Time to Stop
 

Hello everyone -

I am a 30 year old white male in the middle of Ohio, I have a great successful career, a wonderful long term girlfriend, a nice house, a dog and a cat, and I'm a drunk.

It's amazing how much my life revolves around drinking and how I pick up the bottle without even thinking about it. Yesterday (Sunday) I realized I was going to be alone all afternoon so I went to the store, bought the big bottle of wine, and chugged it down in about an hour. I slept till 3 or 4, sobered up for a couple hours, then drank beer again all night. I managed to accomplish all this without my girlfriend having a clue.

Now is the time to stop. I have drank daily for about 10 years. My father is an alcoholic, and I can tell his health is going downhill... I'm hoping to make some connections through this site to help me with this.

Welcome.
Glad you found this site.
I just recently joined as well.
There's some really nice folks here that will give you encouragement and tools to help you get and stay sober.
Best of luck.

Thank you. I really don't know where to turn. I can't attend local meetings, because word would get out and my company would no doubt fire me. I've seen them do it to others. I'm hoping I can find the support and accountability through this site.

What an honest appraisal of your situation, zad83. Honesty is a rare commodity in this addictive world.

As regards AA, of course, everyone there has the same problem so it is in no-ones interest to divulge information. That said, life is not perfect. Have people been fired because they went to AA? ...or because they were caught drinking? Most HR people now are educated in the need to get help with a problem that you inherited (from your genetic makeup), and can be very supportive if you are honest that you are seeking help.

Anyway, glad you have found this site.

Thanks Pamel. I come here today feeling soaked in alcohol from the weekend; basically drinking non-stop. As for my job - we're a company of about 100 people, and I am one of the senior managers. I've never seen anyone fired for attending AA, but I have seen several people fired for exposing their flaws. It's tough because I interact with the owner and the VP daily, and they have no idea. I'm good about hiding it.

Hello, Zad. Welcome to SR :)

It's day 1 for me too.

I've just finished my worse binge yet... 420cl of whisky. For some insane moment, I upped it by 140cl. I feel so mentally unstable (not suicidal) just very... I can't even explain it. Here at SR is the only thing that I know that encourages me to stay sober; all the wonderful advice and people's stories that I can relate to and know for sure - I'm not alone in what seems like an impossible struggle. I just have to keep coming back until I'm fixed. I sincerely hope that you can do the same :)

Welcome to SR zad - you found a great place for support and encouragement.

You don't have to continue on that way - I'm very glad you found us. I drank non-stop in the end, literally - even at work. It was hell. When I came to SR I felt instantly relieved to be able to tell my story, knowing others would understand. I hope you'll find the help you're looking for by being here.

Hey Stimmed

I know what you mean about being unstable. I am definitely on an emotional roller coaster. I have highs and lows daily. I'm really hoping I can lean on this site for support. Best of luck to you too.

Thanks Hevyn. I've got the shakes so bad today sitting at my desk I swear people must notice. I literally can't concentrate on anything. I've drank so much for so long I'm really looking forward to a new kind of life. Stopping for a day or two won't be impossible for me. I've done it before. I just need to find a way to not go back...

A slightly different perspective....

Someone who starts a successful recovery is likely to improve their performance at work. So a company would fire someone as valued as a senior manager whose work performance improves because..... ?

:) Welcome.

I understand your point. In a normal world that would make sense! Unfortunately I work with some pretty strange people. They would be offended that I was hiding something from them. Our GM has only had a couple drinks in his whole life, and doesn't understand people who have substance abuse issues.

Welcome Zad83. You will find lots of great support and advice here. SR has been instrumental in my recovery. You have made a great first step in deciding you want to stop drinking. Do you have family / friends you can rely on for support?. I found a plan of action was essential for me to get sober. Wishing you well.

Thanks Hayley. I haven't planned much out, I woke up this morning with a weekend full of regrets feeling like hell and managed to find myself here. Unfortunately my friends and family drink. It's tough finding support, especially in a small town.

Hi Zad.

It's never a bad time to stop. I'll caution you, as I do with everyone in your position, that it's very difficult to do this on our own. Coming here and sharing your concerns is a good start. I hope this works for you. You may also find that you need additional support to stay sober, as is true for many of us.

Based on your "small town" comment, I don't know what's available or safe for you where you live, but I encourage to find support.

Hello zad. I will tell you I was very open about getting into recovery when I first started back in April. When I picked up pot 64 days later, still don't remember why, I had to try explaining to a few people why I was picking back up.

Anyway, I remember doing that, except with pot. If I'd be home alone, just pack a big fat bowl, get a smile on my face and goof off then nap or something. Get up take some more hits hit the resin if there was no plant material left.

I was bad at hiding my smoking like I was bad at hiding my recovery. As a matter of fact, I wanted everyone to know when I was smoking, I'd pretty much announce it, like "Woo I'm a little stoned" to my grandmother lol. I liked having the chance to defend my habit. But in that way my Gma and my Aunt helped me get in touch with recovery and quit.

If I had to be hush-hush about it that might be rough. Because speaking to someone in person helps a lot. Get a good head start on this site and see if you can park in a corner of the parking lot at a night meeting. Say you're going to check out a gym. You'll already be sober all you need to do is ask for a meeting list and numbers when you introduce yourself.

Well that's all I got. Hope it helps. I'm on day 7 back. Using the forums has made such a difference.:thanks

Zad,

Just be aware that when quiting sometimes people(and I know I did) go through insomnia.I went 48 hrs with no sleep.Also night sweats.
And this had happened whenever I've fallen for a long time.
Hopefully you wont go through it.
But,it's not uncommon.

But,it is well worth going through to beat alcoholism.And things eased up after a few days.

I also work in a company that interaction with higher ups is a daily thing sometimes.
It's easier to explain away insomnia,mind racing about things than a hangover.

I get what you're saying that it's really tough on your own. I live in a small town in the middle of Ohio where everyone is tied to everyone. The more I think about it, I think my biggest concern with people knowing is that means they will know if I fail too... Right now nobody knows anything. I've stopped for a couple days a couple of different times, but I always turn back sooner or later... I'm scared to fail...

Thanks for sharing. I have found this site to be helpful just hearing about so many people going through similar situations. I would like to reach out to someone the more I think about it. I do think it would help... Best of luck to you too.

Well I've been sweating booze all day, so I wouldn't expect it to stop now! I'm just worried my ride on the wagon won't be a permanent one, or even a long one. As soon as I sober up I don't feel as bad about the drinking anymore... I actually have insomnia from the drinking. I haven't slept well my entire life actually...

I really appreciate your support.

Hey Zad, 4+ months ago I was where you are, lying and hiding my drinking from my husband ( he works away in the week so plenty of time for secret supping) working through a drunken haze or hangover, hating myself in the morning mirror, picking up that bottle at the shop on the way home. Years and years. First denial. ( I wasn't in the gutter or pouring vodka on my cereal ergo I am not an alkie) the self loathing at my inability to last longer than a week or so sober. Coming here, climbing on the wagon, but still planning to drink in some unspecified future, falling off the wagon, coming back here, to all the support, advise and help I could ask. I told hubby, needed to make myself accountable and that was the only way, brutal honesty. Getting there now, slowly. If you can't go to meetings, there are meetings on line, there is AVRT, some really good links here to sober tools. You have a nineteen years start on me, lor, I wish I had come to my senses at 30!
Good luck my friend