MarkTheDay

Hi

Well here we go again. This must be my 1000th time. Everytime I start to feel better I sabotage myself and say "Well I can quit anytime" therefore I guess I am not an alcoholic, then I go on a binge and do nothing for weeks on end

Everything is an excuse to drink, Im tired, bored had a bad day and on and on. I must do this( stop drinking) or I know I will sink into the abyss. Drinking it seems is all I think about. Going for 2-3 days without it and after feeling awfull because of my recent binging is easy, its only when i start to feel relaxed and calm do I crave the high again. It seems when I start any recovery I get negative depressing thoughts and having a drink will make me deal with them. It seems I blow every little problem up until I basically say the hell with it. Some of these are really insignificant problems


I hope the alcohol use is the cause of my thinking problems. There are times I could careless about things i should care about. I sure hope that's the alcohol.

Does prolonged use affect your motivation? I've been drinking hard for 8 years. Even now, talking about this makes me want to drink... I won't



mtd

Lightning Bug

Welcome!!
You may have started day one 999 times, but you are starting again and not quitting. I say that is a success!

jazzfish

A main characteristic of alcoholism is a craving and obsession about drinking. Even though I didn't drink outrageous amounts in the end, I still would think about drinking upon waking and then keep having urges to drink all day. An acceptable excuse to drink could arrive fast enough.

These thoughts do ease with time in sobriety.

needabetterlife

Starting again too. I start off every morning saying "I'm definitely not drinking today then mid afternoon I say "the heck with it I deserve a drink" so as soon as 5 o'clock hits I am on my way....f-ing sick of it. Same pattern over and over!!! Any suggestions would be great, however I don't want to go to AA.

jazzfish

Check out the secular recovery section on this forum. There are many great methods and people willing to help. I think SMART recovery has some great tools on their website. I would recommend doing a cost-benefit analysis of continued drinking versus quitting. It can be real eye-opening to get it down on paper and have a visual image of how the costs and benefits stack up against each other.

needabetterlife

ty jazzfish, I REALLY appreciate the help

least

to SR! You've come to a very supportive place. I hope we can help you stop drinking for good.

MarkTheDay

Thanks-you sound like me

I don't want to go too AA either. It didn't work for me. I am going to try to change my daily work patterns so that I am busy physically. There is also this vitamin therapy that I tried last year that seemed to work but I didn't do it long enough. Its just expensive
I can't remember the name of it but I felt better. You just need to stop it long enough to erase the constant thoughts about drinking... I hope. I think after a while it's mental.. which is what I am now.

mtd

Isaiah

Hey MTD,

A lot changes when you bust the cycle of relapses. Thoughts like "I can quit whenever" and "I need alcohol to cope with..." take on a different light. They start looking like excuses made in addiction to keep using/drinking while believing we have either more or less control over it than we actually do. It's a mindset I think most all of us have gone through or are going through.

Alcohol is a huge motivation killer. It doesn't like to share the floor with other important things in life. It's utterly selfish and jealous.

Take things bit by bit as they come. You can do it.

susasober1

This was me for a very long time! As a matter of fact it was August 1, 2008 when I checked myself into detox at a hospital for the first time. (I knew before that I had a problem) After detox I tried on and off to stay sober (a lot of bad things happened along the way) for almost 4 years...I have now been sober for 15 months!

Like you I would have short periods of Sobriety, starting feeling good and somewhat productive again and then bam! I would find a reason to start drinking again. I drank for days at a time and got nothing done during that time. When I stopped (for another brief sobriety period) it was hell "coming down"...finally I just had enough...I walked across the street to a nearby church at 3am (couldn't sleep) said a prayer and I have been sober since. I'm not saying it was the prayer that worked...it was just some sort of miracle.

Once you have faced that you have a problem...a miracle can happen to you too! Keep us posted!

mecanix

When i said "the heck with it , despite all this stuff i'm not going to drink" i think i turned a corner .

Bestwishes, m

Mangoes

I spent my first few weeks just thinking - I mean really THINKING- about what I was trying to accomplish with my drinking. Was I lonely? Bored? Hungry? What time was I likely to open a bottle? Why? Then- I set about planning for those things. I don't let myself get hungry, tired or thirsty. When my "bottle o'clock" rounded, I was ready with a bunch of tempting beverages - grapefruit soda, coffee with flavouring, a frozen smoothie bar. I found that strong tastes helped me more than just having a glass of water. If that didn't settle it, I'd get out of dodge for a few minutes for a walk.
For me, the alcohol is just a tool to feel better, so in order to recover, I had to start figuring out why I was so uneasy in spirit before I could coming up with a way to stop. I had to be very honest with myself about why it was easier to open a bottle than face my feelings.
And alcohol is a depressant, so of course it will tear away your motivation. On top of that, your sleep cycles get messed up, even if you think you're sleeping. It can be hard for your body to recovery daily from that, not to mention your mental state.

pinkdog

Hi Mark and welcome. Absolutely alcohol use effects your motivation. Alcohol is a depressant. It's hard to tell when drinking regularly because your body is craving it. When you get away from it, the fog lifts and you get alot more energy. Everything you are saying, I said to myself also. The further you get away from the alcohol, the more improvement you will see. Best wishes to you. Come to this site. It is very helpful.

escapist

When I stopped I did not believe I could do it. I found SR. I made it through a day. I could not believe it. So I just kept testing myself. It has been 8 and a half months of testing. I still cant believe it. Sometimes I feel like I did that first day, full of joy over my remarkable accomplishment. I take nothing for granted, and I am grateful that I am sober. Such a relief. Everyone should feel this good.

ScottFromWI

You have a recurring pattern in your message above.

I dont' want AA....it didn't work for me
I tried this therapl....I didn't do it long enough

If you really want to kick alcohol for good, you have to find a plan that works for you and commit to it 100%. You might not even like parts of the plan, but you have to change as well. It' doesn't have to be AA, there are plenty of Secular/non 12 step plans, counseling, books, SR, literally a whole spectrum of diffferent methods.

Read a lot here and ask lots of questions...i truly hope you can find a solution you decided to make part of your life and commit to.

bochuck

I'm stopping drinking today Aug 1st also . I just want to like myself again. I just cancelled my trip to Florida. Was suppose to leave tomarrow. Too many old party friends there. Didn't tell them why just made up an excuse. How is your first day going?

Louise82

Welcome, MarkTheDay. I'm really glad you're marking this day as the day you start letting yourself have the life you deserve. I can definitely relate to trying again and again to give up. I'm on day 25 after stopping for what also must be my 1000th time.

The other times I've stopped I've also gotten negative, depressing thoughts and drunk again. I was impatient; I didn't wait for these thoughts to pass and the fog to lift. This time I'm really going to wait for longer and give sobriety a proper chance. I figure that there wouldn't be so many long-term sober people here on SR and in the world in general if sobriety wasn't worth sticking with.

Hevyn

We're rooting for you Mark. We know you can do this. I had hundreds of half-hearted attempts, but the last time was it for me. Glad you posted - congratulations on making this your first day.

Dee74

you can do this MarkTheDay

try not to overthink it - focus on today, then tomorrow...come here when you need the support

D

YoungAndClean

Hey Mark today is Day 2 for me and lets take it easy on ourselves because we are ill people. I also kept trying the same thinking drinking/drugging, half-assing my program of recovery, so here I am. But before even getting here it tooks a couple months of self-loathing, anger, and hopeslessness to even want to have a Day 1.

So your not alone and on a great start, there are plenty of "slippers" who have decades of sobriety now, keep coming back.