I feel faded
 

I have been mostly sober for 5 years now, and I feel a though I am unable to feel life anymore. I am just tired and frustrated all the time now. I am always on edge until I smoke some pot every once in a while so that my mind can just reset. Is there something wrong with me? I thought getting sober was supposed to be a good thing but I don't feel good. I thought it would pass but I just feel like drugs were keeping me stable and relaxed and without them I am cold and on edge.

Hi and welcome

Recovery was two things for me - it was stopping drinking and getting high firstly, but it was also learning to be happy with that.

I had to stop getting drunk or high altogether because without abstinence I was still in the cycle - alcohol and pot still had a hold over me and coloured my perceptions - and not for the better.

Once I was clean and sober, I had to build a life I was happy to live, sober. I also had to live with myself, so I changed a lot of things about the way I lived.

All that took time, but it was worth it :)

D

I have made a huge change so far. started using coke & meth when I was 11y/o and haven't touched either in the last five yrs(I am 28 now). but some days I get to the point where I feel like I am going to snap.

I'm not downgrading your achievements at all :)
but if you're like me, any kind of getting high brings you problems?

I bounced from drug over 30 years - they all kicked my butt and wrecked my life pretty good.

I was always looking for an escape when I should have been looking for solutions and ways to fix my life - the various drugs weren't the problem - I was.

D

I try to change me but I don't no how. there is a lot of hate in me from growing up bouncing from one kind of hell to another and while being in hell I became a monster in order to survive. The voices of what I was tell me constantly that I am still that monster and I will be the destruction of my new life. I feel like my frustration comes from dealing with these demons that only shut up when I am high.

Have you anyone in real life you can talk to when you're feeling 'on edge'? Sometimes just talking it out can be helpful. :hug:

I had a lot of self loathing too. 40 years worth, and I too only found escape in getting wasted.

I dunno what would mitigate that hatred for you, but for me what I did was challenge that view of myself by doing my darnedest to become the person I thought I ought to be, living a life of value.

I did a lot of service work, a lot of volunteering...it made it harder for me to think of myself badly when I was helping others.

A little counselling helped too :)

I had nothing left to run away from....I actually started to like myself and my life, so no pressing reason to get high anymore.

D

just sending a hug