In AA but don't want to do "The Steps" anymore
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I also wanted to add that I do not believe for a minute that I drank because I was "spiritually crippled", because of my abnormal character defects or because of my overinflated ego.
I think a lot of my drinking is rooted in codependency and is also tied with depression. That being said, unless someone is a saint, there is always room for self improvement.
When I try to be a better person, I tend to feel more balanced and more in tune with the universe (or HP or God or whatever people call it).
I look at the steps as healthy tools for introspection, growth and to help me build a spiritual connection as well as healthy relationships with others.
I like the steps in case you have not noticed but like a good friend of mine always says: there is a bolt for each nut
I think a lot of my drinking is rooted in codependency and is also tied with depression. That being said, unless someone is a saint, there is always room for self improvement.
When I try to be a better person, I tend to feel more balanced and more in tune with the universe (or HP or God or whatever people call it).
I look at the steps as healthy tools for introspection, growth and to help me build a spiritual connection as well as healthy relationships with others.
I like the steps in case you have not noticed but like a good friend of mine always says: there is a bolt for each nut
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by wpainterw 
AA is only one of the possible paths up the mountain of sobriety. I happened to find a particularly congenial agnostics meeting, although I am not a card carrying agnostic or atheist and have sudden lapses into spirituality and occasional seizures of Buddhism. I had a dog as a sponsor- well maybe a furry higher power. Our group had very few episodes of theatrical humility and self abasement and made up for it by light hearted humor. There was relatively little bragging about doing the steps. It was all very laid back and most of the group seemed to achieve sobriety, which, after all, is the primary,perhaps the only, objective. More conventional AA groups may have disapproved of us, viewing us as a sort of an AA motorcycle gang. But we never wore black leather jackets or sported AA tattoos. Occasionally a fanatic Big Booker from some conventional meeting would appear and we'd get cussed out and told we would never be sober and we usually would say "Keep coming back" (but in a way that sort of had a question mark after it). I've not had a drink for 25 years and several in the group have 35 years or so. What have we done wrong? Maybe it's too late to change now and go back to Step One!
Now all you out there. Say together "KEEP COMING BACK??????"
W.
Now all you out there. Say together "KEEP COMING BACK??????"
W.
Would LOVE to find a group like this around here.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by honeypig
Desperado, I'm from the "alanonic" side of the table so can't directly address what you're dealing with, but if I may, I have 2 things that you might find of use:
1. I attend a Buddhist 12-step book study group, currently reading "One Breath at a Time" by Kevin Griffin. This is a great group, wonder if you could find something similar near you and incorporate it as one of your weekly meetings? The different focus might be enough to help tide you over.
2. I'm also reading "Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power" by Marya Hornbacher. I know you're not specifically struggling w/the HP thing, but she also addresses the steps in this book in a way that I'm finding helpful.
Best wishes finding your way.
1. I attend a Buddhist 12-step book study group, currently reading "One Breath at a Time" by Kevin Griffin. This is a great group, wonder if you could find something similar near you and incorporate it as one of your weekly meetings? The different focus might be enough to help tide you over.
2. I'm also reading "Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power" by Marya Hornbacher. I know you're not specifically struggling w/the HP thing, but she also addresses the steps in this book in a way that I'm finding helpful.
Best wishes finding your way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 175
9 months sober is a great accomplishment! Be PROUD! There are other groups that I have gone to that can help in recovery. Have you ever heard of Women For Sobriety? It's been around a long time 1976? and has a Men for Sobriety as well. I think the headquarters is in Quakertown Pa. They have meetings that start with the affirmation.. I have a disease that once had me. I got and stayed sober for over 10 years with the help of their "Steps" which to me are very EMPOWERING to the person in recovery!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by MatildaRose
9 months sober is a great accomplishment! Be PROUD! There are other groups that I have gone to that can help in recovery. Have you ever heard of Women For Sobriety? It's been around a long time 1976? and has a Men for Sobriety as well. I think the headquarters is in Quakertown Pa. They have meetings that start with the affirmation.. I have a disease that once had me. I got and stayed sober for over 10 years with the help of their "Steps" which to me are very EMPOWERING to the person in recovery!
Anyway here are the WFS 13 new life acceptance statements
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 175
Here is a basic overview of Women for Sobriety
WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program
1.I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
2.Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3.Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4.Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5.I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6.Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7.Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8.The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9.The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
10.All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11.Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12.I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13.I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program
1.I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
2.Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3.Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4.Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5.I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6.Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7.Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8.The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9.The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
10.All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11.Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12.I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13.I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 212
I didn't read all the replies. I am in AA as well. Sober for 2 1/2 months and decided I was going to work the program my way. And of course no one is going to force you otherwise. Well, my way didn't work... surprise surprise. Relapsed and now I am back doing everything I'm told by people with many years sobriety who did what they were told. It is working out tremendously for me. I am not just "not drinking" now. I am changing my life for the better. You have to do what you feel is right. This is your recovery. What I wrote is just my experience so far. I wish you the best.
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi Grungehead!
Yeah, I've been told that stirring up all these resentments again, in my head, will make me feel worse than I did before, for a while.... However, I have managed to actually drop many, many of my resentments since I started my recovery. Suddenly I just wasn't angry anymore. Especially after my sponsor told me that holding on to a resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will hurt someone else.
Makes total sense.
The resentments that I still have left, well, I actually pray for those people and wish that they will get all the good things they deserve...
Yeah, I've been told that stirring up all these resentments again, in my head, will make me feel worse than I did before, for a while.... However, I have managed to actually drop many, many of my resentments since I started my recovery. Suddenly I just wasn't angry anymore. Especially after my sponsor told me that holding on to a resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will hurt someone else.
Makes total sense.
The resentments that I still have left, well, I actually pray for those people and wish that they will get all the good things they deserve...
Originally Posted by Grungehead
I don't know if I would call it a race, but I don't know when I might take my next drink and I don't want to find out. I took the steps in 3 months, and I can't fathom being on step 4 for 6 months. If I happened to be sober at the end of those 6 months I would be stark raving sober walking around for that long after stirring up 140 resentments in my head without doing the rest of the steps.
The big book gives very clear directions on when to do the next step. Obviously I think you can tell that I am of the opinion that the steps should be worked without delay, especially if newly sober and it's your first time through them. Either you are "ready to take certain steps" or you're not. If you have vowed to never take step 9 then I would say you definitely haven't completed step 3. If you haven't done a proper step 3 then you may want to look at step 1 and 2.
The steps are really a simple process. It's us alcoholics that make it complicated. Notice I didn't say an easy process, but very simple if you just follow the directions in the BB. The steps are a lifetime process. If you want to go through them in-depth you can always do them again. But the first time through them I suggest just doing each step to the best of your ability (at the time) and then do the next one immediately, not next month.
I can only tell you what has worked for me, and the process I suggest above worked for me. I have tried going through them slowly and I ran into the same problem DB. I eventually gave up on them and just did the "don't drink and go to meetings" method. That worked for awhile but I eventually stopped doing the "go to meetings" parts and I eventually drank again.
The big book gives very clear directions on when to do the next step. Obviously I think you can tell that I am of the opinion that the steps should be worked without delay, especially if newly sober and it's your first time through them. Either you are "ready to take certain steps" or you're not. If you have vowed to never take step 9 then I would say you definitely haven't completed step 3. If you haven't done a proper step 3 then you may want to look at step 1 and 2.
The steps are really a simple process. It's us alcoholics that make it complicated. Notice I didn't say an easy process, but very simple if you just follow the directions in the BB. The steps are a lifetime process. If you want to go through them in-depth you can always do them again. But the first time through them I suggest just doing each step to the best of your ability (at the time) and then do the next one immediately, not next month.
I can only tell you what has worked for me, and the process I suggest above worked for me. I have tried going through them slowly and I ran into the same problem DB. I eventually gave up on them and just did the "don't drink and go to meetings" method. That worked for awhile but I eventually stopped doing the "go to meetings" parts and I eventually drank again.
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi Wakko!
I hear ya!
My thinking is extremely alcoholic... if there is such a thing.
I'm extremely easy to offend, I can't act normal with a person (ever again) if I feel they have hurt me or raised their voice at me. I have bouts of crazy depression and paranoia etc etc etc.
I'm starting to wonder if there is some other way to deal with all of this. Certain days, in my head, are just hell from start to finish. Maybe I should consider some kind of medication?
I hear ya!
My thinking is extremely alcoholic... if there is such a thing.
I'm extremely easy to offend, I can't act normal with a person (ever again) if I feel they have hurt me or raised their voice at me. I have bouts of crazy depression and paranoia etc etc etc.
I'm starting to wonder if there is some other way to deal with all of this. Certain days, in my head, are just hell from start to finish. Maybe I should consider some kind of medication?
Originally Posted by wakko
I do beieve if you dont do the steps the likelihood of you drinking significantly increases but I would not rush through them either. I was a hard core alky and meetings were enough for me for the 1st year. I do not think I could have worked the steps earlier and done a good job but everyone is different.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Prairie Village, KS
Posts: 264
I love this topic too. I struggle with step work. I am supposed to be starting Steps 8 and 9 and I'm dragging my feet. My sponsor sees it too. I know there are some people that I can make amends to but honestly all my family and friends still love and speak to me. I was never one of those drunks that abandoned my children, cheated on my husband (now ex), or caused my mother, father and sisters tons and tons of grief. My problem is me. I have always had low self esteem and confidence issues. I realize that and that is what I'm working on. I have a God of my understanding and I've been sober for 7 months. I don't want to drink. I know what will happen. I've replayed the tape a thousand times. I go to meetings (although am now searching for a new group), read recovery books and come here.
Maybe I will finish the steps and maybe not. Today I just want to remain sober.
Too bad we are all in differnt parts of the world. We could start our own group called "Remaining Sober Without Doing the Steps."
Maybe I will finish the steps and maybe not. Today I just want to remain sober.
Too bad we are all in differnt parts of the world. We could start our own group called "Remaining Sober Without Doing the Steps."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi ANvilhead!
Thanks for the very valid points!
I guess I could get pen and paper out right now and get on with it.
I just feel such resistance to continuing. Escpecially after that last horrible phone talk with my sponsor.
Especially after I told him that my fears around my financial situation were kind of all consuming and that I didn't feel like I could focus on the steps until I got a new job (not THE dream job, just an interim kind of thing to tide me over... and I did find that now). My sponsor responded: I can't help you with all of that. You have told me this before. All i can help with is the spiritual solution and if you run out of money and have to leave your apartment... well **** happens and you'll still have to do the steps.
I guess that last part made me very resentful. Having a place to live is my priority and I will dare any BB thumper to try and convince me otherwise.
I guess I am resentful towards my (ex)sponsor. I havent talked to him in 2 weeks. My alcoholic, evil, side wants to dump him just to punish him for telling me that.
I know, I'm bad.
Thanks for the very valid points!
I guess I could get pen and paper out right now and get on with it.
I just feel such resistance to continuing. Escpecially after that last horrible phone talk with my sponsor.
Especially after I told him that my fears around my financial situation were kind of all consuming and that I didn't feel like I could focus on the steps until I got a new job (not THE dream job, just an interim kind of thing to tide me over... and I did find that now). My sponsor responded: I can't help you with all of that. You have told me this before. All i can help with is the spiritual solution and if you run out of money and have to leave your apartment... well **** happens and you'll still have to do the steps.
I guess that last part made me very resentful. Having a place to live is my priority and I will dare any BB thumper to try and convince me otherwise.
I guess I am resentful towards my (ex)sponsor. I havent talked to him in 2 weeks. My alcoholic, evil, side wants to dump him just to punish him for telling me that.
I know, I'm bad.
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
first off, congrats on the 9 months! no matter HOW we get there, it's a thing of beauty WHEN we get there, sober.
you aren't the first person to resist doing the steps. i appreciate your honesty. couple thoughts i had...what if you just don't WORRY about the 9th step RIGHT NOW? cross that bridge when you come to it and all that. what concerns me is the undone 4th step....i'd suggest going with what you HAVE now....it's not supposed to go on forever...and it's not supposed to be perfect, it's the best you have NOW. IMHO i think it would be far more beneficial to YOU to move forward with the inventories you HAVE, do your 5th and get all that crap OUT of you...lighten your load, give yourself some measure of peace of mind.
the you can look at steps 6 and 7...you mentioned you felt you did a rather hasty 3rd....your vision and relationship with the Higher Power of YOUR understanding may need some more thought and attention. nobody says you can't loop back around. or just take time and decide what all that means.
some sponsors are pretty rigorous...we tend to pass on what we were taught. maybe that is not what you need right now.....that's ok. if any of the above sounds in the least bit reasonable, maybe your sponsor can at least get you thru the 5th step and then you guys can decide from there.
