ckoures

I wanted to thank you all for your stories and your support. I have gained strength through reading them.

I'm sober and managed to stay that way despite enduring the same trigger that always makes me drink: my husband's callous disregard.

Yesterday marked my 50th birthday. I expected he would at least show some enthusiasm, maybe even offer to take me out to lunch, or celebrate somehow. Of course, because he is who he is, he ignored it, insulted me and didn't speak all night.

Normally, I would have started to drink. It would have numbed what I feel today at least for a few hours.

Today, though, I am sober. I still feel the pain of his actions, but for the first time, I don't feel the associated shame that he obviously wants to pass on to me. Instead, I have some anger and some complete disgust that a person you've lived with for 25 years can be so cruel.

Actually, I'd rather be pissed at him, than pissed at myself over drinking.

So thank you.

visch1

BE WELL

Shelpy

I am so sorry. My boyfriend is the same way. Its heart wrenching. I will pray for you and him. Evil and cruel. I so associate with your pain. I am 34 unmarried and no kids. I thought this was going to be my husband but I just can not see myself 20 years from now having him growl and swear at me and have complete disregard for my feelings. I too, was alone on my birthday (he went on a cruise). When I stopped drinking, second day he went boating and camping with friends. I am not perfect and my drinking was ridiculous but I do not and did not ever deserve this. YOU don't either. He ignored our anniversary- I have got to have faith that all men are not like this. I keep praying he will change, doubtful. Hang in there. Message me if you would like to chat.
S

Eleni58

Kudos to you for not letting your husband trip your trigger! Do you ever consider leaving him?

Mangoes

First of all- happy belated birthday! You have given yourself a wonderful gift in staying sober, despite a trying time with your husband. You should be very proud to have overcome a trigger, especially something that likely feels so personal. What a wonderful moment and way to start your next half- century.

As for your husband - remember that you can only be responsible for yourself, your actions, and your reactions. This is truly a time to look and say "it's not me - its him". I don't want to comment too much, because I don't know the dynamics of your relationship... But I do want to congratulate you for not getting sucked into someone else's drama and staying on your own path. Truly something to feel proud about!

ckoures

Thank you both. It is a good experience to realize, again, I can only control me. Doesn't mean the pain of what I wish he was is any less. But it makes it very clear to me that his failure is not a reflection of who I am. Our family is really good at playing the "blame game". I am preparing to leave him. One child left to go. 18 months. Plenty of time to be sober and save money and be ready to cherish some peace.

Dee74

Regardless of the difficulties, I hope you had a good birthday

D

ckoures

It wasn't bad. It wasn't good.

dragon12

ckoures, Congratulations on your 50th sober birthday! All the best.