struggling with not wanting to be abstinent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 9
struggling with not wanting to be abstinent
OK, my drug of choice is food, and I am an addict. I need to get abstinent (sticking to a food plan and abstaining from problem foods) for serious health reasons, but I don't want to be abstinent. I want what I want when I want it.
I hate this. My thinking is so nutty and sick. Only an addict would want to continue doing something that will lead to harm. This is so painful.
Does anyone have any thoughts on an addict recognizing their addiction, but not wanting to stop? What's a good next step in this situation? Thoughts from all addicts are welcome. The substance may be different, mental distortions are the same. I need help.
PS: I'm an OA member in relapse. That program has been the only thing that worked for me. I've been listening to recordings from meetings and conventions, but I'm having a hard time making calls and going to meetings.
I hate this. My thinking is so nutty and sick. Only an addict would want to continue doing something that will lead to harm. This is so painful.
Does anyone have any thoughts on an addict recognizing their addiction, but not wanting to stop? What's a good next step in this situation? Thoughts from all addicts are welcome. The substance may be different, mental distortions are the same. I need help.
PS: I'm an OA member in relapse. That program has been the only thing that worked for me. I've been listening to recordings from meetings and conventions, but I'm having a hard time making calls and going to meetings.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 71
Hi Birdbird. My thing is alcohol, although I've had my share of food issues in my life, from a brush with anorexia to bulimia and binge eating. When it comes to eating healthy for me, I have to be healthy in every other aspect. If I'm not getting to the gym, or I'm out partying too much, I fall into a pretty bad routine with food. I also eat when I'm bored/ depressed.
But as far as my alcohol problem goes, I think my mental distortion comes out of never wanting to be left out. I always want to go out with people after work, or my friends when they want to go out. The thing is, I take it way to far, drink too much, get too loud and act that way too often. I have friends who once in a while drink too much and feel lousy the next day. Almost every time I drink, I drink way too much and feel lousy the next day.
I don't have much advice being back to day one of not drinking, but I guess staying busy (with healthy things, like work, school, exercise, meditation, whatever) is what helps me stay focused. Of course, it's the getting focused that I am working on now.
Good luck!
But as far as my alcohol problem goes, I think my mental distortion comes out of never wanting to be left out. I always want to go out with people after work, or my friends when they want to go out. The thing is, I take it way to far, drink too much, get too loud and act that way too often. I have friends who once in a while drink too much and feel lousy the next day. Almost every time I drink, I drink way too much and feel lousy the next day.
I don't have much advice being back to day one of not drinking, but I guess staying busy (with healthy things, like work, school, exercise, meditation, whatever) is what helps me stay focused. Of course, it's the getting focused that I am working on now.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
Hello Birdbird
I can very much relate to this.In the past I have had to stick to a food plan for serious health issues and looking back everytime I was on it I felt great looked great etc so if you can stick to it it is worth it.Once you start the cravings for cetain foods do lessen and once you start to feel better you realise it isn't worth eating the offending foods.
I found eating out on a diet hard work.But these days there are healthier options out there.I didn't drink whilst on my diet I drank sparkling water when out.
I think a good way to start is plan all your meals and each week buy yourself a treat for sticking to it even if it is something small.I am about to start a health kick now and am going sobre.Good luck!
I can very much relate to this.In the past I have had to stick to a food plan for serious health issues and looking back everytime I was on it I felt great looked great etc so if you can stick to it it is worth it.Once you start the cravings for cetain foods do lessen and once you start to feel better you realise it isn't worth eating the offending foods.
I found eating out on a diet hard work.But these days there are healthier options out there.I didn't drink whilst on my diet I drank sparkling water when out.
I think a good way to start is plan all your meals and each week buy yourself a treat for sticking to it even if it is something small.I am about to start a health kick now and am going sobre.Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
P.s to writinghelps
I also think some of my problems stem from not wanting to miss out.It is fear but I guess we have to focus on ourselves /our health if we want to get better.There has been times when I didn't go out much and truthfully I felt much better it was peaceful.
I also think some of my problems stem from not wanting to miss out.It is fear but I guess we have to focus on ourselves /our health if we want to get better.There has been times when I didn't go out much and truthfully I felt much better it was peaceful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 71
I also agree with Breakinscience about cravings getting easier to deal with, with food anyway. Last year when I decided to stop drinking, I also wanted to get healthier. I lost about 20-25 pounds over the last year or so. Lots of that was from drinking, I'm sure, but mostly it was just slowly making better choices. I can't "diet", it just doesn't work because I push back when I feel restricted. Instead I am more of a eat-this-not-that kind of person. Easy stuff at first like a chicken sandwich instead of a cheeseburger and then progressing from there. It took a while, but I have definitely sustained healthier eating habits from it and now I am a more or less healthy eater.
Also, another thing I have to remind myself, is when I do get derailed from whatever, not to let that break me down. So if I drink, or eat poorly or skip the gym for a while, I just need to recognize it, move on and try to figure out how to not let it happen again. I used to get really down on myself for stuff like that, and I still do, but not for as long.
Also, another thing I have to remind myself, is when I do get derailed from whatever, not to let that break me down. So if I drink, or eat poorly or skip the gym for a while, I just need to recognize it, move on and try to figure out how to not let it happen again. I used to get really down on myself for stuff like that, and I still do, but not for as long.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
BirdBird, welcome to SR! There is a looooong thread about exactly this topic, and you can follow a couple of our members from the beginning, from a post almost exactly like yours, to success!
Take a look here at a thread from our Secular Connections forum. Hope you find it helps!http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ge-eating.html
Take a look here at a thread from our Secular Connections forum. Hope you find it helps!http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ge-eating.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 9
Thanks for the responses.
Addiction is so painful. My mind is so f***ed up. I forget when I am in my addiction that my freedom to be drunk with food takes away my freedom to live my life as I would like. I should be running to recovery, not fighting against.
Like other addicts, willpower is not my problem. I have extreme amounts of willpower in other areas of my life. Like other addicts, when I focus on my substance of choice, my work and relationships suffer. I eat so much that I am too tired and sick to work. I stay home and binge eat rather than spend time with friends and family.This is hurting me and people I love. Not to mention the financial cost.
The only things that have helped is working the BB with a sponsor, talking to other food addicts, going to 12 step meetings, etc. I think that I'm afraid to reach out now because I've relapsed. I feel so ashamed of myself and so embarrassed. I've probably gained 30 pounds in the last 9 months. Maybe more. Nothing fits. I've had to buy new clothes in larger sizes twice.
Yeah, writing helps. Putting it all down here where I won't be judged helps too.
I think wanting to fit in is part of why I relapsed (after 6 years). I was dating someone new, and I didn't want to be an addict or have special needs. I feel so embarrassed that I have this problem.
Addiction is so painful. My mind is so f***ed up. I forget when I am in my addiction that my freedom to be drunk with food takes away my freedom to live my life as I would like. I should be running to recovery, not fighting against.
Like other addicts, willpower is not my problem. I have extreme amounts of willpower in other areas of my life. Like other addicts, when I focus on my substance of choice, my work and relationships suffer. I eat so much that I am too tired and sick to work. I stay home and binge eat rather than spend time with friends and family.This is hurting me and people I love. Not to mention the financial cost.
The only things that have helped is working the BB with a sponsor, talking to other food addicts, going to 12 step meetings, etc. I think that I'm afraid to reach out now because I've relapsed. I feel so ashamed of myself and so embarrassed. I've probably gained 30 pounds in the last 9 months. Maybe more. Nothing fits. I've had to buy new clothes in larger sizes twice.
Yeah, writing helps. Putting it all down here where I won't be judged helps too.
I think wanting to fit in is part of why I relapsed (after 6 years). I was dating someone new, and I didn't want to be an addict or have special needs. I feel so embarrassed that I have this problem.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 47
birdbird!
hugs.
Have you tried working the Steps with this issue? It sucks that when we are addicted to something we need to survive...But it IS possible to overcome this.
PM me if you need any support or have any questions!
hugs.
Have you tried working the Steps with this issue? It sucks that when we are addicted to something we need to survive...But it IS possible to overcome this.
PM me if you need any support or have any questions!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 9
Thuggybear, yeah, the steps have been my salvation. I might be in relapse right now, but I can't imagine where I would be without my 6 years of solid recovery in a 12 step program. Those 6 years were the best years of my life.
There is an open AA BBSS meeting tonight that I've been to before. Very strong recovery there. There are also a lot of OA meetings in my area over the weekend. But I don't want to go.
I guess that just another scared addict.
There is an open AA BBSS meeting tonight that I've been to before. Very strong recovery there. There are also a lot of OA meetings in my area over the weekend. But I don't want to go.
I guess that just another scared addict.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Birdbird - I'm an alcoholic but in a general sense I think every addict needs to accept that their addiction is keeping them from being the person they want to be.
We have to train ourselves to look at the long term rather than the immediate, and we need to find new and healthier ways to cope with life.
We need to accept we deserve better than the treatment we've been giving ourselves, sometimes for years.
It's a process I think rather than an event, but you'll get there I'm sure
Have you checked out our eating disorders forum as well?
Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
We have to train ourselves to look at the long term rather than the immediate, and we need to find new and healthier ways to cope with life.
We need to accept we deserve better than the treatment we've been giving ourselves, sometimes for years.
It's a process I think rather than an event, but you'll get there I'm sure
Have you checked out our eating disorders forum as well?
Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Do you have any 'safe' foods Bird? I have always had issues with food but they never got too bad, my main problem was alcohol. Once I'd quit drinking I realised how much food was an issue too though and I began to realise that some foods I would binge on and others which seemed not to cause a problem. For example bread is a problem but rice is fine... When I was a kid I used to starve myself all day and when I got home I would eat one orange and an entire loaf of bread, sometimes more, always intending just to have one slice. It was so much like my response to alcohol. I have started eating a vegan diet now and that has really helped me. It has basically cut out all of the food I was binging on, more or less, and although the diet seems limiting it has actually made me feel more adventurous about food but safe at the same time. It is such a personal issue and we all find different ways of dealing with it, I just thought it might be worth investigating the food as well as the emotions around it x
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Shame is such a huge part of addiction and it's often the part that keeps us hooked. That's what happened to me. The shame kept pulling me back in and I thought I would never get out of the vicious cycle. Have faith that you can make this work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 9
I did go to a meeting yesterday morning, after re-reading this thread. If the best years of my life were when I was abstinent and in a program of recovery, I would be insane not seek that again. I decided that I would rather be happy and peaceful than proud and miserable. (Seems easy, but wasn't.)
I was able to share, so I talked about my relapse and the shame and embarrassment that I felt. I won't say that it was fun, but it did feel cleansing.
I was able to share, so I talked about my relapse and the shame and embarrassment that I felt. I won't say that it was fun, but it did feel cleansing.
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