Darby85

Worst part for me is the lying it's just not in my nature but I keep doing it the guilt causes anxiety that causes stress but here I am in a cycle

raku

all good advice here Darby ! I think we all feel the stigma, but one has to move beyond
that to get well ! Ask for help ! I have trouble with that one too, but we need each other
Love & Light

Sobersunshine

Welcome! I'm an alcoholic, and when I was drinking I was so ashamed and so scared someone would find out how bad I was and how much I was drinking. I finally got honest with my doctor, quit drinking, and started attending AA. It wasn't easy but soooo worth it.
I recommend talking to some sort of medical professional--don't worry, they've heard it all and their job is to help you, not judge. And look into NA or CA (cocaine anonymous--but it's for any addictive substance, I went to a meeting last night). And stay here with SR, it is an amazing site for support.

Darby85

Thank you all so much for making me feel welcome and allowing me to discuss my problems

cleaninLI

Very true Darby, you are caught up in the cycle of addiction. How is your relationship with your parents ? Is it a strong one? Do you think that you could talk to them about your problems with painkillers? It really helps to have your family support when you are trying to get better. They might know of a program or a addiction specialist that you could talk to and help you. I know your family would be angry at first; but do you think they would be forgiving and understanding?

cleaninLI

Darby when we are addicted to something, the addiction changes who we really are and makes us do things that we normally wouldn't do. The best way is to talk to an addiction specialist or join a program like NA.

Darby85

My relationship with my family is complicated to say the least and yes they would be angry and stay that way. I can't confide in them. But yes I do think finding a program will help I just have to get the courage to go! And yes I've become something I never thought possible

cleaninLI

I see, that's ok, I understand, things are not always ideal with parents and other family members. You can still get help for yourself. When was the last time you took one? Are you withdrawaling?

Darby85

Physically not really I last used this morning. I don't really ever have major withdrawals because I often go a while before I can get any

raku

sometimes courage is only one small step in the right direction. keep working on it !
(you've already made a good start here !)

Darby85

I always tell myself ill quit after this or ill quit and then the opportunity strikes and I can say no! I was sober for a month but the mental aspect was to much for me so I cved

cleaninLI

Ok, that's good, at least you are not in pain right now. The problem with painkillers is that we build up a tolerance to them. The more we take the more we need, to get that same "high" feeling. We take more and more until finally we don't even feel that "high" anymore. We take them just to feel normal. Just think how much lying and steeling we have to do then to continue using them. Also, this cycle I'm talking about, can happen pretty quick. I'm not talking about years. I'm talking about months. That is why it is a journey that will take you down really fast!

Darby85

I know and yes I haven't ever been on them at any one time long enough to feel real intense withdrawals but the Tolerance thing is true hence why I take so many I get sick!

cleaninLI

Yes, you are right! We tell ourselves we will quit tomorrow or we will take less and save them for a fun time, but it never happens. As long as we have them, we will take them until they are all gone. Then we have to find more.

Darby85

Yes OMG yes this sounds awful but it's so nice to have someone that knows how it is. I can't save them no matter how hard I try I can't take just one! It's vicious the way it over comes

cleaninLI

That's when we steel them, if we see them in someone's house. We cannot resist the temptation. Or we go to Dr and lie about falling on our back or some other injury so that the Dr. will prescribe them to us.

cleaninLI

I told you, you were not alone in this. Lol sorry I keep losing Internet for some reason. That's why it is taking me sooooo looooong to respond.

Darby85

That's all so true! And it's ok. I'm just happy having someone who understands

cleaninLI

Wow, I just told my landlady to reboot the system. I hope it works right now! How long have you been on this oppiate roller coaster?

neferkamichael

Darby, to SR. I believe your secret is safe here and perhaps talking about your addiction my help you to overcome it. Rootin for ya.