cryingbuddha77

Hi There, I have been "lurking" on this site for months while trying to maintain sobriety. I'll tell you a little bit about where I am at. I've been trying to stop drinking for months. I started AA a few months ago, then relapsed after 5 days and have been too ashamed to go back. I can go 3 or 4 days and then I end up drinking again. Been drinking, on average, a six pack of beer every other day for about 2.5 years, but have been drinking at least a few days a week, to varying degrees for a couple years longer.

I drank 4 nights in a row last week, that's the most consecutive days this month. I skipped a day and then drank again last night. It's ridiculous because I'll be sitting there drinking my beer and thinking "I don't even want to be doing this!" Anyway, I want today to by my last "day one". So I decided to get some support here.

Also, my husband is coming home from being on exercise for a month and we are going camping for 4 days with our kids, leaving on Thursday. My husband was drinking right along with me for the most part. He was not able to drink on exercise and will come home with 30 days of sobriety. He has made it clear to me he never wants to drink again. So I know he will not enable me if I feel like drinking once he is home. For some reason it is a lot easier for him to abstain, he's done it before and has had to during his deployments. Anyway, I'm glad to be here and am looking forward to getting to know you all.

finaltime

Sounds like you have a great support system with your husband, and you know what you want to do. I know how it feels to not want to do something, I am the type of drinker that will go weeks at a time with out a drink, be feeling amazing, then get an invite to happy hour or a party, then get beyond wasted and wake up the next day not remembering a thing. I am also not drinking anymore, day 5 today. Stay strong and if you need more support its always out there.

snipe

There's absolutely no reason to be ashamed to go back to AA. Most of the people there have relapsed at one time or another. They will be glad to have you back.

I know, I got sober for more than a year on a couple of occasions and went back out and had to come back into the rooms and the reaction is pure welcoming.

Climber122

Yep - we are addicts. We do not control our addicitions - they control us until we admit defeat and get started living sober. I don't know too many folks who made it the first try - usually we try an easier, softer way. AA works IF you take the suggestions. You will be welcomed back, have no fear We've been there...

cryingbuddha77

Thank you for the supportive words. I don't know why I'm so scared to go back to AA. I guess I've always been a perfectionist, type A personality. It's really hard for me to accept my failures. I felt a lot of love and support when I did go though. I still have the phone number for the woman who brought me to my first meeting. Maybe I will call her tonight.

I want sobriety more than anything at this point. I have so much to be grateful for in my life. A loving family, a good job. Friends who love me. I don't understand why I keep treating myself this way. It's like I'm punishing myself for something. and the guilt....oh god the guilt!!!

Anyway, I'll take any prayers I can get.

Dee74

welcome cryingbuddha

Don't be ashamed to ask for help - our addiction loves that - reach out and get all the help you need - those who really know what recovery is and what it means will not judge

D