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Old 08-06-2013, 08:11 PM
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Explaining to friends/family

Well after 7 months I can't hide away terrified of social situations so went out with family, and my family like a good drink....
How did people handle explaining why they aren't drinking and countering silly negative comments?
These are my family so can't cut them off haha, most are really supportive but why is it seen as such a taboo not to drink in company?
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Old 08-06-2013, 08:16 PM
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I am hesitant to post because I have recently joined and only recently stopped drinking, but I will share what my family (those who are now sober) have shared with me.

I asked a family member the same thing that you are asking and what she told me was that because I am an alcoholic, I believe people will be obsessed and focused on my drinking, because I would be obsessed and focused on wanting to drink. Most people will simply not care, and it is our own fixated nervous fears that are trying to convince us to give in, or that we are doing something wrong, etc.

I don't know if that will ring true for you.

You can always simply say "I have an allergy to alcohol." You may get a "huh? Since when?" "I react differently and very negatively to it than other people." I have been told to politely decline, "doctors orders".


Good luck
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Old 08-06-2013, 08:40 PM
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I dunno Kizzy - if you're close, and after years of you drinking, and then 7 months avoiding them, do you think they know or have pieced something together already?

For me I just told my family the truth.

Some refused to believe it, others didn't get it, and kept on offering me 'just one' or shandies or whatever...but I held fast and eventually they came around.

They saw I was happier sober, and while they might not have understood why I stop drinking they responded to me being happy.

I reckon your family will be the same, after a little adjustment

D
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Old 08-06-2013, 08:41 PM
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I understand what you say but I was very careful to avoid it in the early months and thankfully the urge to drink subsided before this incident.
Funnily enough I actually do see it like that too, I never knew my limits and would make a show of myself, or upset someone intentionally or unintentionally.
I was terrified someone would not take me seriously and put a shot in my coke or something, as some struggled to believe I was capable of having a good time without it
.
Well done on stopping, it really is the most amazing thing and this situation is just a blip It seems the culture here in the UK to drink at every social event, I resented being made to look a social leper.
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Old 08-06-2013, 08:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I dunno Kizzy - if you're close, and after years of you drinking, and then 7 months avoiding them, do you think they know or have pieced something together already?
For me I just told my family the truth.

Some refused to believe it, others didn't get it, and kept on offering me 'just one' or shandies or whatever...but I held fast and eventually they came around.

They saw I was happier sober, and while they might not have understood why I stop drinking they responded to me being happy.

I reckon your family will be the same, after a little adjustment

D
I didn't say we were close... And I didn't say I hadn't seen them or told them before....
Of course I've seen them but not in a bar and not while they were drinking as the questioning got less diplomatic the more they had.
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Old 08-06-2013, 08:53 PM
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Yeah - it was impossible for me to glean anymore than what you posted in that one post, Kizzy

The meat of my post still stands tho - my advice is draw a line in the sand, and stick by it.

Be who you want to be

D
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Old 08-06-2013, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Yeah - it was impossible for me to glean anymore than what you posted in that one post, Kizzy

The meat of my post still stands tho - my advice is draw a line in the sand, and stick by it.

Be who you want to be

D
So you jumped to the assumption I hadn't seen or spoken to my family in 7 months?
It is late here and I am tired, but I found your comment a little glib sorry.
I was referring to the stigma surrounding those who don't drink in social situations.
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Old 08-06-2013, 09:11 PM
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The 7 months hiding out bit threw me. My apologies.

I'm not sure what part you found glib, Kizzy but I was really was just sharing my experience.

I hope you find some other answers that are useful to you.

D
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Old 08-08-2013, 12:06 AM
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I'm worried to tell my family as well. I told my older sister today and she gave just a little push back ("You mean you're never ever drinking again?? Why???") and then relented, telling me she loves me no matter what, even if I'm sober. Lol! My sisters are both big drinkers and so are my husband's siblings. I was worried that they would think because I recognized my problem and quit, that they would feel like I'm judging them, or that they would see me as sort of a mirror. I'm not sure what your family dynamic is, but I'm sure Dee's right. Just establish your boundary and stick to it. They love you, they'll let it go. If you're worried about someone slipping you a nip of booze, just hold on tight to your soda or give it a sniff before you drink it. I've read a lot of posts from people who have been sober for a long time and they say it doesn't seem to be as big of a deal to other people as it is to us. Most folks just say "Oh, ok" and go on with the day. Good luck to you! I hope your family is supportive and accepting
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Old 08-08-2013, 01:39 AM
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Originally Posted by kizzy40 View Post
Well after 7 months I can't hide away terrified of social situations so went out with family, and my family like a good drink....
Gotta say I read your post the same way as Dee, that you hadn't been out socialising for 7 months, with family or otherwise...

I agree that we probably place more emphasis on it than a 'normal' drinker would...but there are a lot of big drinkers (that may also have a problem) out there, esp here in the UK as it seems to have become a way of life for so many....and they may only think you can be fun if you're going to get in the same drunken state as them....I feel like this with certain friends..like they think I will hold them back from 'letting go' as I sit there in my sober state., like a judge on a panel. Truth is tho, in the few sober times I have been around drunk people, it is me that can't tolerate them...the slurred unfiltered speech, stench of stale booze, sudden bursts of drunken affection etc, etc. I realised I have to be drunk to be around them so i guess something has to give. Easier said than done tho when these people have been in your life for so long, whether its family or really close friends, so it's gotta be case of standing firm and if you do not enjoy being in that setting than steer clear as much as u can.
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Old 08-08-2013, 02:25 AM
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Originally Posted by kizzy40 View Post
These are my family so can't cut them off haha, most are really supportive but why is it seen as such a taboo not to drink in company?
Depends on the company. I guess I have to ask if you have any non-drinking social support?

I did not socialize at bars or at parties anymore. I drank myself into isolation. Other than talking with people at work I did not have any friends except one drinking buddy. All the social situations I am in now are with people that do not drink or are recovering alcoholics. These are now my friends and my social circle.

I understand you cannot cut out family but it is your life, not theirs.
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