Day 27: struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Day 27: struggling
Today I have been clean/sober for 27 consecutive days. I am really proud of myself and I can't wait to celebrate 30 days in NA, but I feel off balance..
Basically, I am an addict..and now that the drugs are gone I have been looking for anything outside of myself to make me feel "different" or "better", whether it be food, energy drinks/coffee, sex, etc. I just feel like nothings changing, like even though the drugs are gone I still act and feel exactly the same, kindof as if I'm a "dry drunk".
The thought of not having that crutch scares me. Like, I feel like I NEED to do SOMETHING addictivly or I'll just go crazy. But if I don't stop, I may be putting myself at risk for relapse...
I was also considering deleting my account on this online hook-up website, but I don't want to, but I know I should
I know the obvious answer is to just cut the sh*t, but it's hard.
Words of wisdom?
Basically, I am an addict..and now that the drugs are gone I have been looking for anything outside of myself to make me feel "different" or "better", whether it be food, energy drinks/coffee, sex, etc. I just feel like nothings changing, like even though the drugs are gone I still act and feel exactly the same, kindof as if I'm a "dry drunk".
The thought of not having that crutch scares me. Like, I feel like I NEED to do SOMETHING addictivly or I'll just go crazy. But if I don't stop, I may be putting myself at risk for relapse...
I was also considering deleting my account on this online hook-up website, but I don't want to, but I know I should
I know the obvious answer is to just cut the sh*t, but it's hard.
Words of wisdom?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
I think it's good you're aware of the problem Jake.
I was terrified of living life without my crutches too, but that's really the essence of recovery.
I think you need to remember it's only been a month - I think most of us struggled to face life without a net.
That being said, I think you should definitely not be doing anything that's harmful or dangerous to you and the hook ups fall in that category I think.
Spend some time working on you - thats where the answers are, not outside you but within you
Do you have a sponsor? what do they say?
D
I was terrified of living life without my crutches too, but that's really the essence of recovery.
I think you need to remember it's only been a month - I think most of us struggled to face life without a net.
That being said, I think you should definitely not be doing anything that's harmful or dangerous to you and the hook ups fall in that category I think.
Spend some time working on you - thats where the answers are, not outside you but within you
Do you have a sponsor? what do they say?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Jake, I'm glad you posted. I hope that you can learn to sit with yourself and just 'be'. I also hope you get off the 'hook-up' site - it's not going to help you to feel better about yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Do you have a sponsor? what do they say?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
jakec - I'm glad you posted. I'm pretty sure it was more than a month before I wasn't looking for SOMETHING to "scratch that itch". Food, diet sodas, cigarettes, etc.
I also agree that secrets keep us sick, but then again...it took me a while to get honest.
The GOOD news is, you've done GREAT and it WILL get better. I can't give you a timeline, as I've been clean for a while. I can tell you that I thought it would NEVER end, life would NEVER be fun again.
I was wrong
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I also agree that secrets keep us sick, but then again...it took me a while to get honest.
The GOOD news is, you've done GREAT and it WILL get better. I can't give you a timeline, as I've been clean for a while. I can tell you that I thought it would NEVER end, life would NEVER be fun again.
I was wrong
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Of course it's hard Jake - but you're doing great. There's so much to be proud of. For coming here and reaching out in the first place. Then for admitting you're struggling & being honest about your thoughts. 27 days is a huge accomplishment and you've worked hard. It took me more than a month, too - to begin to calm down and feel happy with the new me. Glad you wanted to talk about this.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Jake ,
Sometimes sex can make us feel desired and wanted for a while , sometimes afterwards though i've found it can end up making me feel even more lonely and kinda worthless or empty .
As with a lot of stuff my desire for instant happiness now and the choices i make to acheive that quick fix tend to be counter productive and end up making me more miserable in a slightly longer time frame .
Stick with it
m
Sometimes sex can make us feel desired and wanted for a while , sometimes afterwards though i've found it can end up making me feel even more lonely and kinda worthless or empty .
As with a lot of stuff my desire for instant happiness now and the choices i make to acheive that quick fix tend to be counter productive and end up making me more miserable in a slightly longer time frame .
Stick with it
m
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