cryingbuddha77

So I ended up drinking while camping with my family this past weekend. I was on day 5, just like today. First night we were out there. My excuse was the statewide fire ban. "What are we supposed to do while camping with no campfire?" Why get drunk of course! It was horrible. I got so drunk I blacked out, I was bed-ridden the next day and to top it off that next night I ended up having the worst anxiety attack of my life. It was so bad my husband had to call 911. I was hyperventilating so bad my muscles seized up. It was really scary. The worst part is my two boys saw all of this.

On the bright side, I think it scared and upset me enough that I don't think I'll relapse again. Another thing I realized in talking with my husband is I went out there KNOWING camping would be a trigger with no plan, with very fragile sobriety. I think I learned some things from this experience, not the least of which is I don't want my boys to ever see me that way again. So, I return to you humbled and with renewed resolve. Today is day 5 and I'm feeling pretty good. It's also my birthday and I would normally use that as an excuse to get drunk. Not this time. Being sober is the best birthday gift I can give myself.

doggonecarl

Don't underestimate our addiction's ability to forget the horrors we put ourselves through. In the upcoming days, while your resolve is strong, put a plan in place that doesn't depend on you remembering why you quit to stay quit.

Good luck.

IOAA2

Hi. Happy Birthday without celebrating the old fashioned way. Hanging on one day at a time is a good way to go. With my way of getting sober a total failure I needed to surrender then get my help from AA. Years later I’m very grateful for my surrendering paying off. It took awhile to accept that it's the first drink that gets me drunk and I can live without escaping to alcohol.

amandanicole55

Happy birthday and congrats!! This sounds like a story in my life like my mother, sometimes God puts challenges in your life to test you and also like you said yourself humble you, if that was a trigger for you maybe you should try for now and not put yourself in those positions. We all have different "rock bottoms" but sounds to me that being sober is important to you, take it one day at a time and stay away from triggers! As for your boys I just always remember seeing my mom black out and hurt herself for so many years I was as young as I didn't even know what alcohal was untile now and I am 21 (not sure how old your boys are) and she still struggles, it has not only effect her life but also my sister and my life as well, till this day my entire life. I don't know your whole story but remember God blessed you with those a boys, so every time you think of taking a drink or that voice in your head "has an excuse" for you to drink remember not only are you hurting yourself but the people who LOVE you the most, and you may not realize how much of an impact it might have on them, my mom couldn't see it untile she was sobar 8 months ago. Life is very short and we all know this, we are not promised tommorrow, so congrat on being sober and NOT making an excuss to drink TODAY on your birthday! Your getting stronger by the minute! God bless!

Opivotal

Congratulations on day 5, Odysseus30 and Happy Birthday!
Being sober is the greatest gift you can give yourself.


:day2

cryingbuddha77

Thank you for the supportive words. I agree, not becoming complacent is key and avoiding triggers as well. My son is 6 and my stepson almost 13. They mean everything to me and it hurts me to realize what I've exposed them to. As a child of two alcoholic parents I know all too well the horrors of growing up in an alcoholic home. I always made excuses for my drinking, that I wasn't as bad as my parents. But in reality it's just as bad. I don't want my boys to have to wonder or worry about me anymore. I want to be there for them and be the best parent I can be. Anyway, I'm done making excuses. I know I need to get my ass to AA and come up with a plan for when I'm tempted, because I WILL be tempted. But at least for right now, in this moment. I don't want it anymore. I'm grateful for that at least.

amandanicole55

Yes, just make sure you find the way for you to STAY sober, meetings, 12 steps, proven ways to stay sober and its not to late! Just remember how much it hurt you seeing your parents the way they were? I know I do and still do and I just never wish that upon anyone, that's why I myself am 30 days sober today and never want to end up like my mom. But I'm not sure if u can relate but in my mom I saw a pattern where she would "mess up", "feel guilty" ex. And stay sober a little while and then relapse, because she wasn't taking the right steps, she thought she could stay sober alone and once a few months pasted by and she had forgotten and "forgiven" herself for whatever she had done that time, she would relapse, when times passes we often "forget" untile something worse happens, I don't want that to happen to you! Go to meeting! Follows the 12 steps and stay strong!

Eleni58

:day

Next time you go camping, leave the alcohol at home!

cryingbuddha77

Congratulations on your 30 days Amandanicole, that's awesome! AA worked for my dad, he had 10 years of sobriety before he died. My mom did several rounds of treatment, ended up addicted to meth eventually. She's clean from everything now but she doesn't attend AA or anything. We all have to find our own paths I guess.