting it rent space inside your head anymore.
That little voice is your addiction talking.
From now on any thought about addiction is not you.
It is your addiction's thought and you are not letting it rent space inside your head anymore.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Its not the failures with quitting that are the real problem here are my thoughts. Its the drinking itself which remains the problem to deal with now and into the future. The past is set already for what it is and what it is not. Failure does not have to be a stumbling experience - failure can be used to more honestly examine your choices going forward.
Addiction ambivalence in action is the reason you suffer while struggling to stay quit. That little voice in the back of your head is normal and expected while struggling. It may be difficult to appreciate right now, but suffering is a choice we make when we embrace a sense of doom and despair for ourselves.
The truth is YOU can quit drinking. Its not an impossible challenge, although you in fact do have to deal with your addiction ambivalence for some time. For myself, it took several months to realize my addiction was finally in retreat and would eventually become meaningless in my sober lifestyle.
Hard not to take pain and frustration personally, so don't even bother with it as a problem. Look past yourself, see a better person in yourself. Quitting IS a challenge to be sure, BUT its not your actual living problem here -- drinking and suffering from that same drinking is the problem to solve here.
Quitting solves that problem. Quitting forever of course solves it forever.
Addiction ambivalence in action is the reason you suffer while struggling to stay quit. That little voice in the back of your head is normal and expected while struggling. It may be difficult to appreciate right now, but suffering is a choice we make when we embrace a sense of doom and despair for ourselves.
The truth is YOU can quit drinking. Its not an impossible challenge, although you in fact do have to deal with your addiction ambivalence for some time. For myself, it took several months to realize my addiction was finally in retreat and would eventually become meaningless in my sober lifestyle.
Hard not to take pain and frustration personally, so don't even bother with it as a problem. Look past yourself, see a better person in yourself. Quitting IS a challenge to be sure, BUT its not your actual living problem here -- drinking and suffering from that same drinking is the problem to solve here.
Quitting solves that problem. Quitting forever of course solves it forever.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
some great advice here LH.
If you want sobriety - and I believe you do - leave no stone unturned - let no change be too onerous, no work too great.
Make recovery your number one priority....make it the axle on which the rest of your life turns.
If you want sobriety - and I believe you do - leave no stone unturned - let no change be too onerous, no work too great.
Make recovery your number one priority....make it the axle on which the rest of your life turns.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Lionhearted, I'm not pushing AA, but the following passage from the AA book has opened my eyes a bit:
"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."
During all my attempts to quit I had never fully conceded to my innermost self that I could never drink again, that I could never be a normal drinker. When I reread (it didn't stand out the first time I read it) this passage I realized deep down to my core that drinking was no longer an option.
For many of us, there is this notion or voice deep inside our brains that keeps us thinking we can control our drinking if we just try a little harder. But the truth is the vast majority of us have crossed that line long ago and we can never control our drinking.
So keep trying, remind yourself that your ability to drink with control is almost certainly gone forever.
"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."
During all my attempts to quit I had never fully conceded to my innermost self that I could never drink again, that I could never be a normal drinker. When I reread (it didn't stand out the first time I read it) this passage I realized deep down to my core that drinking was no longer an option.
For many of us, there is this notion or voice deep inside our brains that keeps us thinking we can control our drinking if we just try a little harder. But the truth is the vast majority of us have crossed that line long ago and we can never control our drinking.
So keep trying, remind yourself that your ability to drink with control is almost certainly gone forever.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 130
I am on the same boat as you. Today is about my 20th "Day One", so I have no advice to offer. I would like to send you a virtual hug though because I know how frustrating and painful this is....
I think the important thing is to continue trying no matter how many times it takes... it has to stick eventually. I am going to try and do a complete overhaul of my life, examine every aspect to see what needs fixing. I have a poster board where I've separated different aspects of my life and written down specific things I need to change underneath those sections (Ex: professional; personal; school; financial; hobbies; health- mental, spiritual, and emotional). I guess I will see how this works out and let you know.
I think the important thing is to continue trying no matter how many times it takes... it has to stick eventually. I am going to try and do a complete overhaul of my life, examine every aspect to see what needs fixing. I have a poster board where I've separated different aspects of my life and written down specific things I need to change underneath those sections (Ex: professional; personal; school; financial; hobbies; health- mental, spiritual, and emotional). I guess I will see how this works out and let you know.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
I read somewhere that if you have one foot in the past and the other foot in the future, you **** all over today. Take one day at a time! I admire you for your persistence. Don't give up and don't give in to the beast.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
the disease of alcoholism is a liar that told me many lies I believed.
it told me I was a useless,worthless,hopeless,helpless POS.
ity told me I don't have a disease, everythings allright.keep on drinkin.
they were all lies, lies I had to fight.
one thing that helped me tremendously was lookin in the mirror. not at how my hair looked( which doesn't take long nowadays with about 37 strands there!) or for dust bunnies or doghair on my shirt. but right...in..my...eyes and tell myself I am worth whatever work was necessary to change me.
realized it had been many years since I looked right in my eyes in the mirror. today I can do it without a problem. kind of a fugly dude lookin back at me, but I like him today.
it told me I was a useless,worthless,hopeless,helpless POS.
ity told me I don't have a disease, everythings allright.keep on drinkin.
they were all lies, lies I had to fight.
one thing that helped me tremendously was lookin in the mirror. not at how my hair looked( which doesn't take long nowadays with about 37 strands there!) or for dust bunnies or doghair on my shirt. but right...in..my...eyes and tell myself I am worth whatever work was necessary to change me.
realized it had been many years since I looked right in my eyes in the mirror. today I can do it without a problem. kind of a fugly dude lookin back at me, but I like him today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by IslaLuna 
Everyone on here has failed to control their drinking, that's why we're here! I try to use 'failures' from the past to keep me sober today, because I don't want to be that person anymore. Lots of luck x
my past is one of the greatest posessions I have. I leanred a LOT of what doesn't work too good.
or learned a lot.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 19
Lionhearted, I have failed many times too. Seemed like no matter how hard I tried I would always go back. I'm only four days in but what has worked for me is just planning every single day from morning to evening. I don't know that you haven't tried this, but it is working for me so far and being busy has helped make avoiding the thoughts and cravings a tiny bit easier.
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