casualroom81

Hello all.

I want to stop drinking as much as I do. The reasons are obvious. My health. My career. My relationships.

I find that drinking gets in the way of getting as much work done as I want to. It recently embarrassed me with a friend meeting. It slows me down and tires me quickly at the age of 31. I have never lashed out at anyone, or had health problems. I'm just a usual happy/tired guy when drinking.

I want to slow it down, not give up alcohol all together. I think I can do this, because I have done it days at a time, with not much strain. But I get back into the bad habits at the end of those days, and it just keeps revolving.

So I know I have some control, but I want to keep it steady. If alcohol anonymous is the only way, then so be it. But I have told some friends and family that I am interested in AA, and they say 'ummmm I don't think you have that much of a problem. AA is really for BIG drinkers that have real problems.'

You tell me, if AA sounds like overkill. Is there a program or set of steps that simply reduces the amount I drink? Should I just practice self-control? Or do I need some help here?

Please let me know your experiences. I really want to control this for my girlfriend, my photo business, and my energy/health.

Thanks people, please be respectful about my control. We all need help sometimes.

R

Dee74

Hi and welcome casualroom

I'm not in AA so I'll leave that part of your post to the AA members here.

Controlling my alcohol intake was a mythical beast for me tho.

I could never do it - the thing was I could on the odd occasion - just enough to keep my hopes alive - but never consistently.

I embarrassed myself a lot of times - way more than the times I controlled my drinking, that's for sure.

so...I'm not being a wise guy when I ask this - I'm genuinely interested in your answer:

If you embarrassed yourself recently, what makes you think you can control it in a foolproof way from now on?

what steps are you taking or what changes are you making?

D

Ptcapote

Hi casual, and welcome!

I thought the same way about AA when I was questioning whether I had a serious drinking problem or not. I knew my drinking was getting progressively worse and beginning to interfere in many more aspects of my life than it should but I couldn't accept that I could possibly be "that bad" to need AA.

Well, as others will be along to tell you I am sure...it gets worse quickly. And if you are questioning it, even a little, then the best thing to do is to see if you can stop for awhile. 30 days is recommended.

As for AA, there is absolutely no harm or foul in sitting in a meeting to see if anything resonates with you. Not everyone in there is a "hardcore" alcoholic and many are there with the same questions you have. You don't have to do the steps unless you want to commit to the program. Be forewarned, however, that AA is not set up to help you reduce or control your drinking. It is meant to give you the tools to stop drinking.

I am in AA now and it has been immensely helpful but I started by just going to open meetings (ones where outsiders are welcome and can interact or ask questions if they want) to see what it was about.

My drinking eventually progressed to affect every area of my life but it doesn't have to for you.

There is no shame in checking AA out.

Welcome again and best wishes to you!!

RevivingOphelia

"controlled drinking" would be way more of a struggle than just quitting for me.

also, i never understood the point of having "just a few." i craved a full on drunk--every time. those times where i "only" had a few became fewer and far between. instead, as the years wore on, the amount and frequency i drank increased to the point that brought me to a very dark place.

going without alcohol has been quite a liberating experience. why not give it a try for a few months and see how you feel? the cravings DO lessen with time and you will see how clear and calm a sober life can be.

good luck to you.

Soberpotamus

Good questions. I wonder the same sometimes, about AA. I hear some conflicting opinions and advice about the program. I tried it out for a couple of months, got to step 4 with a sponsor, and finally just felt in my gut it wasn't for me.

My experience is that my cravings inexplicably just stopped when I decided to get sober in April. They are gone. It seems I crossed over some invisible line of acceptance, surrender, spirituality... or something. I really don't know what to call it. But, I do know that I did that internally, and alone, and on my own. Yes, I had outside support... my husband, a 20 day outpatient program, and I continue to see a therapist and do a weekly meeting as follow-up to the outpatient program. But, it seems that I came up against a wall that has been there for years, and just broke right through it.

I've talked to quite a few people about AA... people in AA, sponsors, potential sponsors, people not in AA, etc. The IOP program of course encouraged us all to attend meetings and to work the Steps. The sponsor I got was pretty open-minded except on a few points, and seemed a bit flaky towards the end.

My husband never thought I needed AA. Others have claimed I'm not the right kind of alcoholic for AA... and that is baffling to hear. I was even questioned by members at the meetings if I was a "real" alcoholic, and "one of them"... this really surprised me. The things I heard in IOP were so different than what online people have told me. I was ready and willing to work the steps, in my own way, and that didn't seem to be good enough for them. But I am who I am, and I have to approach it in my own way... if my way isn't good enough for the AA program, then AA apparently isn't for me. I was willing to give it a go. They seemed to have the problem with me. So... I realized, I'm one of those who is better off configuring her own holistic sort of recovery program. And so far, I'm very happy with it.

I've read lots of books, gone to SMART, WFS, AA and other group therapy meetings, practice daily meditation, take vitamins daily on a six month plan to help my brain recover faster, and spend lots of time on SR. So, I feel like it's a full recovery plan, and it works for me.

AA certainly isn't the only way. It is a way. And it is a highly visible and promoted way, especially in rehab and hospitals.

As for controlling your drinking... I'd say let's get real. You're here on a forum for addiction recovery. You are concerned about your drinking and the consequences. That's enough in and of itself to seriously consider giving it up for good, no need for even labeling yourself alcoholic or problem drinker, or whatever.

I tried Moderation Management a few years ago. It didn't work. And I knew early on it didn't work, but I stubbornly kept trying. It seems very, very few problem drinkers can moderate successfully. I think moderation is what normal social drinkers do... and problem drinkers, by definition, struggle with doing it. So, please be honest with yourself about this and go with your gut feeling.

If I'm honest with myself, I have to say I knew I was a problem drinker when I was 20 years old and a sophomore in college.

We all have to try and figure out what is going to work for us, as far as a recovery program. Sober For Good by Anne Fletcher might be a good book for you to read at this point. It was eye-opening for me. It tells how people have gotten and managed to stay sober. Lots of different ways.

Itchy

My grown boys ages 34 & 37 both said "Dad, you don't have a problem, you just need to cut back a little." I drank 30 plus drinks a day every day at that point, starting with scotch in my coffee on waking up to stop the shakes some.

I made the decision to cut back every morning. And would celebrate my success at not putting scotch in my first coffee by putting three shots in my second.

I used everything at my disposal. I just wanted my freedom back. I did a seven day medical detox, and joined here then AA after finding a great little home group with middle class drunks like me. I was so judgmental of myself then and projected that on others. I had my doc read in honestly, my family and a few best friends for support, and counselors at the VA. I didn't admit my alcoholism until the last ten years, and wasn't out of control in my mind until the last two years. Funny but it almost killed me, and I was told I didn't really have a problem by everybody I knew, who drank too.

I was very ill. It took two years just to heal enough to feel normal again. My kids realize now how close I was. No one ever knows, or wants to. So they encourage hiding and minimizing with euphemizing it.

I quit everything but here at SR after three months. AA and counseling were great helps. I just got what I needed and moved on and recovered. Just because I can't ever drink even one alcoholic drink ever is no issue. I do not want to, and do not have any feelings of deprival, only survival.

You came to the right place. Use everything at your disposal then drop what you no longer need. No one ever does too much to recover. But some do not do enough.

AA is always a good place to start because they have been there, and know the local resources you may need to know about.

Do more than enough. Good luck!
Welcome!

EndGameNYC

No, AA isn't the only way. And you will not learn to moderate or control your drinking in AA.

For many years, AA was tailored for the "desperate" alcoholic. The program of recovery was beautifully written as the Big Book Twelve Steps. Nowhere in the AA Big Book does it say that going to meetings will get you sober; nor does it say that newcomers should attend ninety meetings in ninety days. Reading the book and the steps without working the steps is also not suggested for recovery. This scares away a lot of people.

After a time, it was clear that folks who didn't seem as desperate as many who attended AA in the early years could benefit from the program as well. This is how the AA publication Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions originated. It was a concession to both younger and less desperate people struggling with alcohol, but still based on working the Twelve Steps and practicing abstinence.

In the two months I've been here, I've read several hundred comments about moderating/tapering/controlling. I may have missed it, but I've yet to hear from anyone who's been able to moderate successfully over time, with the odd person successfully tapering as a prelude to abstinence.

I doubt any of this will sway you in any particular direction. It seems that most of us had to find out the truth for ourselves, often after exacting a heavy toll on our health, careers, relationships and mental well being.

All I can do here is wish you well in your research.

sugarbear1

If I could control my drinking, I wouldn't need the support from others. I can't.

Read Alcoholics Anonymous, it's free and also online. Private message me for a link.

It talks of us--those who can't control their drinking......

JettBoy

In my experience there is no slowing down or controlling,everyone's put it so well I don't need to elaborate or go on too much,my addiction goes as follows,I get a script of pain pills, the directions say one to two tabs every six hours and I'm eating ten every five minutes,as for booze it's the same thing,I buy a six pack I drink twelve beers. If you are questioning you intake then there's a problem,I've been in and out of recovery for years and I've never seen anyone control anything...best of luck to you...

john44

I remember when I still had some control. I was starting to have problems with my drinking and suffering consequences. I tried AA but didn't think I was that bad. Things progressed to the point that I devastated all aspects of my life and have been hospitalized many times for detox. I have no illusions about control now. I consider myself lucky though, I'm still alive and I'm sober.

