Intervention part 2 PLUS a special surprise!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 145
Intervention part 2 PLUS a special surprise!
Those guys don't kid around. About 4 meetings in less then 3 weeks to get worst of it out of the way. In the earlier meetings I was advised specifically not to alter my drinking in any way as it may prove harmful re: possible seizures etc. Meeting #4 out of the total 5, unbeknownst to me was go time. I was presented with 3 options. A pricey hospital stay, an ambulatory detox, and last but not least, a closely monitored cold turkey. For those of you who may not know, ambulatory is a monitored home detox with a medication that aids and eases the process I gather. I was presented these options 2 days before my quit date was established by the counselor. As I had mentioned before I do not have health insurance so my decision was an obvious one. The fact that I had done it this way back in November as well solidified my decision. Most of my friends as well as the counselor did not seem terribly comfortable with this decision as I had been drinking 24/7. So Thursday 7/18 the troops started moving in. I was drinking at the time as the following day was to be my quit day and this was all part of the plan. In they came with movies, video game systems, books, heating pads, a microwave, vitamins, more gatoraide and food then I have ever seen. The stayed with me or a bit that night. It was lighthearted and I joked as I typically do in attempts to try and lighten the mood. At the end of the night one remained. The one apparently appointed to the 72 continuous hour shift. Yes i found it all to be a bit excessive but trusted the guy in charge so I went with it. Everyone was amazing. Day 1 was a bit different this time. Nothing too bad at all. Just a lot of jaw clenching, confusion and lots and lots of anxiety. No dts' to speak of just the general sense of overheating and the awareness of my obvious dehydration. In the what seemed to be the 104 hours of that first day I swear at some point I was peeing straight Gatoraide but you guys probably didn't need to know that. Point being I just focused on trying to regulate my body back to some semblance of it being human again. Mission accomplished in just about a day. I'm still quite foggy but all in all my body still appears to be working as it was intended to.
I almost forgot I promised a "special surprise". Well without further adieu. As some of you may know from my limited past posts I am in the middle of a legal matter re: a year old now DWI. (0.11 bac, pulled over for speeding, no accidents, only myself in the car)...yes I sadly still feel the need to throw all that in their in attempts to justify a dumb mistake and almost more so to preface the far dumber one I made 9 months later. I was refused entry to a MADD sponsored, court mandated impact panel with a bac of 0.14. Yes higher than that of my arrest. Up until that point I was in complete and total compliance with my probation officer, fines, court dates etc. I even tossed in that 3 months of self imposed sobriety while I was preparing myself for jail back in January. Well...that jail sentence at the last minute was taken off the table and back into limbo I went. After that impact panel incident in March I went into hiding ignoring not only my court ordered probation, but turning my phone off, deadbolting my door, not eating nor sleeping, not getting my mail etc. I lived like this for about 4 months. 4 months without talking to anyone but myself essentially. I understand now that a lot of people including my landlord thought I might be dead as that was honestly my intention. I'm hear to tell you friends...apparently it doesn't work like the movies. It is damned near impossible to drink yourself to death in that time span. All you really end up with is raging paranoia and a hypersensitivity to chick flicks (no offense). Those romantic dance shows on tv even got me. "Wigs" on youtube which are basically shorts on the lives of women was a staple and I gotta admit I do highly recommend. Well...you get my point. So to rewind for a second this was the state I was found in. Unwashed, long greasy hair, facial hair that I still don't feel comfortable talking about, in a dark corner of my even darker unlit apartment. Terrified of the outside, shaking, drinking, thinking and paranoid so much so that he stood outside my apartment for nearly 2 hours before I was comfortable enough that he wasn't a police officer. "He" would be my best friend whom had somehow acquired at least a key to the door of the building I live in. This, minus 20 lbs or so is the state he found me in several weeks ago. My prior posts help fill in what happened next.
