wantanewlease

Well... here goes.

I don't even know where to begin, truthfully... it seems like so much bad has happened and I am not sure where I am going anymore. Last night was the straw, however, and I know that I have to do something or else I will lose absolutely everything.

My husband and I have been together nearly 2 1/2 years - this is his first marriage, and my fourth (I hate even reading that). We have A LOT in common, but the one bad thing is that we both drink - way way way too much. That's not what brought us together, but it will certainly tear us apart. I know I am a bad drunk, and that puts the stress on our relationship the most because we always end up in a fight (which happened again last night). I recently lost my job (not from drinking) and just prior to that got a DUI, so now I'm having a hard time getting another job - now I am filing for bankruptcy, going to lose my car, and am so worried that I will lose my husband on top of everything - I am just at my wits end.

I need help. I know I do. I will be required to go to group counseling, which is fine, but I can't afford that until I get another job. I am very depressed, and even though I have my family and my husband, I feel like I have let everyone down - myself included. I am so far in an emotional hole, I don't know how to climb out.

I am not the person I used to be... I want that person back.

Pamel

It starts with the first step. Gawd I wish I could say it is easy, but it is not. AA (I am sure you know) is free, and there are so many of us who have been where you are. Climb out of that hole to an AA meeting (even if it is not the solution) but be as honest as you have been here and you WILL get help if you speak up. I have heard so much worse, and you are not there yet.

Please: Go early, introduce yourself to someone (if not the group) and let others shoulder some of this pain. They will, I guarantee.

Stimmed

Hello, Wantanewlease, welcome to SR

I wish you so much good luck on this journey and enough strength to see it through,
really I do. You have come to a very good place that provides tons of help, support and encouragement; you'll like it here, I'm sure

Pamel

Still here for you...

visch1

Welcome to what can be an opportunity to become comfortable with yourself. "The first half of the first step - we admitted we were powerless over alcohol - is the beginning of the AA program which we strive to perfect on a daily basis. Since alcohol is but a symptom of our disease, we must realize that the thinking mind with its acquired traits, habits and character defects allowed itself to develop this obsession of the mind - to drink."
That's it being honest with ourselves that we can not drink in safety. I'm grateful that I came to believe that after seeing my life heading to hell. With AA, the people in it who understand us best and work I'm grateful to have stopped drinking for over 30 years and it starts with Step one. BE WELL

wantanewlease

Thank you to everyone for the words of encouragement. I have spent the better part of today applying for jobs, but my husband is still asleep and we have not talked yet so I am still feeling anxious. I am hoping that things will work out - I really could not take losing him along with everything else that has happened.