FlyerFan

AA is for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking. If you think you can still drink responsibly, try it out for a month or two and see how that goes. Only you can decide if you have a problem or not. Nobody can tell you.

Lightning Bug

Controlled drinking never worked for me. If I couldn't get drunk, there was no point for me to have even one.

AA can help - as long as you have the desire to quit. Try it out, maybe something you hear will resonate.

visch1

In AA I learned that if I wanted to control my drinking it was out of control, so I tried to prove them wrong, I lost. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are NO rules in AA but they have suggestions like "if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN." It seems that it operates a bit differently in different parts of the country, like you got to have a higher power or complete the steps by... I and many say progress not perfection. We come to AA in not the greatest shape many with mental and or emotional problems and need TIME to recover, many in denial and in fear and want to run. All I'll say is life can be wonderful if we let it. BE WELL

doggonecarl

Someone told me when I first joined SR, "If you have to control your drinking, it's already out of control."

I don't know if you've ever even made an attempt at controlling, so I don't know what your success rate is. If you don't have a drinking problem, such as dependence or alcoholism, you should succeed. If you can't, you have a problem.

You then have to decide what you are going to do about it.

It took me 15 years to go from thinking I had a problem to doing something about it. A lot of chaos in those 15 years. Hope you don't waste that much time deciding.

miamifella

Doing it without much strain for days at a time.

Do you hear how sad that sounds? I could stick to my diet for days at a time without much strain. I could be nice to my mother for days at a time without much strain. I could avoid car accidents for days at a time without much strain.

I think the term you are looking for is "binge drinker." Many alcoholics are not daily drinkers but have periodic binges.

jazzfish

My standard was always "can I control my drinking to the point I avoid the negative consequences?" It had nothing to do with the amount I drank, only the consequences.

I never did find the magic formula, even after drinking for 25 years.

I like AA for its supportive fellowship, the accountability, the face-to-face aspect of it, and that it has a clear program to follow. Internet groups are too easy for me to disappear from, but AAers have a remarkable ability to pop up just as you are turning your grocery cart down the beer aisle.

mfanch

AA is an abstinence program, not a moderation program. So unless your desire is to stop drinking, I don't recommend it.

What I *do* know is this: most if not all of us underestimate our drinking problem. I know I did.

Also, alcoholism is progressive. I gets worse, not better. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. Denial (don't.even.no.I.am.lying) usually clouds the issue until things get worse.

Glad you are here. Keep posting!

Grungehead

I agree with the others that if you feel you need to control your drinking, then you are not a "normal" drinker. Normal people don't have to consciously think about controlling their drinking, it happens naturally. I tried to moderate my drinking several times, but I found that moderate drinking defeated the purpose of why I drank, which was to numb the feelings I had. A couple of drinks did not accomplish that. As for AA, you are welcome to attend an Open meeting and see if you can relate to the other people there. Closed meeting are only for people with a Desire to stop drinking (totally).

wpainterw

Casualroom81: The question you pose is a tricky one. Alcoholism is a complex illness. It tends to be progressive. That is it gets worse and worse. Only you can decide (perhaps with a doctor's advice) whether you are an alcoholic (there are checklists for this). If you are an alcoholic then your condition is likely to degenerate and, even though you may think you can "control" the situation the alcohol always ends up controlling you. The AA program is for people who want to give up drinking entirely, not moderate or "control" their drinking.
There is a major risk in waiting to see whether the situation continues to deteriorate rather than making a decision to stop drinking entirely at the stage you are in. The risk is this. If you are an alcoholic and you continue to drink your physiology and neurology change along with your body chemistry, as your body tries to "adapt" to the alcohol, which you find yourself drinking in increasing amounts. As a result of these changes, your brain, particularly the more primitive areas known as the "midbrain" starts to play tricks on what remains of your rational self, sending messages which suggest all sorts of "reasons", really rationalizations, for drinking and for consuming in increasing amounts. This is usually referred to as "denial". The build up of denial makes it increasingly harder to stop. You begin to lose perspective and it may take a major crisis, like jail or killing someone to bring you to your senses. And even that might not do it.
So you can decide right now to quit and try Alcoholics Anonymous (It's not for everyone and there are other alternatives). Or you can take the risk of saying, "I don't think I'm an alcoholic and I'm going to get help (like counseling) in trying to 'moderate'." If you're wrong on this and if you really are an alcoholic, then you incur the risk of increasing denial which may gradually close the door on the possibility of eventual recovery. You may recover but your chances of doing so will diminish over time.

W.

Anna

I think that most of us here tried moderation multiple times before we accepted that it wouldn't work.

As has already been said, if you have to work on controlling your drinking, it's already out of control.

Stopping drinking was liberating for me.