Single and lonely alcoholic
 

Right so I need to share something, put something out there...It's been bugging me for weeks.

I sort of like a guy too much. I've felt so horribly broken recently that all I've thought about is crawling into his arms and hoping the world will go away. I was a bit freaked out that I was developing the wrong sorts of feelings for him, because I'm lonely, and because I'm quitting drink. Anyway, I realised that my feelings where probably inappropriate, so I did something wrong to push him away, I later apologised, he accepted, but that's it, I never did get the chance to know him properly and now he's gone. It makes me sad. This bloke is totally oblivious to this, and I couldn't tell him how I felt cause it seems so wrong.

I've been single for a long time, and it looks like I'm going to be alone for a long time. I mean who is going to want to go out with an alcoholic? I need to find a way to be comfortable with being single but I'm just not sure how to do it. I thought about getting a pet or something, something that I can care for, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

I've been filling the huge void with booze and now I can't do that. I just feel so alone and empty.

I just wanted to get something out there, to try to let this go somehow because it feels like a really heavy worry.

sicknote

I think whenever you look outside of yourself for fulfillment or happiness, it doesn't go well. You may need some time to love yourself first and then the right person will come along. Maybe it's meant for you to spend some time on your own to get to know yourself better. :)

And, do the right thing and don't get a pet until you are completely committed.

One of the hardest things to do is learn to wait - we want to be happy now, we want to be fixed now...we want to be loved now...but sometimes I think we rush that process.

Getting sober is a big deal it takes a lot of effort - and it changes us too - hopefully for the better :)

I think it's good to wait, get yourself sorted out, learn to love yourself as Anna suggests...see who sober you really is...then you can look for someone...

find someone who fits the new you, not the old one :)

D

Hi friend

I just wanted to send a (( hugg ))

It is hard , I know I've been single for a long time too

Wishing you well

Tr

You won't be single forever if you don't want that but you can't force it. It will happen when you're ready. I think being an alcoholic does have a negative impact on love relationships but being a sober alcoholic does not. When I met my current partner, I told him right away I was an addict / alcoholic in recovery. I did this because my recovery is a high priority and if he could not accept me for who I was I would not care to date him. He was so wonderfully understanding and has always been fairly supportive. So there's people who will understand! Don't loose faith. Hugs!

I get everything you said Sicknote. Have been alone without a girlfriend for 4 years, wanting a cat or dog, a COMPANION to share life with during my loneliness.

You are here for a reason. Maybe the same reason I keep looking at Soberrecovery.com.

We want to see other peoples struggles with alcohol so we don't feel "alien"

Smile when you don't feel like it, eat when you don't feel like it and pray to God, Planet Earth or any higher power to give you relief during the day.

Oh, deep breaths too whenever you remember. ^_^

Hey Thank you guys. I really appreciate your feedback! Its been bugging me quite alot.

I'm early days but doing good staying away from alcohol, this site is helping a lot :)

Learning to love myself, and figuring out who I am is going to be quite a challenge I think. I might start with healthier food.

Deep breaths and prey - totally.

Just because I'm alone right now, doesn't mean I'll be alone forever right?

thanks again
sicknote x

I'm really embarrassed about this post now, and a tiny bit paranoid. Can't figure out how to delete it. Oh well, Hey ho.

Anyways, anyone reading this... I'm day 13 now. Some unsettling obsessions and feelings of despair and desperation have subsided. I was miss-firing all over the place when I first put down the booze, pure panic. I'm feeling more myself and chilled. Which is good.

Sicknote: Why would you delete something that is full of good advice that can help you and others?

Just be cool and congrats for 13 days! :c011:

Hi, Sicknote.

I just wanted to say that "single" does not equal "lonely".

Love yourself, develop self-respect, get to know this person who's always here for you - yourself. And you will never be lonely.

Best wishes to you. Keep your chin up)

Good point Stimmed, I'm guessing it might help others too :)

MidnightBlue - I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out how to do, fingers crossed :)

Thank you x

This post helped me actually. I am almost 6 months sober and was in the almost exact situation as you sicknote, I was getting emotionally involved with this fellow I knew back in high school, he was really giving me mixed messages and basically playing allot of head games with me. I am surprised that I was falling for his BS to be honest with you, I thought I was smarter than that. I have since told him to eff of and I have realized I need to stay single for awhile longer and learn from this experience. (I have a tendency to pick the wrong men...) I think like you, I was thinking in the back of my mind that he was going to somehow save me..good grief... I need to stop this pattern. My sobriety is at stake.

Congratulations sicknote on Day 13....proud for you! :thanks

Thanks wiscsober! :)

Yeah fhl41, I have a habit of picking the wrong ones :( usually because they enable me to drink :( The more they drink the more normal I look. This dude tho, I think I was probably jealous of him, of his sobriety, He's kinda living my dream, and I've been just so desperate not to drink again and to pull my life into shape that my mind was looking for things to focus my attentions on, looking for an escape route, hence my mind kept wondering to him, especially as he had helped me. I think that might have been what happened anyway. I'm so glad I realised what was happening, but at the time I felt a bit mental! haha

Anyways, onwards and upwards, and I'm not drinking. Yay! Now all I've got to do is find ways of loving me for a change. Trying to find my own journey or path through life, trying to find a happier existence, one without booze. Then maybe, just maybe, I might find someone to share a bit of life with. Fingers crossed! :)

Really appreciate everyone feedback. Feeling a bit better now for sharing that stuff :)

sicknote x

That's the spirit, Sicknote!

Know and love yourself for a change! I think you'll find that as you do this in your continued sobriety, you'll be much more able to spot folk (more genuine) that you can better relate to... enjoy life more! Relationships, intimate ones, then seem less important because you are far too busy having a 'fuller life'. Having said that, when one isn't looking to get involved, sometimes they can be completely blown away by someone and even alcohol doesn't get on the scale!

Heh, good luck :)!

This.
I too am a single person in recovery, and meeting people without alcohol, or making a poor first impression as an "addict" on a first date when I say I can't drink makes me SO nervous.

It is one of the barriers I am going to need to overcome.

Yes Stimmed that makes sense, and actually that is how I was living before this moron came on the scene. He was messing with my head so much (and I allowed it) that I was moving further and further away from my self growth and getting sucked onto the crazy train so to speak. Great advice to just live our lives and be around more "genuine" people, and not look for love, just live life and enjoy it. Never mind searching for someone to save us.

Thanks Stimmed. Some really great help here. Going to focus on me for a while, and try to forget about anything else right now. Gotta fix myself up :)

Legs21, totally get you, yeah its quite worrying how someone would react I guess to saying we can't drink. But sod it, I guess if we find the right ones it wont matter? Hopefully if that moment comes round for me I'll deal with it ok. Good luck to you :)

fhl41 - HAHAHA. 'Stuck on the crazy train' very funny, lets stay away from the crazy train :)

Thanks guys :)

sicknote x

Wow. I'm so glad my post is still here. All this advice everyone has given me here has really helped me in a massive way, again. This site really is amazing.

I decided to go off and love myself, and I was trying various different things, really trying to discover myself and make a really good effort into putting a positive foot forward. Anyway, one thing I tried was learning to skydive, which was a bit extreme but anything was worth a try. Instead of kicking myself when I'm down, try to find things I enjoy doing right? So, Anyway, long story short, I had a really bad accident, and now I've been interacting with this guy again that I had a bit of a thing for. It's so weird how obsessions, addictions, sickness creeps back in if we allow it to!

Boom, the obsession is back again. Can't switch off my head, it goes round and round, and you ask yourself, How does someone stop thinking about something they shouldn't think about? Then I came back and read this post and realised, it's impossible to stop thinking about the wrong things, but you can start thinking about the right things.

Wow! This journey is a crazy one sometimes. I need to get back on here more often, I'd forgotten how helpful it is, even by reading older posts!

Thanks guys!
Love to all.
Sicknote.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about and as for lonely, you have us here on this website. We've been lonely too. I've been sober for a very long time but I'm still lonely at times. But I try to look on the plus things, to develop the side of my brain which doesn't stress the lonely, the negative. Maybe it's like working out at the gym. Exercise the part of the brain where the "plus" stuff hangs out. Put in some small plants there, water them and hope to see them grow. I put an elm in the front yard 11 years ago. It was only six feet tall. Now it's sixty feet tall.Why not try to do the same with your brain, maybe your whole life? Plant something, water it, take care of it, and maybe in time it will be sixty feet tall. And maybe that right guy will come along, the right one for you and you can sit under that tree together.
It's out there, waiting for you. It takes a lot of patience, perseverence but it's there. Keep in touch on this website. A lot of people here are going through the same things as you are.

W.