So moving onto the special surprise...Through my intervention process/meetings with "Jim"...we will refer to him as Jim as that is in fact his name. It was established through a phone conversation (which I was present for) that Jim made to my probation officer that there were no warrants out for my arrest nor had I been violated on any of my probation conditions. I found this to be miraculous as clearly I had in fact violated several at this point. Regardless I went along with the plan at face value. My probation officer was made aware of my detox plan and requested that I come in to see her upon completion on the fourth day which I did. I entered the building then rode the elevator to the 3rd floor once again feeling good almost that I was getting back on track. I guess my first clue was right there on the wall in front of where I was waiting. A nice large laminated wanted poster. It's still pretty surreal looking back. I didn't even recognize myself at first. To be brutally honest with you I looked at my picture, which was in the mix with about 7 others and thought (that guy doesn't look like he belongs on that poster). I wondered to myself what the Hell he had done? Then I started looking closer and thought that it kind of looked like me if I cleaned myself up and gained about 20 to 30 lbs. I wondered enough so that I got up from my seat to have a closer look. Guess what???
I quietly sat down somewhat numb I guess at the realization. I believe what followed was a discreet phone call to the back office (where the probation tables are located...yes just like in the shows on tv). After a few minutes my probation officer came out of the back area as she always did, called me name and in I followed. The first thing I noticed was the room was empty, the second was that she was not directing me toward to the booth that we normally met at. We were walking towards a different part of the room that day. Once we got to the end of the hall she very politely directed me to enter a door which at the time I honestly thought may have been a bathroom perhaps for an alcohol/drug screening. I was almost relieved. I was very wrong. 5 officers in total. The 2 biggest each grabbed an arm and I was very quickly pushed against the wall. Not sure which happened first...hearing, "we have a warrant out for your arrest or the cuffs being put on. I still have yet to process any of this really. I know deep down there is a feeling of betrayal as I personally spoke with my probation officer prior to this as well (post drinking) and was assured that there were no problems. I was trembling. I couldn't catch a coherent thought. My mere 4 days of sobriety I'm sure didn't help. I will spare you the rest of that day but will tell you it ended with a VERY good friend's quick thinking, my attorney's partner and his ability to fill in on the spot (as mine was on vacation), and 10k bail from my parents. These are the only reasons that I am able to write this right now.
I think in addition to me just wanting to write this down for myself as well as for some who may benefit from it, it's simply just to share a quick thought.
When I arrived home that evening the very last thing I thought about doing for a change was trying to drink it away. Clearly that solution does not work. So friends...do me a favor...for those of you who may be really down and really questioning life in general you better look for a different answer because I'm here to tell you. You can't drink it away and you sure as Hell can't do it alone.
I almost forgot I promised a "special surprise". Well without further adieu. As some of you may know from my limited past posts I am in the middle of a legal matter re: a year old now DWI. (0.11 bac, pulled over for speeding, no accidents, only myself in the car)...yes I sadly still feel the need to throw all that in their in attempts to justify a dumb mistake and almost more so to preface the far dumber one I made 9 months later. I was refused entry to a MADD sponsored, court mandated impact panel with a bac of 0.14. Yes higher than that of my arrest. Up until that point I was in complete and total compliance with my probation officer, fines, court dates etc. I even tossed in that 3 months of self imposed sobriety while I was preparing myself for jail back in January. Well...that jail sentence at the last minute was taken off the table and back into limbo I went. After that impact panel incident in March I went into hiding ignoring not only my court ordered probation, but turning my phone off, deadbolting my door, not eating nor sleeping, not getting my mail etc. I lived like this for about 4 months. 4 months without talking to anyone but myself essentially. I understand now that a lot of people including my landlord thought I might be dead as that was honestly my intention. I'm hear to tell you friends...apparently it doesn't work like the movies. It is damned near impossible to drink yourself to death in that time span. All you really end up with is raging paranoia and a hypersensitivity to chick flicks (no offense). Those romantic dance shows on tv even got me. "Wigs" on youtube which are basically shorts on the lives of women was a staple and I gotta admit I do highly recommend. Well...you get my point. So to rewind for a second this was the state I was found in. Unwashed, long greasy hair, facial hair that I still don't feel comfortable talking about, in a dark corner of my even darker unlit apartment. Terrified of the outside, shaking, drinking, thinking and paranoid so much so that he stood outside my apartment for nearly 2 hours before I was comfortable enough that he wasn't a police officer. "He" would be my best friend whom had somehow acquired at least a key to the door of the building I live in. This, minus 20 lbs or so is the state he found me in several weeks ago. My prior posts help fill in what happened next.
