Ultimatum
 

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum. This past week I have been reading some of the threads on here, and I found a lot of helpful and insightful information. It is nice to know I am not alone.

To offer some insight on my situation... I have been married to my AH for 3 years now. I am from Europe and relocated here for him. His disease started developing slowly after we got married, he comes from a family with many generations of alcoholics. It took him two years to finally admit that he has a problem. However after that he stopped drinking in front of me, and started sneaking it. This past year has been the worst. It started last year with a DUI, after which I was like thank god this must be rock bottom. But boy was I wrong. After this he went to a few AA meetings, but never stuck with it. The past month and a half he has been trying to get into an outpatient program. The requirement is that he remains sober for 72 hours before entering the program, and he is never able to make it. Every weekend I'm living in false hope, and fear thinking this Monday will the one he makes it in. He absolutely refuses to do inpatient because of the industry he works in. He believes he would be fired. Anways I have told him for the tenth time last week that if he does not make it in this Monday I would move to his mom's ( who lives 800miles away from us). His mom and I came up with this plan right after his DUI last year. But I have never been able to carry it out because of school, work, or I guess my own denial. I really do feel like I'm more ready, and I know I must since that was our agreement. I was just hoping if someone out here could give me advice on how to deal with this horrible pain. I feel like I would be abandoning him, I am scared of what will happen if he still does not get sober. I am not ready to leave this marriage. But I do feel like I need a break from this insanity and put myself back together. I also attended my first two Al Anon meetings this weekend. This move means I have to leave behind my job (which is just a nanny job, however my only income). I am just scared out of my mind! Would love some advice...

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this and while I can't offer advice, I can offer my thoughts and prayers <3

Hi cw.

See my comment on Married to Narcissistic Alcoholic.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4105450

My question is that if you do move to his mothers and he still keeps drinking, how long are you willing to stay away? I wish you strength.

Thanks for the responses...

I realize that I too am ill, and there may be some rooted issues within myself as to why I would stay with my husband. This is why I feel even more the need to just take a break, work on myself for a while and regroup. As far as how long I would move away... I am a full time student, I just switched all my in person classes to online classes for the fall semester which starts in two weeks. This gives me the opportunity to study from anywhere, so it could be for a month or for the whole semester. I am just so confused about wether I am running away from my problems, or if a break from each other could be good for both of us...

Thanks for reading my post and for the support.

Cluelesswife, please make sure and maintain your life first. Truth of the matter is, typically an alcoholic isn't going to care if you are there or not. I am so sorry you are going through this and wish you the best of luck. Rootin for ya. :egypt: