i can almost feel like
 

I am losing my mind at this point. I was here, so proud, didn't post much and was sober for about 6 weeks.

Then with work I drank once at dinner and it exploded... I think I have been drunk at this point for about 3 weeks.

I had no idea it was this bad until today, when I had a random moment of clarity.

I am back in trouble, I guess, and I know I am going to want to drink just to feel better.

As far as losing my mind, I meant I just completely lied to everyone these past week to everyone about why I have been so sick. It's sick and I feel so bad........like I want to never talk to them again because I have created such a damn lie world.

I feel like I don't know left from right anymore. anyway, that is my stupid same old newbie rant

even this post made a difference. I am here again and am crying because I feel so damn **** weak. ahh

Chalk it up as a learning experience, and one most of us have to learn the hard way (like everything else apparently). You now know that no amount of time will ever make you the type who can have just one. You will always be an alcoholic and the only way to live right, is to just remove alcohol as something in your life. You cant have it, not now, not ever. Its not that bad once you accept that is the way it is. One drink will always bring you right back to where you are now, whether it be in 6 weeks or 6 years from now. Always remember that and you will do well in recovery. The only way to learn this is to try and fail, which is something I think we have all done. Dont beat yourself up, get back on the horse with your new knowledge and try again.

You're not weak if you're here and fighting. Be proud of yourself for coming back.

You must never give up on yourself and your addiction.

hey corockies :)
you're not weak just addicted...there's a difference :)

use SR as much as you need to - we're here for support, not humiliation :)
D

it's not a learning experience cause I am not learning, it's dumb. I have moved around my whole life for work. I finally tried to settle.

I am so sad, lonely, and out of control. I just want to have someone (who I don't screw it up with) to yell at me and just make me change my stupid farking behavior. I know it is stupid. I tell it to myself everyday once I am at work feeling like absolute crap, everyday.

I don't have anyone to do that anymore. I feel alone, scared, dumb, guilty and out of control and like constantly feel like ****. I feel like I am a hurricane in everyone's life, even in my ridiculous relationship that I know wouldn't be there without drinking.

I know and always have been getting through life like this. this, right now, feels so fing different. I think it has gotten really bad, I am not sure. I really hope this is the cue that helps me. I don't cry and I am crying as I type this for some random reason.

this makes me feel pathetic and no matter what anyone tells me, it is.

Hardly any of us get it right the first time. Keep trying. You can't change the last few weeks, but you can change this moment right now. Stop drinking now and you'll feel a lot better soon. You can do it.

I know. and this is how it will work, I'll stop drinking tonight cause I want to impress people here tomorrow and go to bed finally because you said that was best.

Then, tomorrow morning, i'll feel so sick and i'll convince myself a few beers will be fine to make me feel not incredibly terrible. Then, I get them, and 3 weeks later, I am doing the same damn thing.

I am not patronizing, that is literally how it will happen.

Sober up my friend...you've done it before...and can do it again...

Pulling for you...all of SR have your back....

may good health be swift...

you may be physically weak because of the effects of alcohol

dehydration malnourishment

but you are a very strong person mentally and spiritually

...I really believe that...

You are strong with all of the support people are giving you

I am really trying dude. I need someone to yell at me consistently to actually get me out of my dumb little world, which has always worked....which is melting down for me mentally for some reason........maybe I am so tired of it.....

I wish everyone here would be negative at me if that makes sense. Or, someone in general.

I moved to Denver, the place I always wanted to be.

I never did any of this. in the past two weeks:
drank at work
drove crazy drunk a lot
made up some sickness as an excuse

and I haven't thought a damn thing because I am still getting stuff done. my relationship life is so messed up.

I am messed up, dude. I have no connections with god, never have.

I am so so sadly and lonely and I am not like that, and I chose it. I am choosing this. And I think it won't stop ever. Drinking is my persona now because it has been for so long. I would be lost otherwise. I think I am a gonner with it honestly. I don't think I will change ever. /rant

Don't beat yourself up too much, it happens to most of us at some point! Stay strong!

"Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness."

seriously how I feel. I know a billion people have been through it......and there are 100's of here that started this same thread. Selfish, stupid is me right now.