wishing you the best!!!
you aren't the first person to resist doing the steps. i appreciate your honesty. couple thoughts i had...what if you just don't WORRY about the 9th step RIGHT NOW? cross that bridge when you come to it and all that. what concerns me is the undone 4th step....i'd suggest going with what you HAVE now....it's not supposed to go on forever...and it's not supposed to be perfect, it's the best you have NOW. IMHO i think it would be far more beneficial to YOU to move forward with the inventories you HAVE, do your 5th and get all that crap OUT of you...lighten your load, give yourself some measure of peace of mind.
the you can look at steps 6 and 7...you mentioned you felt you did a rather hasty 3rd....your vision and relationship with the Higher Power of YOUR understanding may need some more thought and attention. nobody says you can't loop back around. or just take time and decide what all that means.
some sponsors are pretty rigorous...we tend to pass on what we were taught. maybe that is not what you need right now.....that's ok. if any of the above sounds in the least bit reasonable, maybe your sponsor can at least get you thru the 5th step and then you guys can decide from there.
wishing you the best!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Do what you need to do to stay sober, not what someone else needs to do. Not everyone needs AA or the steps to stay sober. I've been sober over 2.5 years without AA and couldn't be happier.
Best Wishes!
Ru
Best Wishes!
Ru
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi Carlotta!
You are right, I am a guy and I do live in Europe.
That said, thanks to those who talked about the women's group affirmations. The AA that is in my city is pretty liberal when it comes to mixing men and women. I personally don't believe in the men should only talk to men stuff.
I see what you mean with the steps being beneficial. Perhaps I should just start over with another sponsor?
Then again, that too is a negative pattern of mine... right away when I dont feel something is perfect, I tear everything apart and start from scratch.
You are right, I am a guy and I do live in Europe.
That said, thanks to those who talked about the women's group affirmations. The AA that is in my city is pretty liberal when it comes to mixing men and women. I personally don't believe in the men should only talk to men stuff.
I see what you mean with the steps being beneficial. Perhaps I should just start over with another sponsor?
Then again, that too is a negative pattern of mine... right away when I dont feel something is perfect, I tear everything apart and start from scratch.
Originally Posted by Carlotta
Congratulations on 9 months
The AA program is the steps. Going to meetings is fellowshiping.
Like others mentioned, there are different ways to stay sober
My personal experience is that I have always benefited from step 4.
It allows me to look at the patterns in my relationships and see where I sometimes self sabotage and where I get entangled in dysfunctional relationships so I do not have to repeat the same mistakes over and over again and I can move forward.
The AA program is the steps. Going to meetings is fellowshiping.
Like others mentioned, there are different ways to stay sober
My personal experience is that I have always benefited from step 4.
It allows me to look at the patterns in my relationships and see where I sometimes self sabotage and where I get entangled in dysfunctional relationships so I do not have to repeat the same mistakes over and over again and I can move forward.
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi neferka!
You are right, and I know this: You can't hold all of AA responsible for the "shortcomings" of one member...So, when I do hear something I don't like, I try to just go like... oh well, that's that person's take on it, it's not representative for all of AA.
You are right, and I know this: You can't hold all of AA responsible for the "shortcomings" of one member...So, when I do hear something I don't like, I try to just go like... oh well, that's that person's take on it, it's not representative for all of AA.
Originally Posted by neferkamichael
DesperadoBlond, please always remember when you are in an AA meeting you are still in a room full of drunks. In AA millions have arrested their addiction to alcohol and hundreds of millions that have went to AA failed in the program. I go to AA for the fellowship and am actually moving away from it completely, because I'm about to clash with some of the old timers over several issues in my home group, and from the meetings I've been to outside of my home group I'm hearing and seeing the same thing wrong. Please never let a person tell you that if you don't work the steps you'll go back out and use. Now as far as your sponsor abandoning you, it ain't the first time that a AA sponsor has abandoned a sponsee and it won't be the last time. I know a man who abandoned his wife and kids for AA, and he's the drunk, not them. DeperadoBlone, you'll stay sober if you want to that's the bottom line. Rootin for ya. 
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
HAHA SoberJennie!
Yeah, what I do really dislike about the program is seeing some members who REALLY get into the whole ego deflation thing... in a, for me, negative way.
15 years sober and they sit in darkened rooms with the blinds shut, trembling and crying about amends they are still making.
