Sallylou

Hi, I'm really hoping I can find some support from this site from people who are in the same situation as me. I'm 41 married with a gorgeous husband, 3 beautiful children, successfully if demanding career and yet have drank on and off most of my life ( apart from when pregnant) for that reason I never considered I was an alcoholic, I mean I'm not lying in a doorway clutching a brown paper bag, but after reading the characteristics of a high functioning alcoholic I felt like I'd been hit by lightning, of course Im still in some denial but this is my second night of being sober... And I'm feeling it!

I can easily drink a bottle of wine in one sitting, and still feel like I'm functioning but of course I'm not. My father was an alcoholic, a functioning one too, I lost my mother at 4 and was fostered away from the rest of the family. I think this is the route to my drinking which started at 12.

My husband knows I have a problem and is trying his best to support me, but never having an addiction doesn't get that I just can't stop.

What keeps you guys and girls committed and going?

Many thanks SL

visch1

Hi and welcome. I got to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired with what was happening as a result of my alcoholic drinking which I was in denial of. I needed to start to get honest with myself and ask for help in the form OF AA meetings. That was long before the internet was a word. There are many good discussions here that are very helpful also but I like flesh meetings. BE WELL

Dorris

Hi Sallylou and welcome,

Like you a wife and mother, I never believed I had a problem, I just done the same as everyone else. It's hard work but I have already seen some improvements in my mood, the children's behaviour and that enough to keep me going for the time being.

Ghostlight1

Hello, and welcome.
I was a low functioning drunk. I was almost that guy in the doorway with a brown paper bag.
What keeps me going and functioning sober is the thought of that first drink. If I don't take it, I won't get drunk. That, and a belief in a higher power saves me.
AA works for many. You may want to check it out. What have you got to lose?

I've seen high functioning sober people and I've seen high functiong drinkers hit their bottom. I guess it's different for evereryone but we share a common thread- we're alcoholics.
Please don't wait until it gets worse, and if you're like many of us, it will.

Keep reading and posting and it's great to have you here.

jazzfish

I am 46 now. I went from being a HFA at 41 to a non-functioning alcoholic at 46. It really took everything away. It was scary how fast it all started to slip away. That's my motivation for wanting to get sober.

Sallylou

Thanks guys. I live in a really small town which is quite isolated, we don't have AA here and I'm worried about seeing my GP because most of them we socialize with ( you know how small towns work!) I live in Australia. Not sure how to get the support I clearly need, I feel I can't do it by myself ... The crazy thing is I work in the area of drug and alcohol reduction therefore can't risk breach of confidentiality.

LDT

For me, being a HFA ( if there even is such a thing ) was only a prelude to a full on alcoholic. What keeps me sober now is seeing how much more functioning, loving, close and happy my family now is. Have 4 kids and I didn't fully realize what effect my drinking was having on them.

jazzfish

I was just in Adelaide last year, beautiful place. If AA is your thing, you could always start a new meeting in the next town over. From what I saw, I don't think there will be a shortage of prospects.

Sallylou

Jazz fish, glad you liked Adelaide, it is a beautiful place, you can probably understand why it's so hard giving up if you have witnessed the Aussie drinking culture. It so engrained. I told two of my closest friends tonight and they are behind me 100% they have seen the signs but was worried about upsetting me. I feel like a weight has lifted but know the next steps are going to be difficult. How do you manage at parties? Is there a replacement you prefer, I hate cordial and fizzy drinks, I like the taste of wine that's half the problem!

huntingtontx

Hi Sallylou, I am also a hfa and have been for 25 years. I have never missed work, never drank and drove, most people have never seen me drink. Yet, every night for years my hubby who is also a hfa got drunk every night, went to bed early and got up for work the next day. Hubby retired a year ago and is now a full blown alcoholic, drinking in the morning and rarely leaving the house. He has to stay home with his addiction. I broke my back a few months ago and was home with him all day. My drinking really went out of control then. I got so drunk one night I can only ask him what happened, fell, with a broken back and had no memory of how I got the big black bruise on my arm. That is the last time for me. It has been 21 days now. I have no aa here either, but I did get a 12 step workbook and I come here and read the big book online. It is working for me. They have meetings here twice a week, and that helps. Hang in there. You have made the right choice and it will get easier as time goes on. I am just trying to do one day at a time. I try not to think to far ahead. I am going to the 24 hour thread to post my promise that I won't drink for the next 24. It is helping me. You might like to try it. We are here for you.

Sallylou

Thank you Huntington tx, so sad to hear your story, must be difficult with both of you struggling and for you to keep sober. Will certainly give the 24 hr promise a go thank you. Good luck and hope your back recovers soon

jazzfish

The funny thing is that the person I was visiting had quit drinking because it gave him gout. His friend had also given up drinking years ago because he saw it was taking over his life. As far as I saw, no one gave them any grief about it, although, it didn't slow their drinking down one bit.

jazzfish

Ha ha, I kept drinking until they stopped inviting me to parties. I usually just drink soda water. However, I have to remember there is no need to 'keep up' with my non alcoholic drinks and it is OK to have nothing in my hand. Having some snacks on hand can slow the pace of drinking, too.

Dee74

Have you thought about online meetings Sally?

D

Hevyn

Welcome Sallylou! I'm glad you reached out for some help with this.

I was in such bad shape when I found SR that I stay committed because I don't want to die. I was completely dependent on it in the end. This won't happen to you.

maureen14

Hello Sally,
people still are baffled when I tell them I am an alcoholic.
I am 24 years old. An honor student, and a respected sales person and trainer.
I appeared stable in my social life and made life hell for myself and interpersonal relationships.
Stick around, my friend.

Eleni58

I was a functional alcoholic too. The reason I quit was because the bottle held me prisoner. There were so many things I wanted to do at nighttime but couldn't because I needed to drink. Also, it was greatly affecting my health. I have osteoarthritis and gout and was in pain every single day for the last two years. The pain has mostly gone away now since I quit drinking 4 days ago.

Dollyangel17

I too was a HFA....held a steady job, cared for my family, and never "got drunk". But towards the I end, I knew that if for whatever reason, I stopped working, then it would get bad very quick. I had a drink in the morning every day, and if I didn't have a job, would drink all day everyday!:-( that realization frightened me.

bigsombrero

It makes us feel better to use the term "high functioning" but really that just means "alcoholics with jobs". I'm willing to bet none of the people on this thread were laying under the bridge with a four-day beard and a porkpie hat.

Addressing the alcoholism should be the first priority, and sometimes that means coming to grips with the disease without the fluffy language. Hiding behind careers and successful relationships is often what keeps us in denial so long in the first place. My advice would be to try and slow down, and work on yourself. This is a real challenge, and total abstinence in my experience has to be the goal.

Do you have a plan in place for sobriety?

Nattythreads

Im with BigS and Jazzfish on this. These terms such as "High Functioning Alcoholic" are like some sort of egotistical trip. And ego is a very dangerous thing for an addict. An alcoholic's just an alcoholic at the end of the day.

I was doing fabulously well at one point. Then one day I woke up and I wasn't. But it took me a while of inexorable sliding to get there.

What keeps me going? An absolute refusal to pick up or use whatever the mood, provocation, disaster, celebration, small victory etc. etc. A total 100% commitment to abstinence.