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Old 08-08-2013, 06:34 PM   #1 (permalink)
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The end..


Hi all iam back and broken and just need to be honest, I stated drinking Wednesday night woke up yesterday and drunk first thing in the morning did not go to work and met my friend who Is also an alcoholic in the pub and drunk all day.. I was loud antisocial and boisterous..thank god nothing bad happened... I passed out and woke up at midnight with the worst fear and anxiety ever, it just hit me that my life is slipping through my fingers and alcohol is my master.. I am so scared its not funny. I will go back to aa my therapist anything and everything to save my life. I use to think alcohol was a joke but now I know it's far from a joke.
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Old 08-08-2013, 06:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Glad you are back and aware of your plight. I wish you the best in finding whatever support you need to finally quit.
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Old 08-08-2013, 06:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Sounds quite similar in some ways.
Glad you came back.
Start again,down that rocky but rewarding road, here and in other sober venues
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Old 08-08-2013, 06:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome back LH.
I'm glad you came back here to SR.
I'm sure you'll get it right the next time.
Sounds like you learned a valuable lesson.
And that's all we can do. Learn from our mistake, dust ourselves off and jump back on the wagon.
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Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

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Old 08-08-2013, 07:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lionhearted1 View Post
?..I will go back to aa my therapist anything and everything to save my life.
That's the spirit Lionhearted! You do whatever you need to do and endure whatever you need to endure because you are worth it!!

That's what got me through the first couple of months. I told myself I would duc tape my hands together and super glue my lips to the wall if I had to but I would NOT drink.

And then it got better and continues to do so. It was all worth it.

You can do it!
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Old 08-08-2013, 07:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I used to wake up after a bender with that sick feeling not quite remembering what happened. I'd get up, check to see if I still had my wallet, make sure the car had no dents, and then I'd try to reconstruct the night. All the while I'd have that sick feeling deep down in my soul. Soul hangovers. I also used to say "At least nothing bad happened". But I knew I was living on borrowed time and it was just a matter of time before my luck ran out.

I'm very happy that you're seeking assistance in getting sober. As you've stated you realize that alcohol is not a joke. Keep posting to let us know how you're doing. You can do this!
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Old 08-08-2013, 07:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome back lionhearted. It's easy to stay away & not own up to what happened - I'm glad you didn't do that.

I know how you feel - every time I picked up it led me to danger & an unpredictable ending. That's why I had to kick it out of my life forever. It sounds like you're disgusted and ready to do it this time. We know you can.
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Old 08-08-2013, 07:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Bruce, the words "soul hangovers" really nails it!!

Lion, glad you're back and ready to kick that monkey off your back!

June
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Old 08-08-2013, 07:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi guys its 4 am I can't sleep I stopped drinking yesterday afternoon can't the even put in to words how bad I feel.. Iam completely wrecked and ashamed of myself the fear and anxiety is,awful. I have a daughter who I love more than anything and she deserves to much more than a drunk dad.
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sorry that you are having such a bad time.

The only thing to do now is keep striving for sobriety. There are two key things which so many of us have come to realize:
1) Drinking ultimately makes us feel bad about all aspects of our life.
2) Not drinking allows us to feel good about at least one aspect of our life and the potential for so much more.

I wish you success.
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:25 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I wish you success and know that you r not alone.. I am so happy that you came back... One more person to join us in this battle.... Welcome back!
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm right with you there with the anxiety...4:25am here...I wish you all the best
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One day at a time...

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Old 08-08-2013, 08:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I understand.

I quit when I could no longer pretend to serve two masters while really placing alcohol above all.

The feeling of not swinging back and forth and not having secrets and not having a double life is almost indescribable. It feels so right to be whole.

I wish this for you.
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Old 08-08-2013, 09:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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You know Lionheart...there is something about your post that really does smack of "done". It is a mixture of vulnerability and fear... a tone of surrender. It really sounds like the sweet spot that lets sobriety shine in.

I am sorry for the awful way you feel...but in some ways, my heart is smiling for you. You're going to be okay : )
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Old 08-08-2013, 09:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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hey Lionheart. you don't ever have to feel this way again, you know? i think getting back with your therapist and getting back to AA is a great start. when you get back to AA, how about you start looking around for a sponsor to work the steps with you? if you're willing to do anything to get and stay sober, be willing to do that. you never, ever, ever have to feel this fear and anxiety ever again. your daughter never has to see you drunk again. you can do it, if you are willing.
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