So moving onto the special surprise...Through my intervention process/meetings with "Jim"...we will refer to him as Jim as that is in fact his name. It was established through a phone conversation (which I was present for) that Jim made to my probation officer that there were no warrants out for my arrest nor had I been violated on any of my probation conditions. I found this to be miraculous as clearly I had in fact violated several at this point. Regardless I went along with the plan at face value. My probation officer was made aware of my detox plan and requested that I come in to see her upon completion on the fourth day which I did. I entered the building then rode the elevator to the 3rd floor once again feeling good almost that I was getting back on track. I guess my first clue was right there on the wall in front of where I was waiting. A nice large laminated wanted poster. It's still pretty surreal looking back. I didn't even recognize myself at first. To be brutally honest with you I looked at my picture, which was in the mix with about 7 others and thought (that guy doesn't look like he belongs on that poster). I wondered to myself what the Hell he had done? Then I started looking closer and thought that it kind of looked like me if I cleaned myself up and gained about 20 to 30 lbs. I wondered enough so that I got up from my seat to have a closer look. Guess what???
I quietly sat down somewhat numb I guess at the realization. I believe what followed was a discreet phone call to the back office (where the probation tables are located...yes just like in the shows on tv). After a few minutes my probation officer came out of the back area as she always did, called me name and in I followed. The first thing I noticed was the room was empty, the second was that she was not directing me toward to the booth that we normally met at. We were walking towards a different part of the room that day. Once we got to the end of the hall she very politely directed me to enter a door which at the time I honestly thought may have been a bathroom perhaps for an alcohol/drug screening. I was almost relieved. I was very wrong. 5 officers in total. The 2 biggest each grabbed an arm and I was very quickly pushed against the wall. Not sure which happened first...hearing, "we have a warrant out for your arrest or the cuffs being put on. I still have yet to process any of this really. I know deep down there is a feeling of betrayal as I personally spoke with my probation officer prior to this as well (post drinking) and was assured that there were no problems. I was trembling. I couldn't catch a coherent thought. My mere 4 days of sobriety I'm sure didn't help. I will spare you the rest of that day but will tell you it ended with a VERY good friend's quick thinking, my attorney's partner and his ability to fill in on the spot (as mine was on vacation), and 10k bail from my parents. These are the only reasons that I am able to write this right now.
I think in addition to me just wanting to write this down for myself as well as for some who may benefit from it, it's simply just to share a quick thought.
When I arrived home that evening the very last thing I thought about doing for a change was trying to drink it away. Clearly that solution does not work. So friends...do me a favor...for those of you who may be really down and really questioning life in general you better look for a different answer because I'm here to tell you. You can't drink it away and you sure as Hell can't do it alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Wow. Thank you for sharing this. It does seem to me that you are in a mess of epic proportions. What are you going to do to ensure that you stay on this path of sobriety?
You are obviously a highly intelligent person. I know you can turn this around. We are here for support.
You are obviously a highly intelligent person. I know you can turn this around. We are here for support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 398
Thank you for posting this and congratulations on your sobriety. My story is different than yours, but it does involve a good amount of insanity, paranoia, and self-loathing.
A lot of people on this site have lived in hell like this for a long time and turned their lives around 180 degrees. You can, too.
A lot of people on this site have lived in hell like this for a long time and turned their lives around 180 degrees. You can, too.
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