Black Bird

Hey everyone. I was 2 1/2 months sober and threw it away a few days ago. And here I am again. I go to AA have a Sponser. A friend of mine was found dead yesterday and I'm feeling so bad about it. My husband has had about enough of me. I called my sponser and she told me she was off to a meeting and she would call me later. Is that normal? Or am I just wanting her to focus on me!!! Very confused right now. Told my hubby I was going to a meeting, but I am too late and would be to mortified to walk in late. So, I am at a park just thinking and pretty much feeling sorry for myself. Ugh! Any support would be welcome.

jazzfish

I would go to the meeting. There is no problem going late.

wpainterw

I have walked into a meeting late on a number of occasions. I just said, "Sorry to be late." And that was that. No big deal. The important thing is to show up. If you're an alcoholic there are plenty of other things to be "mortified" about and none of them really worth it. You can't do anything about the past. But you sure can do something about the future.

W.

Anna

I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery.

least

I'm glad you're giving it another go.

ckoures

Go to the meeting. Be late. it's better than not going.

Black Bird

Thanks Anna. Seriously one sip will bring on the hell. There is no way I could walk into a meeting late. I know it's crazy, but I just can not. Wish I had that conviction for taking the first drink. Very insane indeed.

Eleni58

Sorry to hear about your friend's passing! But drinking will make it worse. I understand about not wanting to walk in late. I would be the same way too! Just stay on here and go to a chat room and talk, talk, talk! Remember, positive thoughts = positive results.

Nattythreads

It is crazy BB. I don't know where you are but out here in LA no one could care less whether you're early, late, leave early etc. You're there of your own volition. The important thing is you're there. If AA's your thing, just go. It'll show willingness to your sponsor as well.

Nuudawn

You're sponsor works on her sobriety as well ..and well, perhaps she needed that meeting. Since you had already drank, I guess there wasn't as much urgency. I am really sorry if that sounds harsh. I am sorry for the loss of your friend..I truly am. You are in self pity by your own admission. Been there...wore out the couch ; ) Although there are outstretched hands in sobriety, it is ultimately us who must pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and soldier on in it. You say your husband's had about enough of you?

Have you had about enough of you? You are ultimately the one who has to get fed up with yourself...and change.

Bright blessings to you. Stay with us.

Mizzuno

Why not go late. Showing up is showing up ya know. Its your program, this is not like work where being late can cause problems.
Your sponsor calling you later would be normal when she is going to a meeting herself. I think she will get back to you.

EndGameNYC

Even a few minutes at a meeting is better than hours of agonizing. Knowing what you know, this is now a choice.

LuLu13

Sorry about your friend Black Bird, that is tough but your problems are still there, and magnified, when you drink. You can do this, dust yourself off and give it another go. We are all here if you need to talk.

ImperfectlyMe

Hey blackbird! Welcome back the moms miss you pop in. Sorry for your current struggles here if you need an ear.

sugarbear1

You are choosing not to go to a meeting to save your life......

that is your choice, or not, to make.

I'd get my butt to a meeting and show I am serious about my recovery......

whiskeyman

i have been late many times, sometimes showing up in my PJs.

MatildaRose

Thanks for this post Nuudawn. It was what I needed to hear most today! While others can be a support to me, I must first be willing to stand up and step forward!