Notices

Single and lonely alcoholic

Old 10-16-2013, 05:12 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Thank you wpainterw! I really appreciate your feed back. I will absolutely be taking your advice. I'll be avoiding watering the weeds, and see if I can start looking at more positive areas in my life. *deep breaths* everything's going to be ok! Everything's going to be ok!

sicknote is offline  
Old 10-16-2013, 05:40 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
wpainterw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Yes. It's nice you live in or near London. I've been glad and sad there many times. It's beautiful just to take a walk. I love to watch the guards from the old regiments marching up the Mall.The band playing. I'd love to pay another visit to the old Inns of Court and the little Templar Church there, St. Brides and St. Paul's. And go out to Highgate where I have an old friend. Take another boat ride down to Greenwich.
So get yourself out, try to focus on the good stuff and remember that alcohol is not your friend. It can only make you more depressed, more lonely. Years ago I was in London and went to a performance of "Annie" and heard her sing, "The sun is going to come out- tomorrow!" A wonderful song! Every good wish to you!

W.
wpainterw is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 03:56 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Thanks again wpainterw. Really appreciate your feedback. Sometimes sharing this stuff and putting it out there just makes things so much clearer!

Indeed I'm not far from London. I do go there sometimes and often enjoy an exhibition or a shop! Usually do that stuff on my own tho, not that I mind that sometimes! I get to see more on my own! ha.

I just did something positive and let this guy know why I can't really speak to him, and he totally understands, which is cool. No way I'd go near him, but sometimes you can't help your brain from thinking 'but what if he can fix me?' Grrrh. Only person who can fix me is myself. Onwards and upwards! One less thing to worry about! Now I just need to stop worrying about the other stuff!! HAHA

As I've been in a accident, I've had too much time with my head. I can't get out much as I've had casts attached to my legs. So lonely, and depressed has been an understatement at the moment. I'm a total looser. I can't even be a proper alcoholic, I even fail at being a failure, that's how much of a looser I am. So when you feel this crap about yourself, you actually start to think 'well I might as well get annihilated then, crack open the hard stuff, and rub out my existence off the planet, cause no one will notice anyway'. But I'll know, I'll just start the drinking cycle again, and it will all go on and on, and nothing will change, unless I do something about it.

In my head I feel like a very sick individual. I'm really been giving my self a battering, not just physically with booze, but mentally, I've launched a full scale assault. No prisoners will be taken, war was declared many years ago, and now my brain is a desolate and disastrous zone with damaging explosives filling every nook and cranny, every thought could potentially end my day, obviously provided the day actually begins, as quite honestly, I'd like to stay in bed.

I can't wait to start walking again! Then I think I'll look for ways where I'll be interacting with the world!! Yay! I will live again!!!

I do have some positive news tho. I've got an appointment with a mental health specialist on Monday, to discuss things like bipolar, ADHD, and personality disorders. So I might be able to get to work on fixing up a few things! Might get on the anti-depressants.

I've got a challenging weekend ahead where there might be booze, but I'm not going to drink! I'm NOT going to do it.

PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!!!

Thought I'd start today with some positive affirmations...

I love you and accept you exactly the way you are.
I am free of pain, anger and fear.
In every aspect of my life I am guided to my highest happiness and fulfilment.
All problems and struggles now fade away: I am serene.
I am free and filled with light.

Right, I'm off to look for some positive things to do. Might clean stuff! Getting Motivated! Yay!

Sorry for the essay! Guess I should write this in a diary rather than sharing it with the world, but hey ho, it's human to share.


Love to all,
Sicknote.
sicknote is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 09:03 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Swashbuckler
 
Correy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Nether-world (CA)
Posts: 205
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
One of the hardest things to do is learn to wait - we want to be happy now, we want to be fixed now...we want to be loved now...but sometimes I think we rush that process.
Ditto.

Perhaps we could even learn to enjoy the waiting, observe internal processes, and get ready for happiness (fulfillment) no matter how long does it take.
Correy is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 09:39 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
One of the hardest things to do is learn to wait - we want to be happy now, we want to be fixed now...we want to be loved now...but sometimes I think we rush that process.

Originally Posted by Correy View Post
Ditto.

Perhaps we could even learn to enjoy the waiting, observe internal processes, and get ready for happiness (fulfillment) no matter how long does it take.

Totally Correy. Hopefully, I'll start to enjoy my journey instead of pinning my hopes on a final destination. I hope
sicknote is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 01:29 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,936
Don't despair, Sicknote. There are ups and downs on the journey for us; alcoholics are no different than 'normals' in this regard. Focus on getting sober and healthy, and you'll be amazed at how much of the rest of the stuff sorts itself out over time.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 01:52 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Thank you for your supportive words MythOfSisyphus! Your right. Everyone has struggles in life *facepalm*! but I guess alcoholics just turn to the wrong things to deal with their difficulties in life. I'm not going to do that anymore
sicknote is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 03:15 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
I've just realised that was just one big panic attack I had. Ha! Gotta stop doing that!
sicknote is offline  
Old 10-17-2013, 03:32 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Realising my life
 
HeadLump's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by sicknote View Post

I've got a challenging weekend ahead where there might be booze, but I'm not going to drink! I'm NOT going to do it.

PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!!!

Thought I'd start today with some positive affirmations...

I love you and accept you exactly the way you are.
I am free of pain, anger and fear.
In every aspect of my life I am guided to my highest happiness and fulfilment.
All problems and struggles now fade away: I am serene.
I am free and filled with light.
I'm sorry you're in such torment, Sicknote, but these affirmations are great. Your whole post was incredibly expressive and full of spirit. Sending you some hugs from down the road
HeadLump is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 09:01 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Hey HeadLump! Ah, you're in the south east UK too! Cool! It's good to hear from UK people. Hope you're doing ok

Yeah, I keep having panic attacks and blurting it all out online. It's not a good look HAHA. But if I was totally sane and sober I wouldn't be on this site .

I'm collecting loads of positive affirmations! They are really a good boost to get things going

sicknote is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 09:09 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Guest
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by sicknote View Post

Boom, the obsession is back again. Can't switch off my head, it goes round and round, and you ask yourself, How does someone stop thinking about something they shouldn't think about? Then I came back and read this post and realised, it's impossible to stop thinking about the wrong things, but you can start thinking about the right things.
Since getting sober I've learnt it is entirely possible to learn to control my thoughts and not let my thoughts control me. It is not impossible to stop thinking about the wrong things -the brain just needs some help in re-training

I would recommend you read a book. i bought it off Amazon. I'm not into self help books at all but this is more of building blocks to retrain your thought processes. It's very easy to read and it works

"Think Right, Feel Right " by Robert Isett
ReadyAtLast is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 09:11 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Sober since October
 
MidnightBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Oh, Sicknote. Who cares about looks here! (just look at my new avatar).

Sending you positive vibes and more positive affirmations:

"Every time you repeat the words, "I can do it!" with
conviction, you cancel or override your fear and
increase your confidence. By repeating this
affirmation over and over, you can eventually build
your courage and confidence to the point where you
are unafraid."
MidnightBlue is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 12:00 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Thank you ReadyAtLast I'll defiantly be looking into getting more help and reading some self help books. "Think Right, Feel Right " sounds good! Thank you for the recommendation

MidnightBlue! Good Point! Gotta stop thinking poor me with my avatar!!! I'll see if I can find something silly to cheer me up and loving the tip!! I CAN DO IT! hehe

I appreciate everyones feedback cheers guys

Yay for a sober Friday night!!

sicknote is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 12:04 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
resolute50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
How's my lil rained on friend doing?

Time to pull out the
resolute50 is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 12:41 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Hello resolute50!! I remembers you How you doing? I had an accident, but I'm back now.

No more poor me rain!
sicknote is offline  
Old 10-18-2013, 07:16 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
wpainterw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Sicknote:
When you find you're kicking yourself in the butt, saying that you're "no good", a "loser", etc. etc. why not try this? Ask yourself where this is coming from. Maybe somewhere inside your brain where something is saying, "Hey, maybe if we can persuade her to lose faith in herself, persuade her that she's "worthless", then maybe she'll start drinking again, maybe we'll get the booze back! Worth a try! Let's get her back on the pitty pot so she'll be a sitting duck the next time she goes to a party and someone says, "Just one drink wouldn't hurt! Don't be a stuffed shirt! Have one on me!"
Don't fall for that. Don't say, "Play it again, Sam!" It takes a bit of muscle to get started but with practice you can start aggressively looking on the bright side, on the positive side and ignoring the negative stuff. Pick up a flower. Say "Ain't that grand!" and do the same with a cloud. Then pat yourself on the back for the progress you've made already, consider it like an investment- in yourself. And each day that goes by that investment, you, becomes more valuable. Your Winston Churchill said it best: "Never surrender!"

W.
wpainterw is offline  
Old 10-19-2013, 07:49 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
I was just thinking that myself! I'm feeling low, this is prime opportunity for booze to creep in and say "you know what, you've had a hard time, just have a drink". I'm not going to fall it's trickery! Mustn't let my guard down during moments like this.

Never surrender! Yay! Like it. I think you're right. This is going to be hard work, but I'm going to do it! I'm going to keep trying to practice some happiness, look for the silver linings, and try to avoid things which have a negative impact on me. Easier said than done, but drinking never solved problems before, it's not going to solve it now, right.

This site is cool. It's good to hear from people that understand what kind of power booze has over us.

Thanks wpainterw! Really helped me keep strong today

sicknote is offline  
Old 10-19-2013, 07:54 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Sober since October
 
MidnightBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Love new avatar, SIcknote!
MidnightBlue is offline  
Old 10-19-2013, 07:55 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
And you know what, its ok to be alone, there is nothing wrong with being on my own. Many people are on their own, it's no reason to pick up a bottle No siree!
sicknote is offline  
Old 10-19-2013, 07:56 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
sicknote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
hehe. thanks MidnightBlue! Much happier! thanks for helping me with that one x
sicknote is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:54 AM.