BigTeddy

One of my best friends is getting married this weekend. I've been sober for almost 3 weeks, but this will be a big test for me. I've always associated weddings with drinking. In fact I can't tell you the last wedding that I went to, that had alcohol available, that I didn't get drunk. I'm one of the groomsmen, so just skipping the wedding or reception is completely out of the question. Also I get nervous when I have to be in front of a large group of people and having a couple of drinks always took the edge off, so to speak. This is going to be tough no doubt but I'm going to remain strong and not take that first drink. Iced tea only for me!

LadyinBC

Congrats on almost 3 weeks!

Personally there is no way I would have went at 3 weeks, even if I had been the maid of honor. But that is just what I would have had to do.

I would just make sure that you have a plan just in case. But wishing you the best of luck!

IOAA2

"I've always associated weddings with drinking."

When we stop drinking a lot of our past thinking has to change to positive non drinking thoughts to continue sobriety.

"Also I get nervous when I have to be in front of a large group of people and having a couple of drinks always took the edge off, so to speak."

I identify and call it self centered fear which I had a lot of and needed AAs people to help me lessen it. It lessened with time because I just didn't drink no matter what.

wakko

I would go to the wedding which is the important part but there is no way I could go to the reception. If I went I would be planning my own relspse

doggonecarl

I concur. The groomsmen role is at the wedding. I would beat a hasty exit from the reception.

And I don't see why you can't tell your best friend it's because you have quit drinking and don't wish to compromise your sobriety by the temptation of all the alcohol.

Live2Run25

I went to a wedding when I was 12 days sober. I couldn't NOT go, I was the photographer, but It was a friend and I knew everyone. It was tough. At the reception when things started getting crazy, I approached my friend ( mother of the bride, also a photographer) and told her that I needed to go. I explained that I had quit drinknig and I needed to leave. I had no regrets.

Now1000

Hi, funny that I actually went to a wedding just passed my second week too and was dreading it a bit and there were a few tough moments over the whole day. However, it went very well overall really, mostly due to a few things strategies I found most helpful during the reception:
1. Agree to become the designated driver to as many people your car can give a lift to!
2. Order some tonic water or any other sharp soft drinks lime lime juices, especially for toasts and during dinner
3. Have as much crazy sober fun you can on the dance floor, it really is great to realise you can be a bit silly and dance off without a drink on this occasion. Besides it is very distracting and releases some happy chemicals in your body
4. If possible go with someone who knows your journey and will support you, should you start feeling anxious or edgy.
5. Bring some sweets to treat yourself every so often and give you a boost!
6. Praise yourself for the brilliant job you are doing, hour by hour, being strong and think of how great you'll feel in the morning and no embarrassment or arguments during this special event.

Hope you have a great time. Stay strong!

Linnie

I have always hated weddings, mostly because I have always gotten super drunk and embarrassed myself at the receptions. I was the most drunk person at my own wedding, matter of fact. We went to a bar after the reception with many of the guests and I was so drunk I had to be carried to the car. Nothing classier than a 30 year old woman in a formal wedding dress falling over in a bar because she's too drunk to stand! I have a wedding in Las Vegas in October, my plan is to take my best sober friend and to claim to be on antibiotics for the weekend. Two of my oldest drinking buddies are marrying one another, so it's definitely going to be a booze laden occasion. Now1000, those are some wonderful suggestions! I think I'll employ those as well

wakko

When my only daughter got married I told her that I would be at the reception until I felt uncomfortable. I can never afford to put anything in front of my sobriety because anything I put in front of my sobriety I will lose if I drink. She understood because she has known me both sober and drunk. Her response was that she would rather have me sober then have me at the reception.

Sobriety involves some hard choices but one of the reasons I believe I am sober today is because I have never underestimated the power of alcohol

BigTeddy

Some very good advice in the responses, thanks so much! I've already planned on leaving the reception the minute I feel tempted to have a drink. I went to a concert last weekend and made sure to volunteer as the DD. I actually had so much fun dancing and enjoying the music sober and actually being able to remember what the band played the next day, it was awesome.

Dee74

Hi BigTeddy

Many times I bit off more than I could chew too soon, recovery wise, and paid the price.

The last time, I waited until I knew nothing or noone could sway me before I put myself in those kinds of drinking-centric situations.

We have to learn to crawl before we can walk, let alone run.

waiting until I was ready to handle things was a huge factor in me still being sober today, many years down the track.

D

BigTeddy

I just wanted to bump this thread because it has some valuable lessons in it, I think. As you can tell by my sobriety date of August 12, 2013 I was not successful in abstaining from alcohol the day of the wedding or the reception. In fact I started drinking at 10 am when I met the other groomsmen for brunch. What can one beer hurt, right? This day made me realize that I can stop myself from taking that first drink. But after that first drink I have literally no control. I drank all day leading up to the wedding, with the rest of the groomsmen. The only time I wasn't drinking was during the actual wedding service. I continued drinking during the reception and at a bar after the reception. I woke up the next afternoon with no recollection of pretty much anything after the reception. I didn't know how I got home, where my car was, or what I had said or done for about a 6-8 hour period. I was later informed that me and another of the wedding guests were kicked out of the bar at around 3 am for getting caught doing cocaine in the bathroom by one of the bouncers. I don't even like cocaine btw and hadn't done any in about 3 years prior to this night. I figured out that, thank god, we took a cab home. I guess the point of all this is that I wasn't prepared to be around a "drinking occasion" with only 3 weeks sober. I began attending AA meetings that following Monday and got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps. I should've taken the advice I got on here and only attended the wedding, but I was too prideful to admit to myself that I was just setting myself up for failure.

heath480

Just read the whole thread without noticing the date!

As I read it I thought oh no,this guy is planning to drink at the wedding,even if he dosen't realise it himself.

I was delighted to get to the end and read what happened.Good news indeed.

LBrain

thanks for posting the update BigTeddy, much appreciated and congratulations on sticking to it. Almost 9 months?

Aiko

Sorry BigTeddy,

At least you learned from the fall.
You where not ready. It happens!!!
But you get up and start again...
but learn from it that NO ONE DRINK!
or you loose it completely, and you end up doing stupid things!

I learned the hard way but you can live without it!
You need to understand your problem and accept it!

Please keep away from situations and if you are about it.... GET OUT!!!

Hope you get hold of it!

BigTeddy

Yep, coming up on 9 months clean and sober

MIRecovery

Going to a wedding reception at 3 weeks sober is not recommended but great job on 9 months sober.

bigsombrero

I was going to post "don't go" before I saw your follow up. It was pretty clear you'd drink - I know I would have.

I made some major changes and actually stopped hanging around with a lot of the old buddies after I got sober. No more fantasy football drafts, no more BBQs with them, etc. It was hard because they were my only friends, but I started leading the life I wanted and I'll be 2 years sober in July. It sounds like your decision to focus on sobriety is working for you, do whatever works. Thanks again for the update!

GotGrace

Wow! I, too, did not look at the date of your original post. I was all ready to offer my advice, but I read to the end and I am amazed. Great job picking up the pieces and getting back on track and staying the course (let's see how many idioms I can cram into one sentence!). Thanks for updating us and congratulations!

Aiko

Bigteddy,

Sorry i think i miss read ur post!

So pleases u are 9 momths that is awsome.
Keep safe