Notices

I am an alcholic

Old 08-02-2013, 05:39 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
cascademn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 241
Hi Serenity,
There is most definitely a meeting in the SR Chat Room tonight at 9PM EST. Please feel free to stop by if you feel like it. It's a very warm, welcoming, and safe place, IMHO.
Take Care,
Cas
cascademn is offline  
Old 08-02-2013, 05:59 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Serenity1972's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Thank you all for your support and kind words, although I am not here looking for sympathy....I am feeling very anxious right now. I am too Scared to death that someone from my church will see me and think what a freakin flake. So not my intentions. God again Help me! I hate this feeling and want my clarity back along with my serenity thus my username.
Serenity1972 is offline  
Old 08-02-2013, 06:36 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Serenity1972's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Hi LuLu how did it go? I am so here behind you. So wish I was in front of you...but I have since only realized I have a major freakin issue. I am a freakin drunk and as bad as I want to stop it is hard. But, I am giving it my best. I do believe that my purpose in life is to help others as freakin morbid as it seems. I am white knuckling it so bad right now. I would normally be totally trashed by now on my DOC.
Serenity1972 is offline  
Old 08-03-2013, 07:27 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
MatildaRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by Serenity1972 View Post
Hi LuLu how did it go? I am so here behind you. So wish I was in front of you...but I have since only realized I have a major freakin issue. I am a freakin drunk and as bad as I want to stop it is hard. But, I am giving it my best. I do believe that my purpose in life is to help others as freakin morbid as it seems. I am white knuckling it so bad right now. I would normally be totally trashed by now on my DOC.
One thing that has really helped me is to make a "Tool box" of other things that make me feel good. I put my favorite music, movies, candy, fragrances, family photos...etc. I go to that and find something small but meaningful to me. This somehow helps change my channel and get me off the alcohol channel.
MatildaRose is offline  
Old 08-03-2013, 09:35 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Nothing is impossible!
 
Nighthawk8820's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Serenity1972 View Post
Hello All. I am a functioning alcoholic at the moment but I don't know how long that will last. I have been binge drinking for the past 8 plus years. I started my drinking career late in life when my mother passed away when I was 32. My father was an alcoholic and committed suicide when I was 27 years old. I am now 40. Life was hard growing up seeing my father always drunk after work but still providing for his family. I was very angry growing up watching my father bully my mother and letting the booze take over his family. But, I managed without drinking.

I swore up and down that I would never turn up like him and would be a better person. Well here I am a full blown alcoholic at the age of 40. I began my drinking career when my mother passed away 5 years after my father committed suicide. It started when I was 32. I guess I have always had alcoholic tendencies but never realized them until later in life when all the trauma hit. I really hate myself right now. I don't like who I have become. I used to be such a strong moral person and now I just empty my sorrows in a bottle. My DOC is Vodka. I have a wonderful husband who I have been with since I was 15 years old. He is so supportive but doesn't see my drinking as a problem since I don't drink on a daily basis. He really doesn't get it. I have told him time and time again that I am an alcoholic and he denies it by saying well you don't drink everyday or get the shakes so you are fine. God help him and me.

Yes, I have been to AA meetings and I just didn't get the warm feeling I thought I would get or support. I did have a sponsor, but once she moved away I stopped going to my meetings. I did pretty well moderating my drinking until about a year ago. I know I am out of control and I need help. I guess I just wanted to post this so I can be more accountable for my actions. I don't want to die. I have a son who is 23 years old and I don't want him to fall into the same shame and despair that I have since losing both my parents. I didn't drink at all until all the trauma occurred in my life and I don't want my son to turn up like me. Going to your parents grave so early in life and turning to a the bottle to numb the pain. This isn't not the life I intended to live, nor do I want this for my family.

I am just happy that I have found this site. My story is so much more in depth but I can muster the courage right now to go through it all. It will just make me want to pick up a drink. Something that I know I should not do and never should do again as I am powerless over it. I know my faults, I just need some type of accountability and someone who understand to get through this. I do really want to stop. Today is my trigger day though. It is Friday after all which usually means drinking after work and all weekend long until Sunday afternoon when I can recoup and show back up to work on Monday. Nobody but my husband knows the extent of my drinking. Everyone I work with thinks I have it all together. I work hard at it, but I am tired. I just want it all to end.

This life really sucks and this disease is progressive. I am just so down and out right now. Thanks for listening.
Isnt it funny? We spend so much energy trying not to be like our parents and then end up here. Well, you can break the cycle now and change the rest of your life, and it is a life changer when you get sober. The way you feel is not permanent nor is it how you have to live. If you make good choices today, those choices effect your future. Congrats on finding this site and I wish you the best in recovery. everything you need to change and grow is already inside you, and what you dont possess, you can ask others for on this site.
Nighthawk8820 is offline  
Old 08-03-2013, 12:15 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
Originally Posted by Serenity1972 View Post
Hi LuLu how did it go? I am so here behind you. So wish I was in front of you...but I have since only realized I have a major freakin issue. I am a freakin drunk and as bad as I want to stop it is hard. But, I am giving it my best. I do believe that my purpose in life is to help others as freakin morbid as it seems. I am white knuckling it so bad right now. I would normally be totally trashed by now on my DOC.
Hi Serenity, hope you are doing well. I really enjoyed the meeting I went to last night. Completely different vibe than the other meetings and the people were very welcoming. I actually talked in our discussion group. Was invited out for fellowship afterwards but I took a pass, one step at a time LOL. So, I drove past all those stores and did not drink last night...on day 14. Thanks for asking!
LuLu13 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:22 AM.