So emotional
 

30 days sobar today, I thought I would be getting easyer but its not, and I thought I would be feeling happier but I'm not. I'm an emotional reck I wake up crying and go to sleep crying. It's not normal, I feel as if I was happier when I was drinking, but I know that's a lie. I just am so confused. I'm going into a depression and I don't why, I don't want to slip back into my old ways. I'm a child of 2 alcoholics, and Waltched alcohol destroy both their lives, I want to be different, but why am I feeling so sad and depressed? Shouldn't I be feeling better if I'm sobar? I'm going crazy. I feel so alone... Any advice?

I have no advice to offer; I can just say I am there w\ you; 58 days and still on an emotional roller coaster. I feel or think it is b\c we are dealing w\ things we "covered" up for so long w\ alcohol .. Least for me I KNOW that is what my problem is .. Only thing I can really say is your not alone and if you truly have a desire to quit; DON'T pick up that first drink .. Good Luck .

Depression is a horrible place to be and kudos to you for continuing NOT to drink! Are you eating and drinking healthy stuff? Sometimes the foods we eat and beverages we drink have a lot to do with our moods. Are you going to AA? Do you have a support system? Someone you can call? Have you talked to your doctor about your depression? Maybe you need to go on meds. Hang in there!

ELENI, thank! It's been hard, I have struggled with depression my whole life and yes I am on meds for bipolar depression and anxiety. I'm actually seeing my doctor witch is my primary doctor and my mental health doctor as well, he has me on a strick diet plan on eating heathly and so forth, and I'm seeing him now every 3 weeks just so he can keep his eye on me because he knows about my mental state and knows about my alcohal and drug abuse and he knows I'm sobar so he likes me checking in with him very often, and he is a great doctor! I love his support! I just can't help the way I feel, waking up every day crying and being this emotial can't be right! Can it? I want to drink so bad!! I really do but I know I can't! Because I know where it will lead me right back to... Im looking into meetings but iv been so busy with work but I NEED to make time. I think the depression is also coming from feeling alone because I'm a 21 yr old girl and I feel "my life is over" now that I'm sobar I won't be able to drink anymore while all my friends get to go out and have fun and get to be young and happy... But not me... Because I played with fire for the past 4 years that has gotten me into trouble and hurt my family, friends and myself. I don't want to be like my parents! I can't do it alone though!

Life is not over at 21 – it does in reality improve a lot when you get older – in my experience at least.

That does not help you a lot now though.

I do not know what to advice :-(

I do hope it will improve soon and you find the strength to pull through this.

Soberhawk, yes life is not over at 21 I understand, but to think of the big picture of getting sober at 21 and having this over welhming feeling that I can't drink again is very scary right now, when that's all I knew and loved for so long, but I have to take it day by day and I can't look or worry about anything past tommorrow... Because tommrow isn't promised. It's just a very over whelming and different feeling that I haven't felt.

I did not stop drinking at 21. I have been struggling with that substance for 3 decades, right know I am just thinking why did you bother, why not leave it alone. Insane to use so many years on this struggle that in reality did not bring anything good.

I recognize your feeling of overhvelmed sadnes saying farwell to alcohol, I do not have that now but I do remember having that feeling in the past. Even though it was bad for me, there was also an element of grief saying farwell.

I think you are right in taking it one day at the time.

Take care and be strong.

Hey amandanicole you must be proud of yourself somewhere in your heart to have made it 30 days! I am at day 8 after a relapse and SO scared of facing all those feelings again that I faced last time!

I don't want to smoke weed again though (my addiction). Not now, anyway. Not tonight. As much as it feels like the walls are closing in, I know I don't have to smoke. Sometimes I feel like staying sober is literally all I'm capable of. Maybe that and running a mile :)

You're so strong for keeping your job through all this. Finding a real person at a meeting to talk to would do me a lot of good and maybe you too. I'm 23 and in recovery, sometimes I wonder, why the heck do I need to end up here now, why can't I just go have fun with everyone else, and quit when I'm ready?

But I guess the fact that I'm here means I'm already ready. Life is special like that. When our parents put us in Kindergarten, we didn't get to complain that we'd rather suck thumbs another year. So when life lands us in recovery, through an equally unpredictable chain of impulses and events, we want to suck our thumbs a little longer, but sometimes, it's just time.

Hope that helped I like writing!:scorebad

Be strong! And thanks for that point of view never thought of it that way! You made my day!

Congrats on 30 days amanadanicole :)
Depression can be really hard to deal with - I'm glad you're seeing your Dr :)

D

I think ur doing great. I wish I got sober then at 21 I knew I should but continued and as I keep hearing and in my own evidence it just get worse. I think you are going through a grieving process about leaving your old life and can't see the future but I can assure you it gets better.
When I got sober five months ago I was a lunatic , angry n messed up I needed aa. I needed to learn how to do it because I couldn't do it alone. Theres no doubt about it , it gave me the tools that can help me go forward. I have to stick by it and my world opens. I haven't had a real bad day where I can't face the world my depression has lifted and I'm more optimistic. It takes time though for me patience is key.
Hope your well sister
Peace x

It sounds like you're doing everything you can do, so hopefully you will start to feel better soon.

You need a support system, I believe that only an alcoholic can understand what I am going thru.. Crying is fine if you are releasing your issues, I am doing the same, I can relate 100%.. My advice to you is make the time to go to meetings please, you are NOT ALONE! You do not have to do this alone... If not AA then something else.. There r resources you can find here.. I am 3 weeks sober and the first 2 I thought I could do it alone, I was so wrong.
BIG CONGRATS on your 30 days.....

Why do people think things magically change in such a short time after stopping using? How long have you abused alcohol? So why would your life do a 180 in 30 days? Its just an unrealistic expectation. I would say at least 90 days for the real positive changes to start, but its worth it. You have to do the work and make sure you are pushing yourself to do uncomfortable things and to grow every day. Sobriety only works if you work it. It sort of like paying the piper for years of abuse, but it DOES get better...........tons better. Good luck.

Your life is not over, it is just beginning.

Congrats on your 30 days. I was there just as many of us have been. The emotional roller coaster is a B**** and it is hard to ride at times. This to, shall pass. It does slow to a crawl so we can get off and rest. During that resting time we can grab tools and support to help us when the ride comes back around.

I would suggest you look into a recovery program. I go to AA and I would not be were I am today if I had not reached out to the program and the people. There are many young people in AA and they are an inspiration to me and they have that effect on all of us more seasoned (pickled) alcoholics. I am 44 and I can not go back but I can move forward. My life is beginning too.

I can't waste my days wishing I could have gotten the moment of clarity when I was your age. Sadly there are many that have not gotten it yet or they have but drank that away too. I have personal experience watching it in my life, as it seems you have as well.

You may not feel happier now but you will. It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. Hang in there. :hug: