Kys

Hi guys, I've noticed a few people posting about evening cravings lately (including myself and few I've especially noticed in the July class), I can definitely relate. I often become fearful I'll lose my focus and determination and so fold in the evening, goes something like this...

I wake up determined and thankful I didn't drink the night before, or if I had, there was is no way I was going to drink that coming evening. Had I not drunk I plan to remain steadfast in staying strong and holding onto my sobriety, or if I'd drunk, enough was enough and tonight I was going to tackle this again; the ghastly image in the mirror definitely affirmed that - either way there was no way I was drinking that evening (usually after work for me). Then the day rolls on and out of nowhere I might (or often) get creeping thoughts, 'excuses' or reasons I could have a 'session' jump into my mind, I romanticise indulging that evening, and I can be very quick to shut out all thoughts as to why I'm doing this (getting sober), why I want this and why I need this - I won't even allow myself the perspective or 'thinking time' enough to rationalise these creeping thoughts and acknowledge them for what they are (I still need to work on figuring this out to be honest - guidance APPRECIATED ), but you know what, I will definitely start getting sober 'insert date here' and so I can drink tonight right, hey it makes more sense like that anyway (I'll have talked myself into something) and one more bender alone at home will see me through, I'll enjoy this one last time and then I'll do this properly 'insert aforementioned date here'. Before I know it I'm onto my second bottle before I even check a few emails, see what's up on Facebook or read an article of interest on the web etc while kicking back, and then I'm onto my fourth and oh wait does that only mean I've got 2 bottles left? Better get a few more or maybe some wine to make sure I don't run out. Even if I don't end up getting more I've often drank well into time I should be sleeping and waste the next day, foggy and removed, and even if I got an early night (by some miracle) I've still drank enough to feel drained and effortless the next day. Worse however and often is that I do this on work nights and given my state the next day (as mentioned above) my performance slips, I'm hardly there so to speak and the absolute worst thing is that my workload stacks up. And all this is if I DIDN"T get more booze. If I did (many many times, near often), well let's just say it's a living hell the next day, especially if I have work and even when I don't I might as well be in a prison as I've essentially removed myself from living out the next day.

Sorry if this is long winded. Like I mentioned when I started I do have that looming fear at times that I'll fall into the same old trap again - like it's out of my control!, kind of scary in a way. Grrr frustrating.

I want to be sober and I have to work for it. Wish I could start to be better manage the thoughts that this is out of my control though, kind if silly I know but it's an important step for me to gain control and perspective on. I'll also be addressing this through the help I've sought beyond SR.

I'm sober now with a few consistent days under my belt and feeling very determined. I've said it before, I truly love the feeling of sobriety and all that it brings.

doggonecarl

This is the exact point where the "recovery" work needs to be applied. Because this the path your ADDICTION leads you down. Treat your drinking like the affliction it is. I recall some of your posts. There was nothing romantic about your drinking.

If you aren't in a program, such as AA, where you can call someone for support, or if you don't log into SR for support at this crucial point, then you are on your own.

CBT has a lot of techniques for identifying the thoughts that are harmful and turning them around. The catch...you have to apply them. No one else. And you have to do it early, because in alcoholism, you mind (or the addictive mind) is your worst enemy.

visch1

Congratulations on your progress. Much of our problem is based on what we're thinking and lots of times it's not too healthy in the long run. I needed to think that if I don't pick up the first drink I would NOT have to get sober AGAIN. That worked for me for years BFTGOG. BE WELL

Kys

Thanks, and by 'romanticising' I certainly don't mean it in a positive way in this context, I mean I let myself become consumed with the thoughts.

CBT and similar techniques are exactly the ones I've been kicking off in my help outside of SR. I'm not part of an AA group but I've promised myself I'd come here and call a 24hr alcohol help line I've been given before I do anything, and this is on top of applying the techniques you mentioned.

I'm practicing the techniques daily and often so when I really need them I'm confident I both understand these though patterns for what they are and manage them.

Think this is what you were getting at. I like how you really underlined that if I don't use, apply or exercise any of these kinds of things I'm on my own, and the fact is that when that happens I've failed.

Kys

I accept it's an affliction. I have to acknowledge what it is, pretending anything but just isn't true.

Isaiah

Thanks for sharing, Kys.

(No thanks for stealing my avatar. j/k.)

It is good to know what the consequences of drinking would be as one moves into the evening. Using past experiences and "playing back the tape" as they say are a good way to remind oneself that it was always the same before and would be the same again.

