hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: eastern plains, colorado
Posts: 21
hello
I took the kids and left my AH on july 4, he took a few steps towards recovery but now is telling me I need to spend more time with him to see how much he has changed but I can tell just by talking to him nothing really has changed. It's still all about poor him and how mean I am to make him do supervised parenting time and u/as to see the kids. He now throws in a few comment about finding peace in god, but nothing that really comes across heartfelt. He is only doing one AA meeting a week and even then it's when he can around work, he does have a sponsor but the sponsor has been out pf town.
honestly I think he is still drinking...he whinnes constantly about not having money for gas or food and how he has not eaten, he has made it very clear he expects me to use my and the kids foodstamps to get him food sense he agreed to a bit higher childsupport, just enough to pay our rent and ultilties. But at the time he is the one who set that amount he says he wants to make the marriage work then complains in the same breath that he can't afford the kids and me.
just looking for support and to try to figure out what I need to do next. I know I need to keep my kids safe, and their life as stable as possible but beyond home, work, I don't know what to do with AH..
honestly I think he is still drinking...he whinnes constantly about not having money for gas or food and how he has not eaten, he has made it very clear he expects me to use my and the kids foodstamps to get him food sense he agreed to a bit higher childsupport, just enough to pay our rent and ultilties. But at the time he is the one who set that amount he says he wants to make the marriage work then complains in the same breath that he can't afford the kids and me.
just looking for support and to try to figure out what I need to do next. I know I need to keep my kids safe, and their life as stable as possible but beyond home, work, I don't know what to do with AH..
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
We have a forum for friends and family of alcoholics. Lots of insight there. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Words are lightly thrown.
When I was drinking I would've had no problem talking about finding God, serenity, realizing the errors of my ways. I'm not by nature a sinister or dishonest person, but I did not want to give up either alcohol or the near entirety of my life that my drinking was jeopardizing. Lying came easy from there.
I would definitely try poking in at the Friends & Family Forum. Addict-alcoholics like myself do lie but we also do get sober. Hopefully you can find a number of people there to give advice on how to gauge him on his honesty and sincerity.
When I was drinking I would've had no problem talking about finding God, serenity, realizing the errors of my ways. I'm not by nature a sinister or dishonest person, but I did not want to give up either alcohol or the near entirety of my life that my drinking was jeopardizing. Lying came easy from there.
I would definitely try poking in at the Friends & Family Forum. Addict-alcoholics like myself do lie but we also do get sober. Hopefully you can find a number of people there to give advice on how to gauge him on his honesty and sincerity.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, keeper, glad you found SR but sorry you needed to even look....
I would like to second the suggestion to check in at the Family and Friends section of the forum. There's a lot to be learned by reading the threads (and don't miss the stickied ones at the top of the page, lots of good info there too). Educating yourself about alcoholism will help a LOT w/understanding what is happening now and what you can expect in the future.
You say your husband is only attending 1 AA meeting a week or less; are you doing anything for yourself? I would recommend checking into Alanon sooner rather than later. Here's a link to find a meeting http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting This link includes telephone and online chat meetings if you live in an isolated area.
Here's a link within SR concerning Alanon meetings and what to expect http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ings-like.html
Again, welcome, keeper, and I hope you find as much support and help here as I have. Wishing you strength and clarity.
I would like to second the suggestion to check in at the Family and Friends section of the forum. There's a lot to be learned by reading the threads (and don't miss the stickied ones at the top of the page, lots of good info there too). Educating yourself about alcoholism will help a LOT w/understanding what is happening now and what you can expect in the future.
You say your husband is only attending 1 AA meeting a week or less; are you doing anything for yourself? I would recommend checking into Alanon sooner rather than later. Here's a link to find a meeting http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting This link includes telephone and online chat meetings if you live in an isolated area.
Here's a link within SR concerning Alanon meetings and what to expect http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ings-like.html
Again, welcome, keeper, and I hope you find as much support and help here as I have. Wishing you strength and clarity.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Keeper
sorry for your situation but glad you found us - theres a ton of support here
I guess my question is do you need to do anything with AH - is he really your responsibility now?
He's a grown man.
Maybe focusing on you and your kids is what you need to do right now?
D
sorry for your situation but glad you found us - theres a ton of support here
I guess my question is do you need to do anything with AH - is he really your responsibility now?
He's a grown man.
Maybe focusing on you and your kids is what you need to do right now?
D
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