trikyriky

Hi friend , thinking of you this morning

I've found the addictive voice to be very tricky , manipulative

It'll come in sneakily , thru the back door if I don't watch

It could be a day , maybe two setting me up for a relapse

The row with your husband gave you reason to drink or was you looking for a row so that you could drink

Something to think about

That AV, you gotta try to see it coming . Its hard but we can

With respect

Tr

GroundhogDay

You DO deserve a sober, happy life. Tell that to your AV next time. No worries on the relapse. We all deserve to forgive ourselves, learn from it, and move on.

tomsteve

"there were huge red flags i should have heeded."

when i read statements like this, they remind me I don't believe in relapse. its premeditated.

screw what others are doin and focus on fixin you. that's where the problem is.

ippochick

riky and tomsteve - you are absolutely right. i had given myself permission to slip. that's why i know i need to do something different. i was going to the pub and only having soft drinks but all the while it was feeding my resentment.

i can do this, i know i can. but i know i need to make fundamental changes.

Nuudawn

This part of your post hit me the hardest. I mean I do understand you are disappointed in yourself Ippo..but don't include shame from the collective because it just ain't there! Although I hate the ole "relapse is part of recovery" saying..the only reason I do is because what my warped little addictive mine can twist that into. I think someone here said something like "it's a get out of jail free" card. The thing is....you might not make it back out of jail. THAT's what is so horrific about relapse...what it does to the psyche..the abuse we then level on ourselves...the shame...that is the dark abyss that is difficult to climb out of (are you out of it yet Acheleus??). Whilst we wallow in shame and self loathing and regret...our addiction looms ever nearer offering remedy to our own self abuse. It's a hideous cycle really.

People slip..and their sobriety survives. And I mean that in the broadest sense therefore not to be confused with day counts and back to zero etc etc. In my mind, those 45 days are very much part of your sobriety and huge groundwork you earned. Yes, you lost some momentum and you have to get back up from a fallen position..but you can regain some lost ground very very quickly BECAUSE of those 45 days. To me, those that slip and get back up and still manage to win the damn race have an extra special sumthin sumthin : )

And you my dear, brilliant witty Ippo..have that little sumthin, sumthin.

And hmmm..the people drinking in your group? I'm thinking they are part of a "harm reduction" theory application? I don't think the two should be mixed in any circumstance. Whomever mixed the two might want to rethink the wisdom there. People should be with people they resonate with in recovery. My two pennies...

Acheleus

My relapse has made me very solemn. Today I understand I have to calm down and be good to myself, my drinking is only self-abuse now, and that is all it is. So, what I do know is I have to redouble my efforts, push myself to grow, and stay away from the bars. When I last drank I remember not caring about myself or anything else. Sobriety is the only option I have left for a normal life. I blacked out when I first started drinking at 15, and I know I have been an alcoholic since I was 18. I drank because I did not want to live. Drinking again is not an option for me because I will die, so today is only day 3 and it sucks, but I know I am in control of what I do sober, and I drank when I was sober. If I have to move from my town and check into a treatment center I will do that. If I have to go live in a monastery I will do that. Alcohol is too prevalent in our culture and it costs so much--the domestic violence, murders, suicides, crime, etc. No Nuudawn, I am not out of the shame abyss yet, maybe in a few weeks. This **** is serious, and relapse is notan option. I have to stay sober to stay alive.

ippochick

i'm definitely checking in with one of the group leaders when we're back from holiday. my keyworker in the alcohol team said the group was for abstinent clients. i need to understand if there is a different option, as hearing others talk about how they drank over their limit and being told it's ok is obviously a mindset i can't allow myself to subscribe to.

maybe it's AA for me, with support from my keyworker and mental health team. i need to do something. during our 'debrief' on friday, my husband pointed out that i haven't been active at all - barely leaving the house on days with no appointments to meet. my psych nurse mentioned setting me up with a support worker to try and fill my days a little and get me feeling better generally.

and once more, SR comes through for me. support, tough love, encouragement. you guys are amazing.

Junegirl

Great to have you back, my dear classmate! We're back on the saddle again.

June

CAPTAINZING2000

chapter 5 from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.


Remember that you are dealing with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for you. But there is One who has all power - That One is God. You must find Him now!

If, the idea of a God seems foreign to you, believe in the power of the group that, they believe. Until, I was able to redirect my life to God's care an protection, I wasn't able to stop my drinking.

relapse is not an option for me today, I've burned up all my bridges and I don't know if, I have another chance at this gift of sobriety today

visch1

Hi. Hang in there and utilize what you learned during your sober period and perhaps use this slip for a remember when so it's not repeated. Years before the internet was a word I needed help and joined AA and have been active since. If we work it, it will save our butts as it has for millions around the world.
BE WELL

CAPTAINZING2000

Can't speak for others on here but, my last drunk an the pain I felt is just as fresh today as it was years back