bigsombrero

Ugh.

I've been sober over a year, and I've taken many steps to change physical environment. For example, six months into sobriety I finally got around to ditching my collection of wine glasses and stemware. Later I dug up all my old beer signs that used to hang on my wall and sold them on Craigslist.

But that's just my physical environment. The digital environment is a whole different ball of wax. One thing that's been more agonizing is deleting and untagging myself from facebook photos. As well as blocking certain twitter accounts from viewing my tweets and the like. I had to block old toxic friends and negative influences, mainly because Twitter is part of my brand marketing business and I know certain people who like to "check up" on me that way. Throwing away a beer sign is easy - going back and looking at pictures of me with my ex-girlfriend on facebook has been something I've been avoiding. I've been doing it, but it's so hard not to linger on the pictures, and see both of us smiling together. Of course, we often had beers or alcohol in hand as well. The alcohol abuse was my demon, she was certainly a drinking buddy but didn't contribute in any other way - and if she did it's not worth worrying about now.

I am just writing this because of the crushing depression that comes with these duties. It really affects me in that "certain way" that I fear, and causes some real sadness. It's one of the more painful things I've done, recovery-wise, lately. I am not going to delete my facebook account, but I have reduced my "friends" from about 400 to 200 over the last few months...

Anyone else go through this kind of pain?

Mangoes

Grief is a normal part of change, and the ability to express it speaks volumes about your commitment to moving forward.
I find for me, it's best to feel that moment of sadness, and then package it as acknowledged, but something I don't need to hold onto anymore. I focus that like collecting too many "things", some memories (and relationships)are best dusted off and sent to mental kijiji- to make room for new, positive things. I do find that the new found space feels like a relief, but sometimes that comes later. Just breathe, ride it, and know this too shall pass.
Sorry that you're feeling pain.

Nuudawn

A very moving post. I felt it in my heart. Although having to move about to close some doors, you will ultimately open new ones. I believe that. I do not mean to sound trite or in anyway minimize how painful closing doors can sometimes be.

bigsombrero

Thanks. Yes, my ex moved on long ago. I have not contacted her since I left treatment one year ago and will not, it is over and I accept it. But looking at those pictures of a smiling happy couple in love with each other....one could only imagine what a wonderful future they would have together. It can be a heartbreaker having to look at that stuff.

Leshar

It's funny, I was just thinking about this yesterday. I've defriended a few people on FB, and after initially feeling a great sadness, a sense of loss, now I feel much better, calmer, a sense of lightness after about a month. I've also deleted pics. Why am I always hoisting some boozy bevvie in these pics?!

What I'm struggling to do still though is get rid of a vast collection of wine glasses. My late husband and I collected beautiful ceramic wine glasses both at home and on our travels. I've already given some to friends, but can't yet bring myself to dispose of the remaining collection.
Good for you for disposing of your collection.

I imagine, I hope, that in a little while, you'll feel that same lightness from "de cluttering" removing what you say yourself are toxic and negative influences from your life.
Who needs that?
Good luck!

bigsombrero

This was tough on me too - I was always making excuses. I had this "fancy beer glass" collection, some with gold leaf, that I got from breweries directly because I was at some "tasting event", etc. I thought, gee I can't get rid of these, they are significant!

In the end though, the physical stuff was much easier to erase than the memories and pictures. It's not so much the drinking pictures, but the pictures of me with my significant other that still linger on my mind.

You are right though - memories are just like physical reminders. You can always get new things, and making new memories (SOBER ones) is high on my list right now. I should view the erasing of old pics as the start of creating new and vibrant ones to replace them...

scintillady

I like drinking out of wine glasses, so I now drink my soda or seltzer or whatever in wine glasses. I also order ginger ale in a wine glass when I go out. There's just something I enjoy about drinking out of a fancy glass, and now it doesn't have to be alcoholic.

Leshar

Glad that works for you. I couldn't do it, it would prove too much of a trigger for me i think.

hypochondriac

I just hid most of my photos on facebook so I am the only one who can see the ones with me drinking. I just didn't want to project that image anymore and of course there was a whole load of embarrassment and guilt that came along with that. I haven't looked at them or deleted them since. I know there are some pics of me and a friend drinking at a Motorhead gig and I dunno but those photos might come in handy seeing as I can't remember half of that night.

I found chucking out all my wine glasses and beer glasses very satisfying though. It took me a while. I even had some booze in the house for ages for 'guests'. Making my house a truly alcohol free zone was a pleasant feeling

ScottFromWI

I actually deleted my Facebook account about 2 years ago. At that time I was at the peak of my drinking, yet even then I finallyrealized that it was nothing more than an electronic gossip tool, and nothing more than a colossal waste of my time. I don't miss it even slightly, and would highly recommend it!

Nattythreads

Hey chap

Here's a polar opposite for you. My soon-to-be-ex-wife joined Facebook for the first time about six months ago. She resolutely refuses to acknowledge my friend request

Tang

Luckily my heaviest public drinking days were pre-Facebook existence. My company uses social media for background checks. It really is a creepy invasive electronic world we live in. Even if you delete the photo someone could have made a copy of it. If it was accidentally public there are social web crawlers that will cache old data. This is why I post no personal photos on any of the social networks. I'm just waiting for genetic profiling like in the movie Gattaca. /end paranoid rant