AugustWest11

Yea it's the whiner again .. @ this point & time I really don't care if I am sober or a drunk. I am just going through the motions of living now. If breathing wasn't automatic I doubt I would even want to do that. Please don't take that last statement as meaning I am suicidal; I am far from it. First off I have know balls to do it to my parents or my Ex. & secondly I have too much fight left in me. Just saying, this depression\agoraphobia is such a weight on me now that my only friend doesn't even want me around Every day it is the same thing; I get up 8 pm say hello; give love & attention to our\ err her dog Holly; get ready for work, that doesn't include eating cause I haven't been, then stare at my pc till she asls me if iam ready @ 10 pm. Bust my a** making sure we are done on time being as we are short handed. Not to mention busting my already "broken" back. Not sure if I explained before that I am missing 10-15% of my lower back muscle mass. Then walk 3 miles home\ err to Her house rushing to hopefully see her & our lil Holly off for the day. How sad is that. Struggling suxx !!!!!!

Isaiah

Hey AW,

"It's the whiner again." You know, I've been coming around the Newcomer forum for years now. If I wanted to go to a forum where there was nothing but ecstatic joy and positivity I'd find a Justin Bieber fansite. I appreciate you "whining" as you put it, as I know what it means to get things off one's chest, in as much as I whine here myself when I need to. So no apologetics.

Finding yourself in a sort of limbo of not caring about sobriety or using is something I know too well with my own depression. I actually talked about that very feeling a couple days ago at an AA meeting. For me it was that not-giving-a-sh** that got me started in sobriety, and it was a lot of just going through the motions, life still pretty much sucking more days than not. Gradually I started beginning to like where my life was going and the idea of being sober.

Nothing bad that a drink would fix. Make a sandwich or heat some soup. If you're undernourished it's not any help to depression.

trikyriky

Pick yourself up , broken back and all and keep doing what needs to be done. It's not whining , its sharing. Hundreds do it everyday. It'll be ok. Be thankful for the things you do have , that many people don't. Like two legs, two arms. You getting the picture. Cmmon pal , you got friends right here .

Tr

AugustWest11

Thanx guys, really means something. I am just in a very dark place right now; been here only once before & that didn't end well. I have no appetite; I use to love to eat too lol Hell now that my cousin got me a tablet, I don't even want to ever get out of this bed

Louise82

Hey AW11. I have no experience of agoraphobia or the physical issues you mention, but just wanted to say that I've suffered from depression for years and it really is a witch. I'm on day 32 and was feeling fine earlier but all of a sudden something triggered this anger in me and now I'm all stressed out. I don't want to drink but I don't want to do anything positive either. So I can completely relate to hardly being bothered to breathe.

What's getting me through is that I know I have days like these sometimes and most of the time, if I stick to my plan for the day, the day will either improve or tomorrow will be better. Take care.

AugustWest11

Thanx :-) sticking to my plan; I work tonight so going to bed, wake @ 8 get my Holly lovin', stare at the PC, go to work *sigh*

trikyriky

Goodnight friend . Please try to do something with your freetime . Laying in bed is no good. Maybe take a walk. That always helped me. Enjoy God's creation

Tr

MidnightBlue

August, one day you'll wake up and feel that you care... about life, about yourself, about everything. That day you would be grateful that you are sober. And if the opposite.... You would probably bang your head against the wall.

I understand you, I've been in very low mood recently myself, barely dragging myself around. But.. It's better dragging myself around sober, than drunk, I suppose.

Take care.

Off to fight the dragon... Losing by far...

aasharon90

Bring the mind and the body will follow.

AugustWest11

Not sure I follow that .. sorry a lil slow. Thanx guys, mind is racing too much to sleep..

trikyriky

This works for me

AugustWest11

I'm in bed even worked last night, got off & walked here 3 miles in a rain storm no less & still not tired. Making tea though.. so hoping ..

Mirel

Hey AW,

I got on to start a thread for support and there your thread was. I'm doing everything to have the happier life. Not drinking, but back to cutting, then ashamed. If sober recovery is like a tunnel with a light at the end my car is broken down in the middle of the Chesapeake Tunnel...no light at either end, and water leaking through. I'm sorry you're depressed. I can relate though. I just don't understand why other people seem so happy in this world that is overwhelming, confusing, and sinister. Sorry I can't be a voice of joy, but thank for letting me know I'm not alone.

Eleni58

If you haven't already done so, maybe you should go to your doctor and tell him about your chronic depression. Perhaps he will put you on meds to help with this. I have not suffered from depression since quitting drinking. Just the opposite, in fact! Depression is a disease too. Don't try to fight it alone. Get some professional help!

EndGameNYC

AW and Mire -- Neither of you has stated whether or not you're being treated for your depression. If you're not, or you have been in the past and it "didn't work" for you, it's time to start getting the help you need.

Bruce292

Hey! Whine on man! That's why we're here. I think walking is one of the best ways to generate some optimism. I've been trying to get out and get moving as much as I can. I realize that you're dealing with pain issues but I think it's great that you're walking. As for a racing mind ... well ... my soap box is getting a little rickety so I won't get up on it right now

Silvy69

Alcohol is a depressant imagine if you were drinking and doing all that hungover... You can do this and whine on as you need.... Vent vent vent.. I wish you the best in this battle ...

AugustWest11

Thanx All; As for being treated; no I am not nor have I ever been .. Not that I am saying I wouldn't if need be. Just stating; I know where this is coming from and do plan on getting some help; when I can resolve other issues .. again Thanx All

MidnightBlue

Morning, August.

Here's my pinky boxing wraps in case if you need to give a good kick to depression) I know all my friends giggle when see it)

AugustWest11

Yea I did too MB Thanx Not as depressed as feeling sober today But no cravings yet So that is a plus :p