I'm unsure about a lot of things. But that, I do not want.
Yeah, what I do really dislike about the program is seeing some members who REALLY get into the whole ego deflation thing... in a, for me, negative way.
15 years sober and they sit in darkened rooms with the blinds shut, trembling and crying about amends they are still making.
I'm unsure about a lot of things. But that, I do not want.
Originally Posted by SoberJennie
Haha! This was exactly what I felt in there. It was the #1 turn off for me. I did not at all want that for myself, so I thought... wow, am I wasting my time here?
Since then, I've gone back to WFS, and now I do individual therapy, read lots of books on my own, and SR.
I've considered trying out an all women's AA group, but I'm not getting my hopes up about it yet. It was suggested to me to try several different groups out before I decide it's not for me. I'm somewhat skeptical at this point, given what I've seen so far of the program and the clubhouse I was attending
Since then, I've gone back to WFS, and now I do individual therapy, read lots of books on my own, and SR.
I've considered trying out an all women's AA group, but I'm not getting my hopes up about it yet. It was suggested to me to try several different groups out before I decide it's not for me. I'm somewhat skeptical at this point, given what I've seen so far of the program and the clubhouse I was attending
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi HoneyPig!
Funny that you should bring that up! I have actually been considering looking into Buddhism. I was reading up on it the other day!
Even though I am no great believer and organized religion really tends to put me off... buddhism seems very... non-judgemental.
I am at the point where I have definitely understood the necessity for having a Higher Power. And I guess I do believe... as someone told me the other day... "Your obsession to drink, that you had for years, was suddenly lifted when you came to AA, surely you must recognize that that change didn't come solely from you". And I do hold on to that... And I do believe. And so I guess I am looking for ways to gain a better understanding of my Higher Power. Perhaps through Buddhism.
Catholicism, Islam and all those super judgemental scriptures are absolutely out of the question for me.
Funny that you should bring that up! I have actually been considering looking into Buddhism. I was reading up on it the other day!
Even though I am no great believer and organized religion really tends to put me off... buddhism seems very... non-judgemental.
I am at the point where I have definitely understood the necessity for having a Higher Power. And I guess I do believe... as someone told me the other day... "Your obsession to drink, that you had for years, was suddenly lifted when you came to AA, surely you must recognize that that change didn't come solely from you". And I do hold on to that... And I do believe. And so I guess I am looking for ways to gain a better understanding of my Higher Power. Perhaps through Buddhism.
Catholicism, Islam and all those super judgemental scriptures are absolutely out of the question for me.
Originally Posted by honeypig
Desperado, I'm from the "alanonic" side of the table so can't directly address what you're dealing with, but if I may, I have 2 things that you might find of use:
1. I attend a Buddhist 12-step book study group, currently reading "One Breath at a Time" by Kevin Griffin. This is a great group, wonder if you could find something similar near you and incorporate it as one of your weekly meetings? The different focus might be enough to help tide you over.
2. I'm also reading "Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power" by Marya Hornbacher. I know you're not specifically struggling w/the HP thing, but she also addresses the steps in this book in a way that I'm finding helpful.
Best wishes finding your way.
1. I attend a Buddhist 12-step book study group, currently reading "One Breath at a Time" by Kevin Griffin. This is a great group, wonder if you could find something similar near you and incorporate it as one of your weekly meetings? The different focus might be enough to help tide you over.
2. I'm also reading "Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power" by Marya Hornbacher. I know you're not specifically struggling w/the HP thing, but she also addresses the steps in this book in a way that I'm finding helpful.
Best wishes finding your way.
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
SereneEdition,
thanks!
Yeah, I should just get on with it.
But, then again, if acceptance is the key, how about acceptance with regard to the fact that I don't want to do the steps (at least not now)?
thanks!
Yeah, I should just get on with it.
But, then again, if acceptance is the key, how about acceptance with regard to the fact that I don't want to do the steps (at least not now)?
Originally Posted by SereneEdition
Hi desperado -
Congrats on 9 months.
I'm not in AA - but 160 of anything would slow things down to start to affect motivation taken as one chunk. maybe do a smaller batch - enough for you and your sponsor to feel like you'll get the most value out of the step. Steps might not be the issue - just how the workload is divided up.
Would hate to see you give up something that has been working - particularly as it seems like the step itself isn't the core issue.
