Binge Drinking = poor choices
 

Hello, first post. If I'm here, I must be genuinely concerned about my behavior.

I'm a 42 year old man, raising my family in a good area full of great friends and people. My wife and I have put together a good life for ourselves, not without hiccups, and we are involved heavily in our childrens' lives and in our community. I volunteer a lot of my time in youth sports in the area, and we generally just try to do the right thing.

Anyway, I know all about alcoholism and substance abuse from a lot of angles. My mother's family has been in the bar/restaurant business for 70(!) years, and my father has been a consultant for addiction recovery centers all over the nation (no, they aren't married anymore. Not because of divergent careers, but because of personalities).

I've been through periods of my life where I've been drinking too much; being fairly drunk, usually at home, 3-4 nights a week at times. about 3-4 years ago, I cut that way back, mainly because of health concerns (I wanted to get in shape) and marital concerns. No problem. It was easy to do.

These days, however, I don't abstain. I drink perhaps every 1 to 2 weeks, and I just blow my brains out with alcohol more often than not. And I behave stupidly. I've always been my father's son with regard to how I behave socially; I've been known to have a weakness for women, and this is enough of a problem, and a separate issue altogether (please don't judge, I'm just being honest here). But when I'm drinking, I don't care who is around, who is watching, or what I'm doing, or what I say. So many times I've woken up in the morning and just have been aghast at what I might have done the night before! And when I'm with my wife, it always ends up in a fight over something I've said to her, or someone else.

I also do other really stupid things like drive! This is horrifying to me. It's inexcusable.

It's a matter of time before I do something I can't take back. I'm 42, and I know this.

The real problem is that I've been down this road of remorse before. Have stopped for a couple of months, totally. And once the remorse wears off, I will have a drink with a friend, and wonder, "Jesus, why did I ever give this up? This is fun!"

Well, I don't want that to happen. I don't know what I have to do to keep from putting myself in these situations again. At this point, 4 days after the last night of boozing it up and being an a-hole, it's clear to me that the honest answer is that I cannot handle alcohol and should just stop.

However, experience tells me that 40 days from now I will feel differently and be ready to party.

I'm an atheist, so I don't have anyone to pray to, and this is also a problem I have with AA, and I don't know if that's where I belong anyway.

aa is just a group of people who are there to help I think everyone gets stuck on the good thing. Your higer power could be the group of aa ir a carrot.

There are people there who will look you in the eye and not judge you and most importantly know how you feel.

I think give it a go it works well for me if you go regular because it reminds you what h happens when you drink.

Because you forget very quickly like you said.

If you really want to stop and don't want to spend heaps give it a go. or not it's up to you really.

AA is an option, but there are other options. I'm using this forum. Others will likely respond to this with still other options. I think the key is to find SOMETHING that works because that "forgetting" and complete inability to moderate is something that marks our condition. Nice to meet you!

Have you ever checked out SMART Recovery? You seem like a pro's and cons kind of fellow. I believe they have a number of worksheets etc...one being a cost/benefits analysis that may be beneficial. Drunken behavior amnesia can affect us all and lead up to relapse. Alcohol makes you well..not such a nice guy it seems. Made me not a very nice or respectable woman lol.

It would appear that getting off that merry go round would serve you better...just like the rest of us here.

Welcome to SR, Wt3.

Your post sounds so familiar to me; I relate in almost every way.
I have to say though and honestly say... I haven't driven a car or rode a motorcycle for a long time - because I'm an alcoholic and have the same kind of careless attitude about everything, once I feel the affects of the first drink.

However, it's day 1, after a binge that was far beyond dangerous. I have got to stop drinking alcohol and start to respect my life, as well as members of my family, asap!

SR is my only hope, I'm sure. I'm sure also, that you will find lots of help and support here, given so freely. I've never known a place like this, really :)

If you make changes in your life in the next 40 days (besides stopping drinking), you might find yourself feeling ready to continue your recovery. I think it's important to deal with the issues that have led you to alcoholism. You have found that your drinking is causing health and marriage problems and yet you continue to drink, most likely because you are not ready or willing to deal with the underlying issues.

I was a control-freak and that had a lot to do with me drinking. Being a control-freak is lonely and exhausting. I was depressed and had chronic insomnia. I had to learn how to let go and that the only thing I could control was how I reacted to things in my life.

Thank you for your message. I appreciate your perspective that it is indeed an individual choice; problem is, I need help making the choice that i know I need to make, right? That's how feel, looking at it dead level.

Thank you for your reply. It makes sense. I have to make this change, but I'm not capable of doing it alone, evidently. That 'forgetting' is the devil, isn't it? That's what is most disturbing to me.

:welcome wt312000

SR is a great place for support.

One Day at a Time

Thank you for your reply...I think that it's a choice that I must make, but perhaps can't make on my own, because of the 'forgetting.' This is staggering to me.

Thank you for your reply! I will check that out, and yes, I think you are right on all accounts.

It makes me not a nice guy, although at the time, I'm sure I'm the nicest guy in the room :-/

I have to! Thank you for getting back to me.

Thanks! I think that's the only thing that's gonna help me change, honestly. I'm not able to do it.