pinkdog

Hi mark, I don't think it takes courage to commit suicide. It takes courage to work thru it, like you are doing. I understand the guilt and shame that follows a drinking bout. It will pass. Sobertime will clear your head. You should be proud of yourself for coming here. We are proud of you. It will get better.

youngmark53

Thanks pink dog for your kind words. I've been in this head wrecking postion before, the problem is I always mess up again and again..

hayley86

Hi Mark,
Recognizing the problems that drinking has caused you and reaching out for help here is a great first step towards getting better. I know its difficult but i would try and put the feelings of guilt and shame to one side for the time being and concentrate on getting well and not drinking today. Guilt and shame hold us back and can prevent us from getting better sooner.

You say you are concerned about what may have happened at the weekend because you don't remember what went on. It might not have been as bad as you think and sometimes we build our own behavior up in our heads and concentrate on it much more than other people around us do. People usually find something else to focus on other than drunken behavior!.

I know you might feel like running away right now but your problems wont just suddenly disappear if you do that. The same issues and problems will follow you unless you get them sorted out once and for all. Do you have a plan for your recovery?.

Dont be too hard on yourself with regards to whats happened. When you get sober and well people will be able to see the kind and friendly person that you say you are. Wishing you the best.

Sasha4

There are three statements that totally explain my bad relationship with alcohol.

Maybe you might benefit from them.

I remind myself of them whenever I feel triggered to drink.

1. I have regretted drinking may, many times. I have never regretted not drinking once.

2. If I stay away from the first drink, I cannot get drunk. It is not the 9th or 10th drink that gets me drunk, its accepting the first one.

3. I never have to feel as bad as I do ever again. All I have to do is keep away from the first drink.

I won't lie, if it were that easy forums like this, AA AVRT would not exist.

If we have a bad relationship with booze, at some point we have to sort ourselves out. As in realise that nothing good can come from drinking for us.

I would rather 'get it' now then drink for another 30 years and suffer many more negative consequences.

Your young. You can move on from this and understand why drinking effects you differently to other 'normal' drinkers.
You have not had significant losses from drinking.
Come here, read and post and learn all you can.
Don't just reserve it as a place you come to when you are at your hungover wits end.

Honestly 'get it' now, not by the time it's too late.

I wish you the best

raku

Hi Mark !
just wanted to add my positive support....
I've been where you are....again & again.....But the self-degradation, wanting to run away,
thinking you are a horrible person...Does End. Why not take the suggestions of coming up with a sobriety plan (instead of beating yourself up !) Whatever support plan you can come up with. Need help coming up with a personal plan ? First step is a list of what you will do to help yourself feel better when you have an urge to drink. Whatever those things are...music, exercise (mowing my grass yesterday on my day 2 helped immensely, today it's being creative, vacuuming my house, weeding, etc.), posting here, crying (''they" say that tears are toxic, toxins leaving the body), writing, eating ice
cream (someone posted that as a suggestion for a pleasant thing to do instead of ruminating on all the myriad of things on her to do/worry list (or drinking !) and I remembered being addicted to ice cream at 10-15 years old, so I had to smile !)
I am sure you catch my drift !
Do not drink over the remorse you feel about drinking...been there, done that...like adding insult to injury for the body and emotions !
Stay calm and focused on "being here now", not what you did last weekend, nor what
you Will do. This helps alot !
Raku

Pamel

Being here now...that is so true. You can't change the past, but you can begin a better future. Right now you are under the influence of a very powerful chemical-alcohol, and it is going to take a few days for that to lift.

I forget what a depressant alcohol is, and as I am trying to finish my first day sober, remember that I am still under that influence. Right now, I will just be very grateful to go to bed knowing I have not had a drink today.

pinkdog

Hi Mark, you are so welcome. I had alot of encouragement and support. It is good to get things out. Examine them in the light. To me, a big part of addiction is the secrets and lies. Being accountable is important. To yourself. Keep going friend. You will have that "aha" moment. You can do this!