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Stay w/ Sponsor?

Old 07-29-2013, 09:24 AM
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Stay w/ Sponsor?

I was looking for advice on my sponsor (from Al-Anon - but she's also an alcoholic and an adult-child-of-an-alcoholic - just like me). I am a 35 year-old male, and my sponsor's in her 50s-60s. In the beginning, she canceled a few of our meetings (on two occasions, on the same day). Recently, she went out of town for about a month. I thought I was permitted to call her, but I only called twice that month. She did not return my calls. We've been meeting for about 4 months. I'm on step 4.

I recently saw her at an Al-Anon meeting. Her trip was to an international Al-Anon conference. She was excited about her work there and was indicating being completely engrossed in the conference. She asked if I wanted to meet, and I said that I had some work to do (I was being honest, I really did have a major project that day)

Should I cut her some slack? I'm not feeling very good about it and wondering about whether or not I should stay with her. I'm considering finding an AA sponsor (and a male) instead.
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Old 07-29-2013, 09:38 AM
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You need someone who is going to be there for you. Support is real important right now. I hope it works out.
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Old 07-29-2013, 09:51 AM
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Just the fact that she doesn't return your calls = get a new sponsor!
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Old 07-29-2013, 10:00 AM
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It is crucial to have good communication with your sponsor. I also see that you are new to recovering from alcoholism, what if you had needed her help badly while she was away? She should have informed you that she would not be able to communicate with you for a month (maybe she does not have unlimited on her cell) so you could have had other support lined up.
She seems a bit flaky. While most codependents can afford to slip here and there with their programs, us double winners cannot afford it (I assume she was also your AA sponsor). I would suggest you find another sponsor who is also a double winner and who is more reliable than this woman.
Due to the age difference, it was ok for her to sponsor you but if you are a straight guy, I would definitely suggest your next sponsor be male.

Good luck to you
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Old 07-29-2013, 10:35 AM
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I am a bit surprised that you have a female sponsor as a male, honestly. Not that this doesn't work, but I just figure guys are more comfortable around guys, and vice versa for women...given Carlotta's point above. I also agree with the others, you need a sponsor who is going to be there for you when you need them.

Particularly if you are working Step 4, you should have someone available to you readily. It's awesome that she's involved internationally, but still, you need to also be a priority. I am not a sponsor but, to my understanding, that's what the sponsorship commitment is about. Particularly in the early phases and Steps.

Let us know how it goes and best wishes to you!!
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