I think the reason sometimes that simply isn't enough to stop people is that simply an addict has a strong compulsion to use. Most of us while we were actively using were pretty indifferent to all the bad things our using lead to. Making the decision to become sober is deciding we no longer want to accept the bad stuff anymore. However, there's still the addictive part that wants what it wants regardless of whether or not we have a hungover, miserable day at work.

It's like the angel and the devil on your shoulders like you see in cartoons. A sober person has two conflicting voices--two desires speaking to us at all times. We just decide to listen to the one with the halo.

Kys

Haha no problem Isaiah

Thanks for your kinds words, I can relate exactly. It's like this became so hard out of nowhere (about a year and a half now).

Tang

This is my weak time as well. My addictive voice kicks in full blown around 4-5 pm. If my guard is not up, then I'm in trouble.

john44

I think I like it said that way much better than "if I don't pick up the first drink I won't get drunk". Your way places the focus on the horror of getting sober not the goal (for most of us) of getting drunk. I've found it's much easier to stay sober than to get sober.

Ptcapote

Hi Kys, I completely empathize with you on this one...evenings were the worst for me too. I do get what you mean about romanticize it, although not literally. Amazingly, except on very rare occasions when I had so thoroughly disabled myself with drinking the night before that I was essentially paralyzed by illness, I would be thinking about my evening time with my wine and computer as soon as 4PM or so hit. No matter how much sh*t I felt like that very morning from doing the very same thing the night before. Amazing how that happens...

Anyway, getting sober, that was the biggest fear of mine. I could manage to distract myself otherwise but nighttime was "my time" and I did the same as you...sat at that damn computer drinking more and more even though I should have been in bed. After a certain point, usually after the first bottle of wine, I would get a second wind and feel positively brilliant and that would keep me going for another hour or two. In the end I had taken to swallowing handfuls of Melatonin or Benadryl to knock myself out before I could get into another bottle of wine. Awful and not terribly safe given I was usually pretty well in the bag by that point anyway.

So, yeah, I hear you on that one. I have only come up with two ways to deal with this "loss" in my evenings. One is AA. I never, ever thought I would get into AA because I am pretty much NOT religious at all. But I started going to meetings three or four times a week during the hour or two I used to drink and force myself to sit there and listen. Now it is not a chore and I take a lot from it. Reminds me all the time of why I stopped drinking in the first place

Second, boringly, is I go to bed. I will check on SR for an hour or so before (so much better than writing drunken FB status updates and War and Peace length emails to exes!!) and then head to bed. I have had to adjust my sleeping schedule a lot but short of other coping mechanisms, AA, SR and good old sleep are doing it for me. Exercise also helps knock me out earlier as well.

If I figure out some others, will share. But a little boring and a little change of pace have been so worth it as far as how much better I feel---and how much less complicated my life is---without my former best friend, the wine bottle.

Good luck to you---you can totally do this and you WILL feel much better at work and otherwise.

UnixBer

This is strange. I've also been trying to quit for years. And on my previous sobriety attempts I also had crazed cravings around the evenings. The thing is that, this time there have been none of those, not one such crazy craving in the evening. Mostly in the morning after waking up, and those are not too threatening or frequent. Don't know what makes the big difference, but something has happened for those evening triggers not to occur. Maybe it is the difference in attitude: this time I really want to quit.

In any case, don't give in. Keep on keeping on. You have the possibility to maintain lifelong sobriety right now.

Kys

Thanks guys and Ptcapote, it's astonishing how much you have pretty much nailed my emotions, thought process and general activities (again).

"My time". I can't even express how much I can relate to this. And SLEEP feels like something I haven't or hardly had in such a long time, at least a few nights in a row and even then, or, at least sensibly - sleeping until 4pm on a Saturday after a binge isn't sensible. The thought of going to sleep at a sensible time and to wake up at a sensible time and feel refreshed seems like such a treat.

I've made changes to my work situation before and am again tomorrow. Positive changes that will aid be in this and it's funny that making these changes is never as big a deal as I think. I'm talking about a few things such as putting balance first (like we said in another post) through to some other adjustments to better deal with my work-time investment. Rest, sleep and time out (planned activities) will play a huge part in making sure I keep on top of this. Sounds funny but really it comes down to not making everything a chore and taking it easy on myself, and THAT is the work and effort I need to focus on.

Thought of resting up in bed on SR is definitely fine with me, at least until I can manage a day at a time and string a decent amount of weeks together.

Thank you so much.