Congrats on 9 months.
I'm not in AA - but 160 of anything would slow things down to start to affect motivation taken as one chunk. maybe do a smaller batch - enough for you and your sponsor to feel like you'll get the most value out of the step. Steps might not be the issue - just how the workload is divided up.
Would hate to see you give up something that has been working - particularly as it seems like the step itself isn't the core issue.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 212
I think you should do whatever keeps you sober. I am just going to reply with what I am hearing in your post...
How your sponser responded does sound a little harsh. But the person said, they told you this before...so obviously, you are not listening. And that is totally ok. But can you see how your sponser may be feeling having to go over the same thing with you again and again?
Also, yes, your job and financial situation are very important. But a sponser is there to guide you through the program and keep you sober. Sure, he could be more sensitive about your situation. But maybe he knows that if you really work the program you won't have as many fears about your situation, and you will grow to handle the many difficult situations that will come up in our lives. I guess I am seeing it in a different way.
How your sponser responded does sound a little harsh. But the person said, they told you this before...so obviously, you are not listening. And that is totally ok. But can you see how your sponser may be feeling having to go over the same thing with you again and again?
Also, yes, your job and financial situation are very important. But a sponser is there to guide you through the program and keep you sober. Sure, he could be more sensitive about your situation. But maybe he knows that if you really work the program you won't have as many fears about your situation, and you will grow to handle the many difficult situations that will come up in our lives. I guess I am seeing it in a different way.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hey K
I'm gonna take a slightly different tack here...I know you haven't been happy in AA for a while...but you weren't happy outside it either...
maybe the issue isn't really the 12 steps or not, but you facing whatever it is in you that's keeping you unhappy?
Just a armchair psychoanalysist's thought
D
I'm gonna take a slightly different tack here...I know you haven't been happy in AA for a while...but you weren't happy outside it either...
maybe the issue isn't really the 12 steps or not, but you facing whatever it is in you that's keeping you unhappy?
Just a armchair psychoanalysist's thought
D
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi Sally!
I hear ya!
Even though I have this resistance to keep working on the steps, I don't have a desire (or any plans) on drinking again.
I know what will ensue if I do. I just cannot be trusted AT ALL when I drink.
The worst things are:
-drunk e-mailing (always seems like a GREAT idea to tell coworkers, my boss and clients how "I feel")
-Calling people to tell them "how I feel" about them.
-Drunk texting angry, resentful messages full of spelling mistakes.
-Hang overs - oh the horror.
I know I will lose my job, apartment and all else in days if I pick up. And I know I can't just drink a glass or two - that was never my goal when drinking. I drank to get wasted to death. I know all this and so it is not an option .
I hear ya!
Even though I have this resistance to keep working on the steps, I don't have a desire (or any plans) on drinking again.
I know what will ensue if I do. I just cannot be trusted AT ALL when I drink.
The worst things are:
-drunk e-mailing (always seems like a GREAT idea to tell coworkers, my boss and clients how "I feel")
-Calling people to tell them "how I feel" about them.
-Drunk texting angry, resentful messages full of spelling mistakes.
-Hang overs - oh the horror.
I know I will lose my job, apartment and all else in days if I pick up. And I know I can't just drink a glass or two - that was never my goal when drinking. I drank to get wasted to death. I know all this and so it is not an option .
Originally Posted by Sally3127
I love this topic too. I struggle with step work. I am supposed to be starting Steps 8 and 9 and I'm dragging my feet. My sponsor sees it too. I know there are some people that I can make amends to but honestly all my family and friends still love and speak to me. I was never one of those drunks that abandoned my children, cheated on my husband (now ex), or caused my mother, father and sisters tons and tons of grief. My problem is me. I have always had low self esteem and confidence issues. I realize that and that is what I'm working on. I have a God of my understanding and I've been sober for 7 months. I don't want to drink. I know what will happen. I've replayed the tape a thousand times. I go to meetings (although am now searching for a new group), read recovery books and come here.
Maybe I will finish the steps and maybe not. Today I just want to remain sober.
Too bad we are all in differnt parts of the world. We could start our own group called "Remaining Sober Without Doing the Steps."
Maybe I will finish the steps and maybe not. Today I just want to remain sober.
Too bad we are all in differnt parts of the world. We could start our own group called "Remaining Sober Without Doing the Steps."
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