Black Bird

Oh boy. Well I threw away a 2 1/2 month sober. I was feeling so good, no depression, no tears, no guilt. And poof! I took that first drink and it has been over 2 weeks of hell! My husbandis so disappointed in me. I was so drunk when he got home last night. I don'teven remember what I said to him. All I know is he said something that made me irate and I am sure I said some horrible things.
I am dreading for him to wake up. He does not deserve this and neither do I.
What did I learn...I am truly an Alcoholic. One drink for me will ruin my life. And the life of others. I talk too much crap and do only the bare mminimum.
Well, what I am going to do now is go to a meeting today, call my Sponser, and pray.
Thanks for being here

mecanix

Today seems a good day to give up all that stress and worry caused by drink

I felt so relieved when i realized i need never go though it again if i didn't want to .

Good luck Black Bird

Bestwishes, m

GracieLou

All you can do is get back on the horse. Good on you for stopping and reaching out to AA and your sponsor. I did not do that the first go and I wasted many more years.

For me it is the same, one drink is one to many.

ImperfectlyMe

I remember laying next to my sleeping husband dreading his awakening. Knowing there had been a doozy of an argument the night before, but not being able to piece it all together. It's a terrible way to wake up!!! I'm glad you are ready to do this! We are all here for you!

least

Get back up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward again. You can do this!

GroundhogDay

Feeling good can be just as scary as feeling bad. Glad you know now that you can't drink again. Just brush it off as a lesson learned and resolve never to try that again. Your body had 2.5 months to recover before your two-week bender--better than nothing.

Black Bird

Thanks so much everyone. I don't know, maybe this was a blessing in disguise. The first time I quit I knew it was hell and I knew it effected my loved ones. But they left me alone I guess. Now having those days sober and seeing the remarkable transformation, this relaps seems worse than my years of drinking. I guess that's good in a way. I do feel tremendous guilt right now. I know not drinking will take that away. Thanks for listening.

LadyBlue0527

I'm so glad that you posted this morning Black Bird, that's so important that you stay close here. None of us are perfect, the key is to keep on trying. It's so hard to take that final step that you can't drink and be really honest with yourself about it. It sounds like you're there.

I remember that the only gauge I had about how bad the prior evening went was if my husband responded to me when I came down the stairs after dragging my sorry butt out of bed. He'd be sitting at his computer. Typically I'd say "Good Morning Honey" and he'd say it back. If I was drinking the evening before I would tone it down to "Good Morning" and it was more two words to solicit a response that was going to tell me how bad it was. If there was silence I knew it wasn't good. It was awful spending the day trying to remember what had happened. Chalk it up to another night of me being an a**. I would wait quite some time and ask and the response would be "You don't remember?". He already knew I didn't, he was just making the point to me that once again, I had been blacked out and had been verbally abusive to him. I know how you're feeling today.

Today is a new day and you're doing what you need to do. You are in my prayers today.

wakko

I did not do drinking situations for the first year and a half. Whenever I did battle with alcohol alcohol, kicked the crap outta me so I surrendered and joined the winning side of sobriety by not going to anywhere that alcohol was present.

I have found that sobriety is a lifestyle not a diet. There are sacrifices that need to be made but the gifts of recovery makeup for them tenfold

Black Bird

Thank you so much LadyBlue. That brought tears to my eyes. I just want to scream to him, "I am not that person, please believe me!" And I think what hurts the most is he knows that and does believe it. Good God, this is a horrible feeling. All I can do is hope for his forgiveness and not drink. Thanks again.

Black Bird

You are right Wakko. I am supposed to be going to a big fair today with family and freinds who drink. Along with my alcoholic mother. I will be in a meeting instead. I have to take this seriously. Thanks

visch1

Hi. I don't consider 2 1/2 months sober wasted as it is an excellent period to aim for again. You showed the that if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN. Keep coming is the biggie that showed me the light as opposed to choking on my vomit heading for the locked down ward at a mental institution and believing I'm OK. I think we need to see in person the horrible results continued drinking results in. Experience is a make believer and having a wife who is a Hospice nurse is a reminder for me who sometimes has short term memory lapses. I know that we can't scare an alcoholic into being sober and some find the above offensive, TOUGH, it's reality not prettied up for prime time. Your last sentence is That's How it Works! BE WELL

wakko

I had to get some sobriety under my belt before I could do drinking situations. Even today there are places I just plain don't go to even though I am very sad that I can't. I can put nothing in front of my sobriety because my very life depends on not taking that first drink. The only thing that I have to do is stay sober all other choices in life are optional. I have created a very rich fullfilling life that does not include drinking or being in drinking situations and the hard ships that this has caused are minimal but I constantly have to be on the lookout because alcohol is always calling me, telling me, "Oh just go it won't be a problem"